Reunite with 'Stepdad' or not?
Hello, Im looking for some advice with this situation, I cannot get my head around it fully, I hope this is an ok spot to ask for advice on this topic.
I will try to keep this as short as I can.
My real Dad and my Mom split up when I was 2-3, he went on to marry 4 more times and was an alcoholic his whole life, I knew him pretty well and we got along good, I lived with him for a year in the 7th grade, and he bought me my first dirt bike. His health faded and he passed away in 2006 and though he was not the perfect Dad I miss him very much.
I think when I was about 5 my Mom met a man named "John", they moved in together and with my sister(5 yrs older) we became a "family", over the years he became my Dad and we did things like fishing, boating, family trips, many memories.
When I was about 15 or 16 he and my Mother began to have some problems I think, which led to her getting pushed down and having a small bone in her wrist broken(he was trying to leave and she was trying to stop him is the story.. no charges filed). I learned later that he had cheated on her and Im sure that is what the "big fight" was about.. I heard them fighting from my room, and the next day she picked me up from school with a cast on her wrist.. I never saw John again.
Since his Father owned the house we lived in and the relationship was over we needed to move out, we moved out a few weeks after the fight and even though it was a small town I never saw John again. My life changed for the worse at that point, for a few years I got bad grades, hung out with the wrong crowd etc, which thankfully I was smart enough to end on my own.
I moved away from that state in 1996 and as I grew older I thought of him often, he had a big influence on me and the way I lead my life, my role as a parent, the way I treat my kids, wife etc. My Mother has never remarried and there has never be another male figure in my life.
I turn 36 this month, and last week John contacted me through Facebook, it has been 20 years since he vanished from my life.
Should I respond? What would I say? if I really think about it I am somehwat angry, and dont have much reason to communicate with him, maybe send him a nasty message. Some of me would expect some sort of explanation or something if I "accept" him again.. my mind tells me to forget it about it and just move on and what he did was wrong and I shouldnt give him the light of day. What could happen after I accept him? Should I expect an explanation, his side of the story maybe?
I mean do I send this guy pictures of my kids and treat him like a Grandpa, and tell them about John? Or is that crazy talk??
Its been on my mind alot and I cannot decide what to do.
Is a child bound to their Step parents like they are to their real parents, does this man deserve that respect like a real Father? The whole thing raises many questions for me and few answers.
Sorry for the length of this, thank you in advance to those who can offer any advice.