Extremely sad, and just lost
My husband and I met 3 years ago and the first part of him that I fell in love with was his little baby, that was about 10 months old. I spent our second date teaching him to walk, and we both just loved each other right away. At the time we met, my son was 7, and we had been a little team for many years, just me and him. He was immediately jealous, but when we were forced to move in with him and his family (mom and step dad) after having only been associated for a month, the boys grew close, and my son grew to adore the baby, same as me.
When we first met, I noticed that my future SS was so very spoiled that he would not even eat! Literally, he was barely skin and bone, and refused to eat for anyone but me, because I would sit and try and try and try to make him eat for as long as it took to get some nourishment into his tiny body. My sister in law and mother in law, whose lives I had just been thrusted into, had taken the job of caring for the child, because my future husband was young and terrified of being a parent, so he buried himself in his job (and drinking). His Mom and sister never put the child down, when he would not eat real food for them, they would give him fruit or junk food (cookies, pudding, koolaid, juice, formula) Now, I know many ppl will say that formula is not bad, but it was around the time where a child should be eating solid food, or at least starting to learn, and he refused. They had him very dependent on the pacifier and bottle. I switched him over to sippie and would distract him for the next few months with toys and singing, to wean him from the paci. They would give him the bottles back, and buy him more pacis! When he started getting used to actually eating for someone other than me, he would still refuse with the two of them and be given treats instead of good foods with vitamins. When I was teaching him to feed himself, they would baby him and feed him every bite (this is as time is passing, we lived there almost a year. I truly believe this child never would have learned to walk at all if my husband and I handn't met!
He was sleeping in our room, and would wake up to every noise, and cry all night. We moved him to his own room after a month or two of us never getting any rest, and everytime he cried, even if being put down for sleep, they would pick him up and scold us. I explained to him that a child of one years old needs to learn to calm himself down and comfort himself, or he will be very codependent his whole life. They would never listen to our wishes and our rules, they allowed him to do dangerous things, such as climb the stairs (I was terrified he would fall down them!) Needless to say, this caused a LOT of conflict between everyone involved. They were holding his growth process back, and I was trying so so hard to love him like my own, having fallen in love with his Dad. I knew I would be raising this child, and we had decided already to get married, so I wanted him to know that I was the mother figure, not the sister or mom of my husband. I know that sounds bad, but he was the person who started telling the boy to call me Mommy in the first place (his bio is never around, never has been, she chose drugs and gave him up)
The child needed a Mommy, and I love him and his Daddy, and them me and my son, so I just kind of took over, you know?
Eventually we were kicked out of his Mom's house, and found a place right away. I was pregnant after having had a miscarriage just before that pregnancy, and was having a lot of complications. My hubby and I worked opposite schedules at the time and never saw eachother. It was very hard, but a short time. The child and I started to have resentment toward one another, and I was working very very early hours. At night he would scream and scream all night long for no reasons that we could ever figure out. We would try everything to figure out what was wrong. I was losing so much sleep that I could barely work, drive, function at all!! I was so fed up that I tried to leave my husband countless times during that first year! Over fighting over his son!! Also, and this is still true today, any time we are around family or friends, he will break every rule he knows, say bad words, even start peeing his pants again! EVERYONE is a bad influence on him, whether they try to be or not.
We decided to move back to the city where we are now, and that was 2 years ago. My SS is now 3, my son 10, and our daughter together is 19 months, and I'm 3 months pregnant again. All the kids' birthdays are coming up, and we are moving to a bigger house. I have no help and never get a break, because now my husband is in the oil field. I've been working on packing and cleaning, while dealing with another difficult pregnancy. Potty training this child has been the bain of my exsistence ever since I first started. He will be trained for months and then poop his pants! It has been a very long time now, but I dread it happening again. He wets the bed because he is too lazy to get up and go in the night, no matter what I do. He knows what he is and is not supposed to do, ei. run in the house, color on walls, play with the soap in the bathroom, etc. He also knows manners, but 9 times out of 10 will NOT use them unless told to many many times.
I have began to hate the child, and I am terrified of having another one, when I cannot control the ones at home already. His family and my family basically have a war against me, because they know I have a hard time getting him to learn new things, try to be good/nice/share, disciplining him, potty training, and getting him to use manners. What do they do??? They undermine our authority with him all the time, make stupid excuses for him and his horrid behavior when they are around, and lie for him when he is caught sneaking junk food, someone else's drink, throwing a fit, saying bad words, or even just demanding something instead of saying please.
I am ready to give him to my mom or his mom at this point, or consider adoption for the bb I'm pregnant with, which is breaking my heart to even think of either. For all of our sanity and the well being of all of my children, something has to change!!! I am just exhausted from no sleep, from all the stress, and terribly alone. My husband refuses to accept that the problems have gotten so terribly bad that I am ready to leave with my kids, or give one of ours up. He thinks if he tells me enough times that I'm exaggerating that this will all go away. I'm ready to check myself into a LOONY BIN half of the time!!! I have no family that supports me, or will listen, I have no time for counseling, and my friends are all extremely flakey and untrustworthy. I need some help. What do I do??? I cannot even get him to learn ABC's and 12345!!!! I practice with him all the damn time and he REFUSES to learn!!!
I just cannot take it anymore, I'm too old to run away, and too tired to stay. I love my husband more than life itself, I am so lost....