Hire SD, Yay or Nay?

lamomMay 17, 2010

While driving yesterday I was rear ended. The damage to my car seems slight but there is damage and I've been having headaches since. DH has insisted I see a doctor today. The other driver's car was seriously damaged and I have pictures. The pictures show the level of the impact.

The driver who hit me and I exchanged information and I will be calling my insurance company later today to get the ball rolling.

DH has suggested that I hire SD to be my attorney as she is an attorney albeit unemployed right now. "Throw her some business. She needs the work" And it's true, she does need work.

SD is the most normal (most being a big qualifier) out of DH's progeny. But, if I hire her, she will be working for me for the first time. Is it worth it? Also, DH will not be happy if I just say no out of hand, however, I will be unhappy if 1. this becomes problematic 2. she doesn't do a good job.

Any thoughts? On other threads my relationship to my skids has been equated to that of a paid servant, au pair, handmaiden to DH and so on. Do au pairs usually hire their employer's kids? Hmmm.

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I think it would be fine. This (hopefully) will be an easy case, since it sounds like it is clear the other driver was at fault. Since it's on a short-term basis, I say go ahead and give SD the work.


I hope you feel better! Keep us posted about what the dr. says.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 10:56AM
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Thats a hard call. It does not seem like you want to hire her. If you really are against it and feel like it would be problematic I would just tell dh that your relationships with his children have already been strained and you don't want to worsen it by taking the chance of having problems with this.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 11:19AM
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LA - I was rear-ended in my two month old car a couple of years ago. I went to the doctor because I had whiplash/ headaches. This was something both insurance companies handled. The insurance company of the person at fault paid for my chiro visits, my car repairs, pain & suffering, and lost time from work. It sounds like you are jumping the gun about having this accident litigated. I was fairly compensated. If it comes down to litigation, I would not hire a family member (even though you are "just dad's wife" and not really family - LOL). I think you run the risk of stepping in do-do if you hire SD.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 11:20AM
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I agree with genna. Firstly, it's not at all clear why you even need a lawyer at this point. Let the insurance companies handle it. If at some point you feel you're not being properly compensated, THEN you'll want a lawyer. It's not all that likely that will happen.

If you do end up needing a lawyer though, I would again agree with genna. Hiring family is a mistake. If she doesn't do a good job for you, you are stuck. I would not hire a family member or friend to do any kind of service including home improvement, real estate, law, etc. Hanging around these forums, I've read too many horror stories about exactly that.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 1:23PM
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I've been told I need a lawyer. Maybe I don't, this is my first such car accident with other people involved. My only other car accident was side swiping my own garage door jamb backing out of my garage. My homeowners insurance handled everything no problem.

Maybe I don't need one at all. But, I'm sure you are all correct that hiring SD, who by the way according to some BM posts in other threads, is not family to me anyway, might become problematic.

I just don't want a problem either way, a problem because I hired her, or a problem because I didn't. Hiring her would definitely fall under the category of doing something for DH although she is the beneficiary. But isn't that what we are being told in other threads? Anything you do for stepchildren you are really doing for the man?

Now, she is having a hard time paying her mortgage and I know wants any and all work. But, since I'm not family, what do I care about that? Would an au pair or camp counselor care?

I haven't really done much to help her find work other than set her up to help DH. She has asked me for other referrals and introductions. I have not asked anyone other than DH to help her, not in small part because what I have learned lately from reading this board. DH feels that I have a case regarding this accident that could lead to some bucks in the pockets. Cynical but real.

Do I owe her this? No. Would it be good for ME to bring her in, probably not. Good for her, Definitely. But I'm just the married help right?

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 2:08PM
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You had the accident yesterday and already thinking of hiring an attorney? I think that is jumping the gun a bit, to be honest.

Go to the doctor. Your auto policy should cover the cost of medical, up to it's maximum... if you have it. The insurance company either will accept responsibility or not. If you were rear ended, there is usually very little question as to fault. Then, it's just a matter of damages and you can't even begin to figure that out until you are done with any medical care and treatments. That could be months down the road and if the other insurance company makes an offer, just let them know you are still being treated. But, any offer they make will be your first indication of where they stand in paying. If it's a very low figure (less than your medical bills), THEN I would talk to an attorney. and no, you are not obligated to hire your SD. Family & business don't usually mix well... I worked with my sister, we are no longer speaking. You can always tell her you value her too much to risk hard feelings if things don't go well.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 3:32PM
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if you like SD and want to help then hire her, if you resent her and do it only for DH then don't. If she struggles, then dad could just help, why not just help her to pay mortgage for a month? seems strange though, lawyer, no children, can't pay bills, even if she just lost her job, why doesn't she have savings? I am not a lawyer but i would be able to survive without job for awhile.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 4:37PM
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"if you like SD and want to help then hire her, if you resent her and do it only for DH then don't. If she struggles, then dad could just help, why not just help her to pay mortgage for a month? seems strange though, lawyer, no children, can't pay bills, even if she just lost her job, why doesn't she have savings? I am not a lawyer but i would be able to survive without job for awhile."FD

We live in So Cal and everything here costs more than almost anywhere. Yeah, she's got savings...a soon to be ex-husband in her pocket due to their joint investments many in real estate, grow up, this is Real Life, ok, LA real life. No, DH and I don't have the reserves to carry her mortgage for who knows how long. BM, another in her pocket as she, SD says. And I do mean me too, the barely step up from au pair, auntie, neighbor, camp cousouler SP?! Are you kidding me? This is a woman who can't show up for Christmas *(check out my posts from when I first came here in 2008) if things aren't as she thinks they should be with the true FAM. Of course, back then, she had no money problems with her good job, husband, investments and so on. SS30 had the money problems not she.

My resentments are relatively low vis a vis SD36 specifically. As I always say, she is the most sane and friendly of the step/in-law group.

So, help me with the problem as I have laid it out. Is that possible?

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 5:10PM
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I did not mean you have to help SD, i meant dad could. You don't have to.

I don't see where the problem is. You don't have to hire her. My cousin is a lawyer and we all get along but we never hire her. We do help each other though. If her financial situation upsets her dad, he could help, you are not obligated to hire family members.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 6:14PM
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FD, to Hades with her then.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2010 at 7:19PM
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I agree with Gerina. Gracefully accept the suggestion, but wait. I doubt you'll need a lawyer. The person in the rear is almost ALWAYS at fault. If your insurance gives you trouble about covering the cost of your soft tissue damage/whiplash, etc. (because they are often hard to prove) you may need a lawyer.

Also, please be very careful with yourself. Go to the doctor, don't assume you are ok. Sometimes it can take over a week for the full effects of the accident to emerge in your body. Your body is in shock, it has protected itself. As it begins to relax from the trauma, there may be a lot more pain and injury than you first experienced. Don't sign off on anything for a little bit.

I once got in a car accident and two weeks later my body was nearly immovable from the strained muscles. I felt good enough to walk away from the crash and go to work the whole next week, then BAM! I was down for a couple of weeks. Take it easy, ok?

"In a typical rear-end accident, driver #1 is stopped when driver #2 hits his car from behind. Some states assume driver #2 is at fault, but even so, driver #2 may argue against that presumption of fault. For example, driver #2 may argue that driver #1 stopped so suddenly it was impossible not to hit him. If so, liability may be split between the drivers, for example, driver #2 may be 70% at fault (comparatively negligent) with driver #1 30% at fault."

    Bookmark   May 19, 2010 at 11:03AM
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