Am I being irrational? (vacation ordeals with SO's DD)
I am upset over it lately, maybe I am being irrational but it is difficult for me and anxiety producing. If I am being unreasonable let me know, but I honestly do not know anyone who is in the same situation. Here goes wiht the background:
1. SOs DD27 (and I get along with her) spends all of dad's vacation and most of hers with dad (she lives out of state and has a lot of vacation time including summers off), it is 24/7, daily entertaining nonstop, cooking 3 meals a day for her, she has no friends and doesnÂt get along with her mom and sister. Dad has little vacation so for him it 100% of the vacation time. It used to be that she still allowed me and SO to take trips by ourselves when we first dated, but since we got closer she wants to be with us every time she is off work.
2. It is been long since I or SO went on any trips together or even spent any time together when we do not work. DD27 is getting married late July and told her dad she plans on spending July with him and wants him to take her on vacation 4th of July (a week long vacation).
4. He always took her on vacations (with the exception of one winter when she asked to take her to Bahamas). Now mind you it is not like she has no one to go with. She is getting married and has honeymoon trip (long and nice trip) lined up after the wedding. Her fiancee is a nice guy.
5. This year SO said heÂd need to take vacation with me since we didnÂt have one for a long time and frankly it is his only vacation plus we take 5 days to travel for her wedding. Then we had to make a compromise, we go all together, meaning she will go with us.
6. We already spend all of our vacation time with her now we need to go on tips with her. I do take occasional trips with my daughter, those are short few days trip usually when I visit her at college, but neither I nor her spend all of our vacations together. DD (my daughter) also went on short trip with her dad this year, his wife and younger children. But it is one trip, neither I nor X spend ALL of our vacation with DD. DD wouldnÂt want it either.
6. SO told DD27 that I am good with booking, reserving, navigating and finding the best deals when we travel. It is true. DD27 immediately said she wants to be the one to do it. Now she is the one who researches the trips and reserves stuff and plans where to go and what to do three of us.
7. What really bothers me: according to SO, DD27 always went on vacations with him and X (even when relationship between X and him was strained and they tried to mend it DD27 still went with them). Every time they went together ended up in a huge argument and a fight. SO said it started taking toll on his relationship with his wife because he had to take sides.
I asked SO "if trips together were such a trouble and there was always a fight then why DD went with you every time? One fight would be enough for me not to go. If everybody had such a bad time why did she continue going with her parents?" He got quiet, said nothing. I am not suggesting DD27 went to deliberately cause fights but how could she not notice that it wasnÂt working? Now I am terrified that she will cause fights when she goes with us and it would damage our relationship?
Yesterday I asked SO to confirm exact days for a vacation because I need to plan my other stuff around it. He said we cannot confirm because we need confirmations from DD27. My question was why canÂt we set dates and inform her, why do we ALWAYS go by his kids? Why canÂt we ever make plans and inform them, not the other way around? Well he thinks I am being irrational and jealous for no reason.
Do you think this is all normal? Maybe it is, but I wish I know one person who does this at 27!!!! She wants to go on our vacations with us, OK i will put up with it. But now she is the one who plans all of it and negotiates wiht her dad and I just have to follow her lead. like they are a couple and I am their child. tell me if I am being crazy and it is normal.