two weeks

pseudo_momMay 1, 2011

So its been a two weeks ... since SDs last blowout.

I know I am going to jinx it but since then she has been decent to everyone and tried to be nice to me ... I flipped out and told her do not speak to me ask your father for everything you need sadly you do not want or need my advice... so basically we have not spoken to each other in the last two weeks :) So our "relationship" has improved.

at 530 pm 2 hours after this all started I called both parents and told them to come and get her neither showed up .... at 730 when hubby got home he and i had it out I then called mom and gave her an earful ...

while on speakerphone in my home with the children present

I said I am embarassed for both of you as parents to have raised such a child it is not fair to your sons to let your daughter run your lives like this ...

I asked both of them why they felt the need to neglect their sons and myself to be degraded by their daughter mom said .... SD told her she was going to act up this weekend because she wanted a friend to sleep over at moms house so if she acted up here she would be able to have the friend over at her house .... so you have taught your daughter a "lesson" and we suffered for that lesson great ... thats good parenting.

Dad said I knew she was going to act up but I didn't think it was going to be this bad thats why SS15 was left in charge ... well its not fair to him or me to have to "deal" with her ...

My only advice will be instead of trying to appease her so she doens't flip out is start parenting her instead of trying to be her friend parent her .... apparently what your doing is not working.

She lost all privelidges here no tv internet phones nothing sit in your room and read twiddle your thumbs I don't care you have lost access to anything I pay for .... dad pays rent gas and electric... so you'll have a warm room with a light. I pay for tv internet food phone food you can eat dinner but no snacks sorry.

Dad and I had a huge discussion about her behavior and he is to deal with her instantly if she is here he is here or he finds someone to care for her elsewhere until he gets home.

SD realized that day her parents were not going to "save" her .... she called them to come get her, I called them to come get her, her brothers called someone help us ... no one showed up ... the cops came ... no one saved any of us ...

In the 4 hours that we endured this behavior:

SD called the police during all this said I was neglecting her and she had a warrant to have me arrested because she couldn't talk to her mother ... (mom wouldn't answer the phone) she wanted her brother arrested for assault she broke things in my home. SD said some really nasty vile things to me about me and I won't repeat them just to nasty... to hear out of an adult nevermind a child. She spit at me and her brother smashed a hole in a wall in her room.... they were physically fighting in her room with the door locked the cat was in there I couldn't get in to stop them she did something to the cat I still don't know but the cat was screaming.... they finally unlocked the door I took the door knob off she won't get that back for a long time.

So two weeks later she is nice to her brothers and father no clue on mom's relationship with her.

She and I do not speak the cat will not go anywhere near her.

She is allowed to use the phone but not the internet or tv. I am sure when school gets out Ill let her have tv again but for now nothing that I pay for.

She did apologize for the nasty vile things she said.... she didn't know what she was saying ok I'll bite an accept that but if you ever speak to me that way again I will have you removed from my home and if you want to see your father it will have to be somewhere else. This is my home and I will not be tormented in my own home by a 12 yr old.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Omg!!! Pseudo! How awful! Big hugs to you and good job for standing up to her in your own home. A 12 yr old? Wow! I'm glad you were not arrested. That would have made everything she did 'in her mind' ok.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2011 at 2:49PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

was she ever diagnosed? I remember ordeal with her few years ago, also is she with mom full time and SSs are with you, correct? is she in therapy for anger management? meds?

certainly she should not EVER have locks on her door. she sounds terrifying...I would be scared to stay with her

    Bookmark   May 1, 2011 at 10:16PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I did nothing to cause an arrest lol ... other than leave her in the house alone while I sat outside waiting for the police to show up ...

Told them I am a SM who has no power in her own home. He did not speak with the children he also showed up 45 mintues after she called ... no big hurry to help her either.

She was diagnosed with anxiety 3 years ago ... mom now says that was a misdiagnosis but nothing since. No therapy... we just walk on eggshells not trying to upset her .... give her her way about everything.

mom has custody of her ... dad of the boys ... but they visit equal amount of time now ... no CS involved. 50/ 50 split ... neither parent wants her more time than the other.

SD "threatened" not to come here anymore ... told her "don't make promises you can't keep" ... yeah I had lost my mind said some things I shouldn't have but oh well .... if her parents had come to her or my rescue it would not have been as bad.

If dad is not here she is not here so there is no need to interact with me ... he leaves work early the days she is here and does not leave unless he takes her with him.

