invitation inserts

froggy05January 30, 2005

OK, here is my dilemma...

We already got our invitations, all set, ready to go, but do I include the little registry cards and the directions or can I write on the same sheet of paper that we are putting the directions on where we are registered at? I didn't get those little insert things from all the places we registered at, only at some of the places...seems like an awful lot of extra *stuff* to put into the envelopes that will just bump up the shipping cost...I have no idea. Help please we have only two weeks before the invitations go out.

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First, a caveat...I'm sure you already know this -- and if not, enough people will tell you, so you will by the time this post scrolls off the page :) -- but registry cards/info is not supposed to be included with the invitation.

Having said that,I also have to say that, although we didn't include the info in DS's and DD's invites, it really doesn't bother me when I receive an invitation with registry info included. Both the nephews of DH had that info in their invitations and it did save me a call to their mother to find out where they were registered.

To answer your question...I think you can do it either way. My nephews had a short "We are registered at stores X & Y" sentence at the bottom of their maps/directions (which also included motel numbers).

    Bookmark   January 30, 2005 at 9:29AM
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I just had the same issue over this past weekend. We addressed the outer envelopes and put everything together, even that silly little piece of tissue paper that kept flying all over the place.

The directions to the hotel were of heavy stock and 2 x 11 inches, the directions to the reception were larger than the invitation also.

I retyped the information on both, formatted it to fit the style of the invitation & size of the inner envelope and printed it on white vellum. We're planning on placing it behind the invitation inside the inner envelope.

Everyone gives money at wedding here so registry information goes out with shower invitations only.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2005 at 5:44AM
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I would put the directions, hotel info, etc. in with the invitation.

I would never, and I mean absolutely never, put registry information into any invitation, even a shower invitation, and definitely not in a wedding invitation. Not even any mention that there is a registry at all, not a website, nothing. In my opinion, it is very offensive (and appears grasping) to make ANY indication at all that you connect the idea of inviting someone to share your wedding day with the idea that they might want to buy you a gift. Of course you know they will, but the polite thing to do is to give no indication that it has even crossed your mind. You also know that people bring you a gift when they come for dinner or a birthday party, too -- and you don't include a shopping list with the invitation to those events.

As you see, there are other posters with generous souls who don't mind getting sent registry information they never asked for, even in an invitation. But I haven't yet achieved that state of saintliness. It just plain appalls me, and I cannot help but notice that these people SAY they want the "honor of my presence," but what they REALLY are thinking about is the honor of my presents. All the beauty of the invitation and the wedding itself gets lost behind the gimme, gimme, gimme. And I absolutely promise you that at least one -- and probably a lot more than one -- of your guests will find it at least as off-putting as I do, maybe more. So unless you don't care that some of the people to whom you are sending your carefully chosen invitations will think of you as greedy, call you tacky, and/or laugh at you, please don't do it.

Throw those cards the stores gave you in the trash. Those cards are for THEIR (the stores') benefit, not yours or your guests'.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2005 at 10:29PM
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I totally agree with gellchom. Protocol has the guest contacting the mother or bridesmaids and asking about gift registries. People who don't call aren't going to pay attention to your little cards anyway.

I understand it may be becoming more and more acceptable to place these cards inside the invitations. But it's still just plain bad taste.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2005 at 1:03AM
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I put the registry info in with the invitation - please don't gasp so loud in horror - people are hoping to receive this information. My guests don't want to make a shopping trip just to buy me my 4th crock pot - they truly want to give a gift we will appreciate, and/or that will make my house a home once my bride moves in (after the wedding). Plus, the people out of town want to easily give a gift.

My fiancee and I originally wanted to have a no-gift statement somehow. So we asked how to do that, thinking on our wedding day we just want to see all of these supportive people around us, and that would be a great gift. We met with a lot of opposition, sorry Gellchom. These people are excited about showing their support for our marriage by giving a gift. We have invited a limited set of people who are very important to us and love us, and who know how important love and family and marriage is to either me or my fiancee or both of us. We are both adults with a household so we don't literally need gifts just to have a bowl to eat out of and a pot to cook in. We do not have china and crystal on our registry. We have things at a full range of prices because believe me I know what it is like to get your budget stetched when a string of friends and family get married all in the same spring.

