Cruel Adult Stepkids, Disengaged, am I right?

DonnaDreamsMay 14, 2013

I need some advice about my family situation. I married a man 23 years ago who had a 6 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. We all got along great. Every other weekend the kids came over, we did things together or just hung out at home watching movies. The first wife started dating a man and they moved far away. The kids wanted to stay with dad and me. I said ok. I didnâÂÂt want their dad to be without them. We got along great for a couple of years until the son got tired of having to do chores 11/12ish and the mom decided having the boy would be easier than the girl. Mind you she NEVER paid one cent of child support. She tells him that if he moves in with her, he wonâÂÂt have to do chores. We sit him down and tell him he can go, but he canâÂÂt move back, no ping-ponging. He can visit but cannot move back. The daughter definitely does not want to go. Other than the usual teenage problems, she and I were close. One recurring theme is that my husband never supported me. He would never make the kids respect me, never would discipline them and I had to do it all. Fast forward, the son occasionally comes for a visit, but not that often, heâÂÂs 3 states away. WeâÂÂre not close at all but he starts to tell people I made him leave, which is a blatant lie. The girl went off to college, graduated and got married. She lives about 3 hours away from us. I paid for her wedding because her mom and dad said they didnâÂÂt have the money, so I went into my 401 K plan and paid $15,000 to her to put towards her wedding. We had an argument and she told me she and her husband could not stand me and just used me to get the money to pay for her wedding. I have not seen her since. I will have nothing to do with either child. She turned 30 and had a huge party. My husband would not go because I was not invited. She stopped speaking to him for 8 months until I made him call her. The son is getting married and I am being invited âÂÂonly because they have toâÂÂ. I am not going. Any advice on this sick situation?

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justmetoo

I hope you're not paying for this wedding.

I don't think you really need advice. You're not going. Let them have all the drama without you. Why go somewhere you're not really wanted nor welcomed. Tell husband you are quite happy not going and if he choses to go that's fine with you. Don't let him turn it into 'I didn't come because Donna would not come' or guilt you into going. He's a big boy, old enough to make or break his own relationships with his own adult children.

You might consider traveling to the wedding area (without yourself actually attending) for a pamper Donna get-away. Husband goes to wedding and Donna goes shopping, lounges by pool, gets a pedi and mani, reads a good book while getting room service. You get the idea.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2013 at 1:40PM
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sylviatexas1

"She stopped speaking to him for 8 months until I made him call her."

Don't make him call her any more.

about that disengaging-
There's a great line I read somewhere, maybe here, that I just love.

"Not my circus, not my monkeys."

    Bookmark   May 14, 2013 at 7:30PM
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emma

I love that Sylvia, great line.

    Bookmark   May 16, 2013 at 10:30AM
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