Is it just me??? Please read and help!
Hi, I feel as though I really need to get this all out and would be really grateful of any help or advice.
I met my partner when i was 18/19 yrs old and he already had a daughter from his previous marriage.
I am now 22 years old and we are engaged and have a son together now 7 months old.
At first his daughter thought I was great as I have a friendly and outgoing personality and she loved having a girl here to have girly nights with but as things have got more serious between me and her dad it's obvious she's not very happy.
She doesn't mind it when it is just us and we get along great but if her dad is there she acts off with me.
If we are sitting down she will sit inbetween us, she also walks inbetween us if we are shopping etc.. She will follow her dad around the house and does silly little things such as we all have our own spounges that stick to the side of the bath. She will move my spounge right on it's own and put her and her dads next to each other, and take my toothbrush out of the holder and place her and her dads together. She hates it that she has to go to bed (her dad has always gave her a bedtime) and that I get to stay downstairs with her dad, and she wants whatever I have such as food and drink or where i sit etc..
I've talked to her about these things and she admitted that she is jealous that I get to spend time with her dad when she goes back to her mams (she stays at ours 3 days through the week) and I told her that it is okay to feel that way but it's not my fault her mam and dad aren't together anymore and even if I wasn't here they wouldn't get back together and when she isn't here with us all we do is miss her and look forward to when she comes back, she cries as though she feels guilty for feeling how she does and says she knows this yet this behaviour continues. She will give me dirty looks sometimes and when she asks a question and her dad doesn't know the answer (eg homework) and I do, I tell her and she blankly ignores me. He tells her it's rude to ignore me yet she continues. Also if i say something, for example a programmes not on tonight or a shop closes at a certain time (all little small things) she will argue with me and back chat.
She is 10 years old now and I understand she's going to senior school in September and a lot of her behaviour boils down to the dreaded hormones, I just want her to be happy and sometimes feel like she doesn't want me here and to have her dad back to herself (they have always had a extremely close relationship which i admire, he is also brilliant with our little boy) she has admitted in the past that she wants her mam and dad back together, but they broke up nearly 6 years ago now and she has had a baby with someone else and I wonder how long it is going to be before she finds some peace with the situation?
One of the hardest parts is with my partners mother.
She is close friends with my partners ex (refers to her as her daughter) and is bringing her daughter to someone else up as her own grand daughter. We are civil and get along with the ex for the sake of my partners daughter, but his mother will invite her to all family occasions and when things are a little awkard as expected, my partners mother tells me I am not doing my best by my partners daughter, that she doesn't think I love him because I don't defend him to her and that I must have a problem with the ex and be jealous of her.
Prior to that latest arguement, (rewind!) during my pregnancy I made a effort to get closer to his mam and invited her to some scans of the baby, shopping for a pram etc..
It really hurts me because she minds my partners daughter and his ex's daughter regularly through the week and spoils them a lot but has not spent one day with my son since he has been born.
I thought maybe she feels uneasy so have made the first step and asked her to mind him for a few hours one night (she did but I felt as though she felt oblidged and didn't really want to as she has not offered again) and I asked her if she'd like to take him to town shopping when she was taking my partners daughter one day but she just said she didn't get the message.
It hurts me because my baby is always left out, yet she will critize me and how I am doing with my partners daughter when I try my very best and she doesn't make any effort with my son.
I have tried to form a relationship with her and get to know her and she even asked me to go to a show with her and I said yes, only for my partners daughter to phone me and say that her nanna and mam had gone to the show, when my partner asked his mam why she did it she said she forgot I offered to go with her and she wouldn't have cared cos she had a extra ticket n all but seems to have a good memory when it suits.
I talked to my partner about how I feel and he said he feels the same, especially about our son been left out and he agrees and has spoke to his parents but they continue not to bother with him and spend a lot of time with my partners ex's daughter and his daughter and he said he doesn't want to say anything else because he doesn't want to force our son on them.
I feel as though they patronize me sometimes as I am 9 years younger than my partner, but am I wrong to think I'm not the one been immature?
Please help, I hope some of this makes sense!