So we put the registry notice in the invitation. Sorry to break protocol - each wedding has its own circumstances, and each requires rules to be stretched.

I am not going to put my mother in the position of informally telling my 30 guests where I am registered. I left home over 20 years ago. My mother has enough to do without having to tell all of the people on my side of the aisle where I am registered, and I am not her problem or her little fledgling.

Putting the registry notice in the invitation just seems to work, considering all of this. Alternately, if you are having a wedding and inviting all of your second cousins, everyone from work, and all of the neighbors, yes, maybe it would be tacky to so directly tell them where to shop and what to buy.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2005 at 10:52AM
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In the internet age, unless people are registered at some obscure place, you usually don't have to ask. I look up the couple on all the standard sites; Crate & Barrel, Target, Pottery Barn, Williams-Sonoma, Macy's, Bloomingdales, etc. It is pretty easy to find out where they are registered without having to ask - in fact, I don't think I've ever had to ask! That being said, I agree that including registry info is a no no.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2005 at 1:39PM
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row1: I need to clarify.
I'm not saying don't have a registry, or only to "register" for charitable donations. I just meant that I would not distribute the registry information to anyone who hasn't requested it (that goes for your mom, too -- so she doesn't have to contact 30 people; they will ask her, or more likely you, or someone else, if they want to know and can't figure it out themselves).

Of course your friends and relatives want to express their happiness for you with a gift. But that doesn't mean that they want to be prompted to do so, let alone by being directed to a shopping list. That's true even if the prompting comes from someone else, not just the prospective recipients of the gift.

Listen, it's not the end of the world. You didn't hurt anyone. But froggy asked, and, as you see from all the other responses, most people don't like to see registry info included with invitations.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2005 at 2:46PM
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It is definitely bad form to include registry information in the wedding invitations. Your guests are not obligated to bring a gift and to give the impression that they are expected to is simply bad taste. As others mentioned, a phone call is all that is necessary to find out the information or look for their registry on-line, but don't include anything in the invitation.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2005 at 12:54AM
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I agree with DCGirl - you can generally find the registry pretty easily online. If not, a quick call to the bride's or groom's mother or a bridesmaid will get the registry information quickly without having to include it in the invitation.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2005 at 12:07PM
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I absolutely agree with row1 and was put in the same position with my family and friends wanting to know the appropriate information. We had such a varied guest list - a wide variety of ages, let alone people from different countries. There was no way in hell I was expecting my mother to relay that information. We planned our wedding, we paid for our wedding, we hosted our wedding so we were responsible for telling our guests where we were registered.

I absolutely disagree with dcgirl. I am from Canada; my friends and family are from Canada and the US. We don't have such stores as Crate & Barrel, Target and Macy's. Besides, why should I have to hunt around on the internet to find where someone is registered??? This shouldn't be a guessing game.

As row1 said: "...each wedding has its own circumstances, and each requires rules to be stretched." Where I come from, it is considered "appalling" to show up at a wedding without a gift.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2005 at 4:01PM
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Because I will take whatever they give me and I'm not telling them where to shop and what to purchase. Personally, I don't even believe in registering. But I won't make a stink about that in general. If I end up with 4 crockpots, so be it. I'll use them all eventually.

When I got married I also merged two full households. I liked my stuff. I didn't need anything. My friends and family did their best to put the word out that we didn't want or need a thing for our house. If you insisted on getting us a gift anyway, a gift certificate for something to do as a couple would be nice. We ended up with gift certificates to very nice restaurants we never would have gone to on our own, movie passes, laser tag passes (we were a little old for laser tag, but it was fun!) horseback-riding gift certificates, just all sorts of fun things to do we might not have ventured to if left to our own devices. There's no place to register those type of gifts. But for the few people that got me household gifts, I appreciated the gift and the giver, whether I needed it or not.

