Lying Step-Son

cnotteMay 30, 2009

Hello there. I'm new to this forum, but have a big problem. I'm 26 and almost 2 months pregnant. My pregnancy has nothing to do with the reason I'm posting it's for a clarification purpose. I've been married to my husband for more than a year and with him 2 1/2 years. He's got a 13 year old son whom I love dearly.

Last month I went through our cell phone bill because it seemed a bit too high. We pay for his step-sons cell phone because he lives in TX with his mom and we live in NY. This is so his son can keep in contact with my husband. They are very close. My step-son is a good kid really, but fails dramatically in school. My point to all of this was when I got into detail of the phone bill I noticed a high charge download for graphics and ring tones on my step-sons individual line. His phone is like a 3rd appendage and he will NOT let his friends see his phone. We have strict rules his mom knows about as well like he can't take the cell to school. My husband asked his son about the download and he completely denies it. The paper work and the company of the download says otherwise when, what time and the fact that they sent a confirmation number to his cell in which he replied to. A cell phone bill WON'T lie! Then going through it more we noticed he's been texting during school and making calls during school. He denied all of this and it's so frustrating. My husband completely thinks something else is going on and that his son can 'do no wrong'. My husband and his ex wife really tore into his son and still denial. So, my husband and I came up with an idea to find out if the kid is lying. His mother will keep the cell phone for the next month. This way if there are 'outgoing calls or messages' made we know it's a problem with the cell phone company. If there aren't any outgoings of any sort, then the kid is lying. Still how do we deal with this? It's been going on with me for a while though, this is a first for his dad.

Last year I called to see how he was doing in school (my husband was in Iraq) and I told him I'd like some ideas for what to get him if he passed. He said to me he passed EVERY class. About a week later while I was out shopping for cds and so forth for my step-son my mother in law called me and asked what I was doing. I told her what it was I was up to, and she informed me 'he failed 2 classes'. I was furious. So I called his mom and she confirmed. I told this to my husband and he said 'that's just not like my son.' I said 'ok then call your mother and ask her what she told me then call your ex wife.' This is out of hand! What is the best advice in all of this? I've never done anything to this kid except not support his Xbox addiction. His father agrees with me that much, and we don't like how he's always on a gaming system. Now he's failing 3 classes AGAIN while we pay 200.00 a month for a special school tutoring that his ex wife found and it's doing nothing to help! *sighs*

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His lying is nothing personal.

The problem is both your husband and belongs to your husband (and his mother). I'd stay out of it.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2009 at 6:01PM
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As for the cell phone my company has family plans. I can actually go onto the internet and set their usage details. I can block them from downloading things onto their phones. I can block them from calls during certain hour blocks of the day. I can block certain numbers from their phones for incoming or outgoing calls. I can set "always allowed" numbers that they can call 24/7 no matter if the phone has a block during part of the day.

So for our kids phones me and my dh have set our #'s as always allowed. And then we block the kids phones from receiving/making calls and texts during school hours and after 9pm.

As for his lying, that is a whole other issue. He could be embarrassed. He could not be trying. He could not be getting the help he needs in school. Has he ever been tested for learning issues?

I agree with the last poster though and let his mom and dad deal with his lying. You need to stay neutral so you can have a good relationship with your ss. With him living so far away you really should not be involved in any type of disciplining him. Not a good spot for you.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2009 at 6:15PM
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