Should I stay or go?
I may have previously posted on this subject, but I can't remember or find it if I did, and I really need support and advice.In 2009 I have 6 children of my own that I'm raising alone when I met and fell in love with a man that has 2 children that he is sharing custody with a soon to be ex. After 7 months we dedided to get a place together, but the catch is I must be the one to move becuase according to his children's gaurdian ad litem and his attorney he must live in the same small town as his ex and kids to be able to permanently get joint custody. And at the time he was fighting for sole custody.
We purchased a home in said small town, acutally it's in my name, since his divorce isn't final. We moved in early May 2010. I didn't connect well with his children and never really cared to be around them much, but I have always been courteous and pleasant. And when ever they would do something wrong I never felt it my place to discipline so I would let their dad know so he could handle it as he saw fit.
By the end of July I discovered his son, six weeks shy of 13, was molesting my 3 year old son. I caught him in the act so there is no way I could be mistaken. After handling it appropriately and filing a report with DCFS and the police my fiance, in name only, hires an attorney and gets DCFS and to police to drop the charges.
We continue to see each other and his son was not allowed to be at my home, so he visits him elsewhere, but our relationship quickly deteriorates. He is very pety and does not choose his battles when it comes to parenting pre-teens and teens, so he and my kids are always in an ugly disagreement about something or other. He says I don't parent them. I remind him that it may not be his way of parenting (screaming and bullying) but it doesn't make my way wrong, just different.
Sometime in mid September he moves out of our home completely. Leaving me with the mortgage and all the bills alone. My income barely supports the home alone and I didnt purchase it to live here without him. We still do see each other from time to time and by early December I discovered I am pregnant. You can only imagine his reaction. I was given an ultimatum of aborting the baby or losing him forever. Once he was through having his fit and I began to show he began to come around more often. I was terribly sick with the pregnancy and lost my job, but I managed to stick it out with the house. I begged him for us to get counseling and one day he consented to it, but it never happened and now he says my kids and his kids need to get counseling separate and once MY kids are fixed(they are lazy slobs) then maybe we can get counseling too. I explained that as the adults and foundation of a family we need to be strong and healthy first then add the children too.
He rented a duplex on the other side of town and stays there when he has is chilren. They come over during the day on weekends. We work around the yard or go have a family outing, but at night his oldest son cannot sleep at my home so the youngest children now ages 5, 3, and nearly 10 months are safe. He says he can't marry me until his oldest is out on his own, which could be 10 years or more. I'm not asking he not see this child, but that when night comes he must go back home to sleep at his mother's. I look at it like a consequence for his action of molesting my child, of which there havent' been ANY consequences.He looks at it like he is abandoning his child. I wonder if I can hire an attorney now if anything can be done, but probably not since the charges were dropped and he hasn't reoffended, at least not with any of my children. I can't attest to what he may do to neighbor kids at his mother's house or his dad's duplex.
Anyway, this is the way things have been going. I am at my financial end with this house and I am at my emotional end with this relationship. I'm going to go look at a rental tomorrow, which is $400 less than my mortgage and 20min closer to work. I know I'll have regrets forever if I move though. What if somehow I coud have stuck it out and made this work. I'm also concerned for the child we share. I'm not sure he will be kept safe from his older half-brother during visitation. Also, my 3yo doesn't know any other daddy so she's going to be heartbroken to lose him as her father.
All of this is just a big mess. I just don't know if leaving is the best, or staying and putting up with it all.