    Bookmark   February 4, 2005 at 10:58AM
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Including a registry card from a store in a wedding invitation so the "guest" will know where to buy what the couple wants, is as tacky as passing a collection plate at the church during the wedding to pay the minister!
When I recieve such a card in an invitation, I make it a point NOT to shop at that place for a gift.
Please don't do it!
Linda C

    Bookmark   February 9, 2005 at 1:41PM
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It's not a question whether the couple or their parents is "responsible for telling [the] guests where [the couple is] registered." NO ONE is EVER "responsible" for telling the guests, by distributing unrequested registry cards, (a) that they should buy a present (b) what presents the couple hopes to receive (and therefore what the guests are to feel that they SHOULD buy, not whatever their own lousy taste would dictate) and (c) where to buy those pre-selected presents.

The alternative to purchasing from a registry even if you are not directed to one is not to fail to give a gift (even though of course it is always optional), it's to choose a gift yourself. But I think you know that.

If people want to choose a gift from a registry and can't guess, they simply ask someone if and where the couple registered. Come on, it's not a big inconvenience. Telephones and e-mail work just as well from out of town as from across the street.

No matter how YOU feel about it yourself (at least now that you are the bride; ask yourself honestly how you felt when you were the guest), you KNOW what many, many other people, perhaps most, think of this practice. Look at ANY wedding forum or "Bridezilla" string: the vast majority of the posters think that it is at the very least pushy to include registry info with an invitation. You don't feel that way yourself, but you know that some, perhaps many, of the people getting your invitations do (whether or not they admit it if you ask them -- I wouldn't, and look how strongly I feel). And they know that you know. So when they get that unrequested registry card -- right in with the invitation, to boot -- they are getting the message that you don't care as much about risking insulting them, their manners, and their taste as you do about getting THIS knife and THAT bowl and THOSE potholders ... without having to inconvenience YOURSELF by exchanging things or settling for something you didn't request. The one or two times I have gotten an invitation with a registry card in it (note only once or twice, out of many), I tried hard to tell myself that the couple didn't know any better and got bullied into it by some store clerk.

You can't go wrong if you just stick to the rule that if you wouldn't do it for any other occasion, don't do it for a wedding, either.

And that has its own "flip side" that may actually be the happy medium. You wouldn't send out shopping lists with a birthday party invitation. But you very well might tell your best friend or your closest aunt or someone what you want. You know which of your relationships allow for that, just as you know from whom you would be surprised to be given such information, unsolicited, and from whom you would welcome it. Ditto with your wedding, then. If you and your cousin Grace usually let each other know what you want for your birthday or Xmas or whatever, then go ahead and tell her where you registered -- it won't seem greedy or pushy, just intimate. But not your mom's boss!

    Bookmark   February 10, 2005 at 2:17PM
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I am continually amazed! People post here asking questions about manners and etiquette, presumably because they want their wedding to be beautiful, classy and above reproach in all ways.
Then when they are given the advice, and there is not often a lot of disagreement about what is correct and mannerly, they object!
So, I say...go ahead, send the purple metallic lettered invitations that open like a clam, toss in the department store card with the bridal registry note, invite people to a reception, and ask them to bring a dish to share, put a note in the invitation saying that "in lew (sic) if a gift, could the guest please give a check to help pay for the honey moon". Go ahead and pick out a $300 brides maid dress and wonder why your best friend from early childhood who has a new baby won't travel across the country and stay 2 days in a hotel, host a batchlorette party as well as a wedding shower, AND give you a gift of your choice.
If you have to ask if it's "OK" can pretty well bet it's not.
Linda C

    Bookmark   February 10, 2005 at 5:22PM
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Holy smokes! After reading the strong arguments for NOT including the registry cards with invitations, even for the shower, I threw them all in the garbage.

You've all presented persuasive cases--even though the practice has become widespread, doesn't make it right. And it does feel like a demand or, worse yet, begging for a particular gift.

And now for something completely different . . .

Does anyone else remember getting shower invitations in the past with the COLORS of the rooms in the couple's home?


