Just Hear Me Out....

heather_mcMay 20, 2009

So, here it goes...

I've been reading some posts and it's good to know that I am not the only "selfish" individual in the world. I'll catch you up to speed with my story, and then brace myself for all of your backlash...

My boyfriend and I are coming up on our one year anniversary this week. We have lived together for about ten months of the year, (yes, we moved in with one another quickly), and we love each other very much. Ours, like most relationships has its ups and downs, but we always seem to make it through whatever rough patch that comes about.

My boyfriend was married for 12 years prior to our relationship (in actuality he is still "technically" married, divorce papers have been filed, and served, and we are just waiting for the sixty day "cool down period" that my state of Texas requires before a divorce is granted). Mind you, I came along way after the seperation, so I wasn't the cause of their break up, but the gossip is more juicier to believe, and I'm sure the soon to be ex would rather spout on about how some harlot stole her husband, than to tell the truth of how she lost him by being an inconsiderate, hateful individual...

...Anyway, from this previous marriage two children are a product, a daughter who is ten, and a son who is one and a half.

I have never met the children. They know about me, and obviously I know about them, but we don't have family barbques or beach days like some of the other happy stepfamilies I have read about on this site. In the beginning I tried to be apart of his children's lives, but the daughter, who's only known mommy and daddy, has a problem with me (understandable), and choses to not be apart of any activity I try to include her on. We've never seen each other (except me seeing her in pictures), and it's getting to the point where I'm on the verge of giving up trying, and just becoming a total *itch about this situation. I, myself, have no children, and honestly, had never dated a man with children prior to my boyfriend for this specific reason, but it's true when they say you cant pick who you love.

My question is this: Is my boyfriend being too laxed by not just saying, "This is my girlfiend, accept it?"

I in no way want him to force me down the child's throat, just as I would not want to have the kids forced down mine, but at ten years old isn't this child old enough to get with the program and accept that I'm here to stay? It's becoming such a big deal to me that I notice I'm getting an attitude when his children are brought up, when his daughter calls, or when he goes to visit them during the week.

I tell myself that I wouldnt want to me with a man who denies his children, or who chooses his girlfriend over his kids, but sometimes I find myself just wishing they would disappear.

I know these are horrible thoughts, and are not realistic to boot, but am I an extremely horrid individual because I'm at my ropes end....?

There has got to be a way to work this out to where everyone will win. I do not want him to choose, thats a nasty predicament to put someone in, but is it possible to have a relationship that seperates two facets? His girlfiend whom he loves, and his children whom he also loves, and they never mingle? Can a relationship function this way?

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I don't understand.

So you live with him yet you have never met his children? How often does he see his children, and where does he spend time with them?

I think you need to take a huge step back right now in terms of expectations. You have been living this life with him that doesn't include his children. That, unless he wants to be an absentee father, is not a realistic picture.

I mean, for real---his divorce isn't even finalized yet and you're upset that his kids won't accept you?

How long was he separated from his wife before you entered the picture?

Lots of missing info. here.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2009 at 2:20PM
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looks like OP posted, maybe couldn't find her post, & re-posted under a different title.

I copied lovehadley's response & pasted it onto the other thread, so that one has every response now.

Please post to "At A Loss", for simplicity/clarity.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2009 at 2:31PM
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