Mom did say ... why didn't you smack her in the mouth when she said "that" to you .... I rebutted with why so you could call DCF again ... no thanks ...why don't you teach her not to speak that way or come over and smack her yourself. Asked her to come have coffee and wait for hubby to get home since you want to show her whose boss and not let her go to your home .... neither parent helped ...

Sailed into both of them ... done shiving a git about hurting feelings. Both parents stayed away while she tormented me and the boys.

I just kept repeating how embarrassed I was for both of them that their daughter behaves this way and says the things she does... and how ashamed I would be if either of my children thought about speaking/acting that way ... and how I was disgusted with myself for being involved with this family if thats how they are raising their daughter.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2011 at 11:36PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo


I didn't mean that you did do anything to get arrested-- I'm just glad they didn't arrest just to bring peace. I've known of that happening. Bring peace for the moment.

So how are thing with your husband and you?

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 12:14AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I know you didn't but she thought she could ... have me taken away ...told her they will take you not me when the cop showed up she hid in her room ...

we are ok ... he is no longer allowed to say "ignore her" ... but like I said its been two weeks she seems nice enough to him and the boys ...

I jinxed myself ... tomorrow when he picks her up from school will be the test ... and I don't have work tomorrow night hopefully I can pick up a shift at work ...

There have been nights I put on my work clothes and headed out the door to a friends house saying ... gotta go got called into work !!! :) hopefully I really get called in.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 1:01AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Do I understand you that both BM and your husband both knew that SD was going to act badly, and they both still just dumped her off on you and a fifteen year old?!?! And then when she did act up, just as she'd said she would, her parents both continued to absent themselves?! Oh HELL no! Unless you are trained and being paid to watch a troubled adolescent, that is completely unacceptable. I would be furious. I am furious, on your behalf. How on earth can either one of them think that that was remotely appropriate?

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 9:05AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Glad to hear the marriage is Ok, Pseudo..Did you get a commitment from him to do better? Nobody should have to fake working to get away, thats awful..I think I d have him see her outside the house until she settles down and starts acting like a human being, if thats at all possible..Good luck.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 10:02AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Wow i read your post and as im reading - in my head i picture this behavior from a 16-17 yr old.... 12?!?!? holy cow!!! IDK what i would do in your situation - good for you though for telling them how you feel!

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 10:12AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I can not believe what a monster they have created!! For a 12 year old to act that way is awful!!! Have they thought about sending her to a boot camp for bad kids??

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 11:28PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Not sure where you are but I just watched Dr. Phil today and they spoke of a school that has scholarships in Arizona. Dr. Phil asked the stepdaughter if she would like some time away to let the situation cool down ( this was a BM and a horrible Sf). He told the girl there were no redeeming qualities in her and that he hated her. They are in Arkansas and apparently his verbal abuse was so out of hand he was found in violation of maltreatment of a child and has to register on the states website. It was a crazy episode. Anyway I can't remember the name but it might be something to look in to.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2011 at 12:38AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Their parents are too concerned with hurting their childrens feelings to parent them plain and simple ... nothing is expected of them so why should they do anything. And if they do not get their way all h3ll breaks loose ....

If I remember right it was Sylvia who said ... why hitch your horse to this wagon .... yes sylvia I should have listened to you years ago ... what a fool I was to think they would actually want to parent their own children.

When dads home SD stays in her room ... so tonight was peaceful... if he's not home she's out here looking for I don't know what ... he was outside putzing around the yard I was making dinner she was saying things under her breathe I tried not to hear one comment was about my garden how I don't take care if it anymore and how I was making a lousy dinner.... I went outside while dad finished what he was doing came in she was sleeping on the couch I finished dinner sat down by myself hubby and ss15 joined ... ss13 and sd12 stayed in the living room.

We ate then hubby woke up SD and also told SS to go eat ... everyone else cleared their plate from the table hers is still sitting their ... I went into the living room with hubby and after she ate she went into her room

    Bookmark   May 3, 2011 at 4:41AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo


This has to stop now Pseudo. I am horrified on your behalf.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2011 at 9:55AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

What is the mumbling about? Is she trying to annoy you or does she have a real problem? She sounds so much like my nephew! I'm SO sorry pseudo!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2011 at 11:24AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
How to Prevent Adult Children Living with You
If you and your spouse are of retirement age, move...
grown adult stepchildren
I married my husband 2 years ago, his wife had died...
Need advice please....stepson!
I am 25 and I think I have had enough of my 9 year...
step adult kids
Where and how do I start.. my wife has two adult kids....
Too much?? advice please
Hi. I am a Mum of 2- one being a step child, I am 27...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™