    Bookmark   February 11, 2005 at 2:46PM
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I don't remember getting an invitation with colors. But I do remember seeing colors on a couple's store registry. In fact, I like that better than having lots of specific items listed, which does look like a shopping list to me. I appreciate knowing things like colors of kitchen and bath, whether the couple prefers pottery or glass, country or traditional, etc. It helps me to choose a gift myself that I still know will fit into their home and their tastes. So even when I don't plan to choose something from the registry, I like to look at it to get an idea of the couple's overall tastes and preferences. Way back when we got married, the only specific things we registered were things that came in patterns or sets (e.g. dishes, flatware, linens). Then at the bottom of the registry, it also listed a few other categories of items we needed (I don't remember what, but for example serving spoons, knives, toaster) without listing which specific items we preferred, just our general preferences as to styles (e.g. formal, contemporary, country -- you get the idea) and colors. One definite advantage to guests in this is that it leaves the prices out entirely, so the guests can choose something in their own budget and, unlike registered items, the couple don't know what they spent. It's also a compliment to their taste.

Anyway, I don't think I'd include colors or any simliar kind of info in a shower invitation, UNLESS it were a very specific shower to which that info related. Like a kitchen shower or a linen shower -- then I think the invitation itself has already directed the choices, so I don't think giving the colors would strike me as wrong. That's still not the same as saying WHICH blue dish towels from WHICH store the bride and groom expect.
But I also don't think the hosts necessarily should include that info. It is no disaster to have to exchange, save for later, donate, or pass on something because of color -- you have to do it anyway if it's a duplicate. And as always, guests wanting the color info can just ask the hosts, the couple, or someone else. So I probably wouldn't include the info, because I wouldn't want to make it look like the couple is overly anxious about getting "wrong" gifts, but I don't think I'd think it would look awful if I received such an invitation.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2005 at 11:41AM
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Oh wow! You sure put a lot of comments here. Well after carefully reading all your responses, I decided not to include the information. As it was well pointed out, most people have access to the internet and can do a search or ask my mom or future mom in law, i suppose its not that important anyway.
Thanks for all your input.
I'm getting more excited about the wedding, its getting very close.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2005 at 2:26AM
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Sorry for the length in advance.

I have been looking into how to list my own registry information for my upcoming wedding. The only recent wedding I have to draw off of was my friends wedding this past September. They registered at a single location and this information was included in their invitation. Personally I was glad they included it, and so were many people at the wedding. This gave everyone a general idea of what to give them. They had items from 5-500 pounds (the wedding was in England where they lived so it made it ALOT easier for those of us State Site, the company shipped the items :)) as well as a gift certificate option at the single store they were regsitered at. After seeing the stack of stuff my folks still had from their wedding 20yrs later (esp. 2 Silvers Sets) I was happy to know what they needed and to get them something they could use and would want.

Afterall, the gift is meant for the people receiving it. It really isn't meant to make the giver 'look good' for how much they paid or to show their 'good taste'. Seeing one of their higher priced items I am still on the lookout for a nice chess set to get them as a later holiday gift (since I noted no one picked it up). As a last thought, I am thinking of putting up a website for our ceremony , which will have registry information, and just putting the URL of the site in the invitations. This way I can have hotel info, locations, itiniary, and registry info all in one. Plus we can put up pictures for those who could not attend afterward.

I would apprecaite any thoughts on the etiquette of adding a website address only to the invitation.

My 25 cents.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2005 at 2:31PM
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In the opinion of many, many people (and yes, I'm one of them), the choice of what gift to give is up to the person giving the gift. No suggestions should be given without their asking. If they ask for suggestions, well then refer them to the registry.

The idea that people need to be told assumes that the couple is entitled to what is on their shopping list and it's the job of the guests to fulfill it. Some will argue that it's okay to send the registry info because "it's only a suggestion." Sending someone a shopping list of very specific items and stores is NOT merely a suggestion.

