Hateful SM/Spineless Dad
Okay, I haven't posted much in quite awhile, but am looking for advise/opinions today. I'm afraid this is going to be a long story because much background is needed.
My Dad started dating my SM when I was about 15. My Dad lived in the suburbs and I lived with my Mom in a small town about 2 hours from my Dad's place. My SM was also from the same small town where I lived. When my Dad first started dating SM, I came to visit him on the same weekend that my SM (Dad's GF at the time) was there. I had not spent much time with her previously, so this was pretty much my first impression of her. I asked my Dad if I could go do something with a friend of mine. He told me I couldn't and I proceeded to argue that he should let me go. I know now that I probably should have just taken No for an answer, but I was a kid and was a bit stubborn. Anyway, SM decided to get involved in the argument and it proceeded to get VERY heated. I felt that as Dad's New GF, that she had no right to even have anything to say about what I was doing, and I still feel that way. She should have left it to him to talk to me and she should have stayed out of it. She proceeded to grab me by the face and pull my hair. I completely melted down and was beyond hurt that my Dad would just sit there and watch that happen and not protect me. This was just the start of many heated arguments to come, including one when she was here for my College Graduation. She acted like a total brat the entire time she was here and then when my brother finally had had enough and blew up about it, she went on to suggest that my Dad was the only one who was hurting from all of this. The truth of the matter is that everybody was in tears that day except for SM, even my cousin/bff was upset. SM is the kind of person that ALWAYS has to be right. She can never admit when she's wrong about anything. She also is an alcoholic and the drunker she gets, the worse she gets. What's even worse is that my Dad was a very stern, take nothing from nobody kind of guy when he was married to my mom. He didn't exactly treat her like she deserved to be treated. But with SM, he walks on eggshells and bends over backward to make her happy, and she treats him like crap. She's always on his case about every little thing.
Okay, so, back to the hair pulling incident. Not long after that happened, my Mom saw SM at the Post Office in our little town. She told SM that if she ever laid her hands on me again, that she would regret it. BTW, my mom is not a threatening woman. She is very petite and timid. It's really not like her to even stand up to somebody like that, but I think the Mama Bear came out in her that day. But she didn't threaten violence or anything of the sort. A couple of hours later, my Mom was served with a restraining order at her office. Anyway, my thoughts on the matter were that if she was going to get litigious with my mom, who did nothing, then two could play that game and the next time I was in the suburb where my Dad lived, I filed a police report about what she had done to me. At the time, the police said there was nothing much they could do because she didn't live in the same town that the incident happened, but that they would keep it on file.
Okay, now, fast forward 15 years. We still don't care much for each other, but have learned to somewhat fake it when we are forced to be around one another...The weekend of Thanksgiving, somehow this report is discovered and the police issue a warrant for her arrest...she is able to go to court and have the case dismissed, and I even offered to make a statement in her favor in order to get the whole thing dropped, even though I was apprehensive about doing that because I didn't want to lie about what happened. It turned out that I didn't need to make a statement or anything.
After all of that, my brother went to visit (we live several states away, so we don't visit often) and she did her best to pick a fight with him while he was there. She finally succeeded on his last night in town and they got into it. She actually started kicking him in the shins after pulling him into another room so that my Dad couldn't see what was going on. This tells me that she clearly didn't learn from her mistakes.
Now, she is trying to get a job and this has come up on her record. She has to pay $1,500.00 in order to get it expunged from her record and my dad has called me to say ask me to help pay for it. It was clear to me that she was with him when he called...he always watches his Ps and Qs when she is around. I told him that A) I don't have the money, that I have a new baby to take care of and B) I don't feel that I did anything wrong, so I don't feel that it's my responsibility to help pay for this. I feel like you reap what you sew and this is what she has sewn. So, then he calls me when she is no longer with him and asks if he can send me a few hundred dollars (that she doesn't know about) and then I could turn around and send that same money to her. I told him that I would think about it, but it's not something that I'm comfortable with because I feel like that would be me admitting to doing something wrong and that what SHE did was wrong and the consequences should be hers to bear. I also said that they BOTH handled things badly, but that shouldn't be on ME to correct. Soooooo....I know that's a lot, but what do you think?