I'm actually glad his baby's mother is petty

rathersharpMay 18, 2010

Long time lurker here. I am a childfree, happily married woman to a husband with a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. My husband and his ex were together (not married) for 6 years before they split. Him and I have been married for 1, together for 2. Since we've gotten married the baby's mother has expressed to my husband that she doesn't want thier sone at our house. My husband takes no non-sense from his baby's mother(you know how babymommas can be sometimes)so he disregarded her wishes because she had no real reason to say this. When he told me about it, I told him that he should respect her wishes. So he agreed to it. His ex now drops thier son off at his grandmas and my hubby goes over there to watch him or take him out, until his ex pick him up. On nights where he has to spend the night my hubby leaves him with his grandma.

My husband asked me why am I suddenly accomodating to his baby's mother.

This was my explanation to him:

*I am childfree, and you and I have no kids together. Therefore I don't want it to appear as if we do*, i.e toys in my house or car when the boy is not around, the car seat in the car if the boy is not here. AND I don't care to attend any events for the boy or anything of that nature. ( I will if I have to)

My husband was a little shocked to say the least (and pretty pissed). HE KNOWS I DONT WANT CHILDREN & DONT WANT OUR LIVING ENVIROMENT TO SEEM LIKE WE DO. I guess I put it to him in a way that rubbed him uncomfortably. So in order for me to not sound like I hate his son and never want him around....

I put it to him like this:

You know you have an absurdly jealous and psychotic baby mother that only wants you to spend time with your son alone (or away from me). All I'm saying is I agree with that for my own reasons that you are already aware of.

His consternation vanished. No man want's his wife and his baby's mother going at it all the time. She's very provoking.

And that's it. For the record, I was actually really pleasant to the boy when he came around considering the feelings I have for not wanting any children.

His baby's mother may change her mind in the future but considering the facts: she was with this man for 6 years, had a son by him b4 they split up, got dumped only for him to marry a woman he's only known for a year. I would be bitter as hell if this were me, so my odds are looking good.

Thanks for reading!

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
silversword

What's your point?

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 3:35PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
finedreams

Well "babymomma" as you called her probably knows about your negative attitude, so she has her reasons for him not to be around you. No kids need this. Smart woman.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 4:56PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
rathersharp

LOL, My Point:

Because my situation went from horrible to awesome. Awesome Awesome Awesome!!! I'm happy, that's my point. Oh, my apologies you wanted some sad awful situation where I admit to hating my stepchildren or for me to post something that boils your blood so you can tell me about myself right? Sorry, some people just want to share good news. Thanks for reading.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 4:58PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
imamommy

I love hearing happy news! Now, when will that begin?

It really is wonderful that you are happy, don't get me wrong. It's terribly sad though that this little boy has a father that leaves him with grandma instead of spending the whole time with him... as long as you're happy & babymomma is happy, who cares? right?

Never will I understand why a person that has children would be with someone that does not want kids... and it's really wonderful of you to be pleasant to him when he comes around, considering you don't want kiddies. You just have 14+ more years to go... good luck with that.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 5:19PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
justmetoo

Well, okie dokie then. How thoughtful of you to drop by and register today just to share your 'good news' and how awesome you think your life is. Hope you got whatever you wanted or thought you needed out of your sudden desire to visit here.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 5:24PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
ashley1979

I kinda have mixed feelings about this.

On one hand, I'm glad that you are honest with yourself that you don't want kids. So many women really don't want kids, but think they have to to be a woman. Then they turn out to be awful mothers or dump their kids off on GP so they can go party.

I think it's cool that you can come to a compromise with BM and it doesn't bother you. And it's great that the kiddo gets to spend quality time with GP, too. Sometimes my X wants to have visitation during my time when I have already scheduled with my mom to spend time with DS. I just say 'sorry', but she wants to see DS, too, and since it's my time, it's my decision.

On the other hand, I really don't understand why you would marry a man with a child if you don't want kids and don't want the appearance of kids. At 4 years old, kids are relatively easy. As they get older, parents must be more involved in the kids' life as opposed to the first 5 or so years where the kids are more involved in the parents life.

Have you considered that as your DH's son gets older this situation you have that makes you so happy may not fit anymore?

When the son starts playing sports and has school activities or Boy Scouts (or whatever), your DH will be attending those more-and-more, which means he'll be with you less. That is if your apathy to his kid hasn't rubbed off on him by that point.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 5:55PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
kkny

His baby's mother may change her mind in the future but considering the facts: she was with this man for 6 years, had a son by him b4 they split up, got dumped only for him to marry a woman he's only known for a year. I would be bitter as hell if this were me, so my odds are looking good.

Well if this isnt a mature line of thinking.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 6:04PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
finedreams

with OP's attitude and line of thinking her odds actually don't look that great, but let her enjoy it for the time being

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 6:15PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
silversword

Ok. I'm happy she's happy. I do feel sorry for the dad, who will feel conflicted for the next 18-ish years (if they stay together) and for the kid (who is expected to not exist in his father's home).

But clarity is good. Gloating, however, is unattractive.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2010 at 12:20AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
imamommy

"No man want's his wife and his baby's mother going at it all the time."

But he's okay with only seeing his child at grandma's house? and allowing his wife to prevent any trace of him in her house. What a great guy!

    Bookmark   May 19, 2010 at 10:37AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
silversword

Yeah, I take it back. I don't feel sorry for the dad. What a piece of work. This poor kid.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2010 at 10:49AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
imamommy

"No man want's his wife and his baby's mother going at it all the time."

But he's okay with only seeing his child at grandma's house? and allowing his wife to prevent any trace of him in her house. What a great guy!

    Bookmark   May 19, 2010 at 11:59AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
pinkhill

You really suck on the human scale.
Hope selfish keeps you warm at night.
And when this little boy gets big enuf to understand how he was treated like a dirty secret by his father, sleep with one eye open. I'd be fearful I'd wake up to a knife over my chest.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2010 at 10:48AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
His ex controls the situation through the kids
I have been dating my BF for over 3 years now and his...
chester13
If I could tell mothers of adult stepchildren anything, Part 2
It seems my five-year-old topic has reached its limit...
lilysuzanne40
will the real mom please stand up!
I'm all confused. My kids bio-mom abandoned us with...
CWH123
7 year old step son troubles please help
Hello everyone, I need some advise please. I have been...
Nikki27
How to Prevent Adult Children Living with You
If you and your spouse are of retirement age, move...
blueheron
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™