Will guests sometimes miss the mark? Sure. So freakin' what? Getting married doesn't entitle us to loot of our choice. Gifts are gravy, nothing more.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2005 at 4:16PM
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I agree that putting the web site info in with the invitation isn't quite as bad as including a direct reference to the registry, or any other reference to gifts. But if there is registry info on the site, I think it is just one small step removed, and I think a lot of people would think it is nothing more than a slightly indirect way of distributing registry info. If the registry info is prominent -- and I mean anything but so obscure you really have to hunt for it -- on the web site, the minute someone goes to the web site and gets hit with the registry info, the effect will be the same.

You make good points about people wanting to select gifts the couple will enjoy, and that a registry makes that easier. But it isn't hard to find out the registry info if you haven't received it unrequested -- even overseas, just send an e-mail or call and ask. We get many wedding invitations (my husband is a clergyman at a large congregation), only once with registry info, and I have never once had the slightest difficulty finding out registry info when I wanted it. I know the one time someone included it, the LAST thing I felt was that they were thinking of my convenience -- I thought they felt entitled to certain items and wanted to make sure their guests felt obligated to provide them.

After going to so much trouble to choose beautiful invitations, and laboring over just the right wording and even the stamp, I wouldn't want to take even a small risk that the impression my invitations would leave would be not of love, happiness, and hospitality, but of greed and pushiness. So, personally, I wouldn't put info about a web site into an invitation.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2005 at 12:16AM
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Just a comment for those who search the internet looking for registry information - you can check and and find a number of registries in one place. You will still have to check J. C. Penney's site and one or two others, but you can save much time by checking the two web sites listed above.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2005 at 9:57PM
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People...this is ridiculous. The whole point of bringing gifts to a wedding is to benefit the couple by giving them what they might need to start their lives together! Being upset that they included where they are registered in the invitation is insane.

Linda C... you have shown immaturity at its worse. You made it a POINT not to shop at the stores where the bride and groom were registered?!?!?! That's disrespectful and rude. What was your reason for going to the wedding anyways? It definitely wasn't because you wanted to support the new couple!

And are an enigma to me! It is not the responsibility of the wedding attendee to fish around the internet or phone around to figure out what the bride and groom wants. Why is everybody wanting to make things so difficult for the wedding guests when it would be so simple for the invitations to include a slip of paper that reads, "If you would like to bring a gift, the bride and groom are registered at...XXXX"

To all the nervous brides and bride's mothers out there trying to plan your wedding...keep in mind that it is YOUR WEDDING!!!! Why take the time to register somewhere if you are not going to tell your guests? If you are registered at a few stores, include them in your invitations!

Remember this wedding and this day is about you and for you!

If a FEW guests want to get uptight about you "offending" them by including this in your invitation, then obviously, their motives for being at YOUR wedding are not where they should be.

You have an important day coming up! Just take a few deep breaths and relax! This is your wedding! Make it perfect for YOU!!!

    Bookmark   November 28, 2007 at 11:24PM
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Dear kaylamarie,

Please be my guest at a party to celebrate my birthday.

Enclosed with this invitation (strictly for your convenience; I'd hate for you to have to fish around or make a phone call) you will find a list of items I would like to receive as gifts, including the stores at which I would like you to buy them and the prices.

I know you won't think that my telling you that I expect you to buy me a gift, what it should be, and where to buy it makes me seem greedy or detracts from the graciousness of my invitation to you. After all ...


"this day is about me and for me!"

"This is my birthday! Make it perfect for ME!!!"


    Bookmark   November 29, 2007 at 7:27PM
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What exactly was your point in bringing up a post from 2005? Frankly, you do strike me as a Bridezilla - It's all about ME!!! No respect for guests you are hosting. You are hosting an event, not a charity drive. Gifts are NOT a consideration.

Gellchom - exactly! Incredibly well put.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2007 at 9:43PM
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Good response gellchom, Kaylamarie doesn't have a clue about what a wedding is all about. Nor about being gracious or well mannered. Happy to read the OP did the right thing and didn't include the inserts. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   November 30, 2007 at 8:02AM
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"It's all about me!" = Not mature enough to get married.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2007 at 12:54PM
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"If a FEW guests want to get uptight about you 'offending' them by including this in your invitation, then obviously, their motives for being at YOUR wedding are not where they should be."

