Ughhhh

lovehadleyMay 18, 2011

BM and DH had a meeting with SS's counselor on Monday.

SS said something about the night that BM punched me being the "scariest night of his life."

DH said BM got very defensive then and said SHE has tried to move on but I won't do the same.

I'm not entirely sure how I haven't moved on---it's been two years and we don't talk or anything but there's no animosity on my part. It's just----I don't know how to explain it other than to say there's nothing to move on to.

DH has a child with her. I do not.

DH has to have some semblance of a working relationship with her. I do not.

DH has to parent SS with her. I do not.

But, of course, then the counselor tentatively suggested that a session with me and BM would be good.

H*LL NO.

okay, maybe I haven't "moved on." I don't know. If "moving on" constitutes me working things out with BM, then, no, I haven't.

What should I say?

Aside from the obvious no, thanks, not interested.

I know this will be an issue between me and DH at some point if the counselor pushes the issue.

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justmetoo

BS. BM has not 'moved on', wonder what the counselor would think of BM's emails of nonstop crap she's been up to these last couple years since the incident she's supposedly 'moved on' from.

I don't think this counselor would suggest such a thing if he actually knew BM's actions since and the ongoing stress and threats she's tossed your way.

I'd say 'thanks, but no thanks'. You have your own counselor/treatment specialist if you feel a need to discuss things.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 3:24PM
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MrsProffit25

The only reason I would see why the councelor would want to do this is to show SS you two have both moved on and ok.. maybe? idk - i wouldnt want to do it either though.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 3:30PM
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mattie_gt

Oh HELL no. No, no, no, no. Just, no.

Furthermore, who gives a rodent's derriere if BM has her panties in a wad because mean vindictive LoveHadley refuses to just kiss and make up and forget all about the time she was assaulted by BM? (For the record, I think you've done very well in "moving on".)

If the counselor pushes the issue, suggest a compromise. You and DH, and maybe SS, can meet with the counselor to discuss the assault. But not BM.

I'm pretty angry that a counselor for SS would suggest that you should have to meet with the woman who punched you because her feelings are hurt. Hey, I've got an alternative - I can meet with your BM! Then we can all see how well she does at "moving on" after an extremely unpleasant incident!

Actually, what would your counselor say? I cannot imagine he'd think it was a great idea either.... and there's your reason (not that I think you needed one).

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 3:43PM
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lovehadley

Thanks ladies.

DH was supportive of me in his words but....BUT BUT BUT...I know him. I know when he's not saying what he really means. And he's got this counselor saying that it's in "SS's best interest" for this meeting to happen.

I said no, and DH said he would back that up BUT if the counselor pushes the issue, I know DH and I will have a more heated discussion about it.

Mattie---totally, totally right I can just fall back on my own therapist. I KNOW (HA and I haven't even said anything about this to him!) he would say it's a bad idea, not good for my emotional welfare.

The good news? I'm stronger than I've ever been and don't feel "bad" or "guilty" about telling DH no, thanks, not interested. I know deep down DH gets it, too.

And yes, justmetoo and Mattie, the counselor obviously has no clue what BM is "really" like. He may think this is a good move and all, but, well, given the fact that I've lived with BM on the perimeter (and sometimes in the center!) of my life for SEVEN years...I am going to stick to what I know here.

The idea of me, DH and SS meeting is a good one! Thanks :)

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 5:35PM
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parent_of_one

I could understand having sessions with one's exspouses to become better co-parents, or sessions with one's children/stepchildren. I see no purpose with having sessions with spouse's expartner/wife/girlfriend. You have no obligations or commitments with her.

And I don't see how you are obligated to be buddy buddy with people who punch you in the face. I would say no.

Therapist could push as he much as he wants, I would say that MY therapist advice me to not have any sessions with her. If they keep pushing see your lawyer. People can't even force their kids go to therapy, who can force you go to sessions with this woman? she is no one to you.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 6:14PM
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ashley1979

Totally on your side with this!

You shouldn't be guilted into a counseling session with a person who assaulted you. And that's what the counselor is doing. Using your love of your SS to get you to do something. That's called manipulation. What is in SS' best interest is his mom (the person who did the assaulting) to get counseling.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2011 at 12:09PM
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pseudo_mom

next time he asks ... say "let me check of the RO is still in effect I'll get back to you"

    Bookmark   May 19, 2011 at 12:55PM
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sylviatexas1

Email the police reports, photographs, & restraining orders to the counsellor.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2011 at 1:19PM
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myfampg

I thought I had posted on this but I guess not. Sorry.

I would say NOOO!! remember I did therapy with Sm who attacked me and my own therapist could not believe I was ordered to sit in the same room as my attacker. A victim should never be put in a room with their attacker unless they feel comfortable in doing so.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 12:16AM
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