You've got to give her credit for economy of expression. In just one sentence here, kaylamarie has a few of the classic signs we see on these boards of a rude person trying to justify herself by transference:

- assuming that only a few cranks would disagree with her actions (ignoring the overwhelming majority of opinion contrary)
- judging others' motives (while being outraged at the idea they might judge hers)
- blaming the guests, not herself, for her making a poor impression
- giving herself the authority to decide whether others have a "right" to feel offended

I guess I should have included in my "invitation" to her:

"If you want to get uptight about my 'offending' you by including this in my invitation, then obviously, your motives for being at MY birthday party are not where they should be."

How do you suppose she would react to an invitation that said that? Why do people assume it's different for a wedding? That, to me, is the real enigma.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2007 at 2:16PM
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Gellchom, Gellchom, Gellchom. When will you understand?

Being a bride is SPECIAL, the wedding is HER SPECIAL DAY, she is ENTITLED to be deferred to, indulged. She has an ENTITLEMENT to everything she wants. And nobody should ever be offended--that's THEIR problem, not hers.

Of course, if they are a single day late with their respond cards, then they are heartless, rude, evil people. Because when one is a bride, etiquette works only one direction.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 7:23PM
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I'm going to post here expecting that there is going to be a huge uproar against my opinion, because it is obvious of the majority opinion on this network. However, I am inclined to post about an alternative view of this controversial topic.

Here is my story: My fiancee and I are getting married. We purchased our first home together about 8 months ago and we are managing our finances as new homeowners. Our families are not particularly wealthy in San Francisco Bay Area standards, and thus my fiancee and I are pulling our own funds together to have a wedding + reception + honeymoon (while still paying for our mortgage). We love our parents dearly and we do not want to put any added financial burden on them, however, they are very eager to help in any way they can.

The bottom line is that money plays a big part in any wedding whether you say it or not, however, I think every bride and groom deserves the BEST wedding (however you personally define that). Traditions are still important to us, however, in some ways we are breaking from the hopefully a good way, though.

We have a website, however, it is *not* the typical wedding website that you would expect. To better put it, our site is a Social Network (like this one, or the knot, myspace, or facebook) but focuses specifically on our wedding. We have our entourage communicating directly on there with each other, and family and friends are able to read up on how the wedding planning is coming along. That way, all family can feel like they are a part of the wedding even before the special day. I do intend to put the registry information when the time comes and any other important resources for out-of-town guests. The point of a site is that it is a centralized location for information...the point of google is so that people can find that website.

I honestly do not understand why asking for money at a wedding is such a huge taboo in Western culture, but there are a few cultures where money is the assumed and traditional form of a gift for a wedding. My fiancee being Chinese, this is a perfectly acceptable custom; I must be sensitive to her culture as well as she has to understand my family culture.

Attempting to be sensitive to this topic, we have chosen to use a Honeymoon Registry instead of the typical vendors (i.e Target, Walmart, Crates and Barrels, etc.). In addition, we are creating a separate insert named 'Resources', which will include the website, our contact number, and the registry. Including this information is important for the following:

- We have guests coming from around the world
- Guests who speak different languages
- Guests who are and not tech-savy
- Guests invited by family from both bride or groom's side
- Guests invited by bride and groom

Basically, we need to take advantage of every and all possible technology to avoid confusion as well as make this wedding fun for all. This is the 21st century and while keeping with some traditions is important, we should not be afraid to embrace new ideas.

    Bookmark   January 28, 2008 at 7:28PM
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"I honestly do not understand why asking for money at a wedding is such a huge taboo in Western culture..."

There is no issue with giving or receiving money , it is the asking for money that is "taboo", as you put it. ASKING for ANYTHING is the issue. Registry information is easy to find and the guests can easily ask someone close to the wedding who knows where the bride and groom are registered. It is improper to imply that a guest is expected to give a gift (money included) because you invite them to your wedding (or birthday party, anniversary party, Christening, etc.). Gifts are not payment for attendance. Your wedding invitation is not a letter to Santa Clause.

I have received shower invitations that listed the registry, I let that pass since the purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. It's not really proper, but not horrible either. And the bride and groom don't issue it, so any misstep is on the part of the whomever hosts the shower.

If I were to receive a wedding invitation including the registry I would be truly appalled not to mention embarrassed for the couple and their family.

It may be acceptable in other cultures. But is is not in mine. Now, if I received an invitation from someone from a different culture it would occur to me that their tradition might be different. But if your wedding is going to resemble an American wedding, it will appear rude and grasping.

    Bookmark   January 28, 2008 at 9:59PM
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You can include website information but leave off the registry information. If people want to go to your website no doubt they'll be able to find the registry info there by clicking on the big button that says "Registry". If they just want to enjoy your wedding planning they don't have to click.
And if you were really sensitive to your guests' needs you'd include registry for the "typical vendors" for those who would like to give you an actual item you will presumably keep for some time to come, as opposed to a donation for your honeymoon, which will be over in a flash and in the grand scheme of things, not trigger memories of the giver every time you see it on the mantlepiece, or wherever.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2008 at 10:06AM
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It actually IS PROPER to put the registry info in the shower invite.

Because, you see, it is not coming from the BRIDE. The registry info is coming from the shower hostess, and SHE can properly tell people where the bride is registered.

And the shower is about giving gifts. If you aren't willing to give a gift, you should stay home. So of course the hostess may provide gift ideas to her fellow gift-buyers.

Including the registry info is no ruder than inviting people to a "basket shower" or an "around-the-clock" shower.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2008 at 1:22PM
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Hm, Talley Sue, I'm not sure I agree with you. As I agree with you 99% of the time, though, I am at least willing to go as far as to not consider it "improper" to include registry info in a shower invitation, because I trust your judgment and knowledge so much.

I agree that it makes a difference that the honorees do not send out the shower invitations (especially if the hosts are not close relatives -- and let's not go there!). But if I were the honoree, I would worry that the guests might think I asked the hosts to include it. I also agree that as the point of a shower is to give and open gifts, the need to avoid any reference to an expectation of gifts is absent.

But I think there are some important things that aren't different: (1) that the recipients still did not request the information and (2) the honorees themselves made out the list, and everyone knows it. As a guest, I might still feel that I am being pushed to complete someone's shopping list rather than choose or make a gift myself. It's better that it isn't the honorees themselves pushing me, but I still might feel that only those gifts are really welcome. I think that's different from specifying "kitchen" or "around-the-clock," which still allows for some creativity, privacy about what you spent, and the feeling that the recipients will connect the gift with you when they use it, not just their own shopping list.

Besides, I think it's a lot more fun to attend a shower where the gifts are not just one item after another from a list we all saw already. But that has nothing to do with rudeness or etiquette, of course -- just my preference. Better than gift cards or cash at a shower, though, I suppose!

Anyway, although I still wouldn't do it, I certainly agree with you that including registry info in a shower invitation is NOT the faux pas that putting it in the wedding invitation, or any unrequested distribution by the honorees, would be.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2008 at 3:06PM
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Oh my! Now I don't know if I should or shouldn't. I guess I would rather have my guests come to celebrate our wedding than to have a single person feel obligated to bring a gift for us.

My real question is this: My invites resemble individual cards that spread across like a fan. As of right now I need to include one more card but have no idea what else to include?

I already have three:
1. Main card with names and dates
2. Invitation Wording card
3. Directions Card

(my fourth was going to be registry but not anymore)

I do not need a reception card as reception is at same location. Save the dates will be separate and our RSVP card is also separate. I need to include a fourth card but am struggling with what else I can add!

Any suggestions???

Please help.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2009 at 3:39PM
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Good for you changing your mind about including the registry. That would look awful.

Can you do a picture for the 4th card?

    Bookmark   February 3, 2009 at 4:32PM
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