stepmom

megzc04May 14, 2012

Im having an issue with my husband and his son. I love them both very much but I cant handle my husbands views on parenting him. A little back ground on the situation is that we get my stepson every other weekend, he lives with his mom and stepdad full time which is not a great enviroment. His stepdad drinks alot and cheats on his mom and my stepson knows about it. He is a very good kid in school gets good grades but he knows he can get away with anything he wants with his dad. So my husband lets him do what ever he wants because he has tried to get him full time but his mom wouldnt allow it. so know my husband says I dont care how he acts I only get him every other weekend hes a bad seed.... His behavior consist of not listening when anyone ask him to do something, talking back, saying curse words and singing rap songs, punching people trying to hurt people mainly females, ( he is 8 by the way), and his dad lets him do all this and if I say anything Im the bad person and I dont know how it is to be a parent and I should just pretty much keep my mouth shut. He yells at me in front of his son instead of talking to his son about his behavior. He says I over react and its not a big deal how his son acts says stuff like hes just a kid he forgets things like I will have to tell him 5 times no jumping on the bed and his dad just lets him continue to do it. Another issue we have is we cant afford children right now its very upsetting for me because he just doesnt know how I feel. I want a child so bad and I sometimes think hes in no rush cause he already has a child, he claims he wants more but he just doesnt get how much it sucks we cant afford for me to have a child but we can afford to drove 2 hrs to go get his son every weekend. I dont know if this dislike for the situation im in is werer this stems from but I just need answers on how to deal with my husband not wanting to parent at all and be more like a friend to his son drives me crazy!

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justmetoo

Poor kid. A drunk for a stepfather he lives with 25 days a month and a father who sees him 5 days a month and calls him a 'bad seed'. Neither man in his life has any respect for females...one cheats, the other screams at his wife in front of children.

The kid has no role models in his life and you can't be one because Daddy says 'no' to your attempts. I guess my question would be, why do you want to bring another child into the home under these conditions? Dad's made it pretty clear he does not want anymore kids (nor can afford them). He does not parent the kid he has, what makes you think anything would be any different with this guy if you have one of your own with him?

Out of curiosity, how long have you and your husband been married?

    Bookmark   May 14, 2012 at 3:32PM
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readinglady

I keep thinking, "Poor boy." He needs consistent guidance and understanding. Calling him a bad seed is destructive.

Without loving parenting, at least during those times he's in your home, I don't see much hope for the future.

I agree with the previous poster. It doesn't appear your husband is any sort of parent now.

I understand you want a child very badly, but how would it benefit a child to be born into this situation?

    Bookmark   May 15, 2012 at 4:22AM
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imamommy

Run! Find yourself someone that wants the same things as you. Some people should not be allowed to have children & your SS's parents are a great example. I agree "poor child".

But I must add that you made a poor choice in marrying a guy that acts this way toward you and his child. Why on earth would you want to have a child WITH him? He is proven himself a poor father to one child. Do you think he will be better with YOUR child? He was probably not a very good husband to his child's mother as he's proven to have no respect for women. That's not to say it's all his fault because she obviously has issues where she chooses guys like that proven by her choice to marry her current husband that drinks & cheats.

You can't fix someone else's problems. This child had the misfortune to be born into that situation and there is nothing you can do seeing him only every other weekend. Even if he lived with you, it wouldn't make much difference because your husband doesn't support your position.

Find a good man that wants children & is prepared to be a parent to them. This guy isn't it. Good luck.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2012 at 10:50AM
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gardenandcats

You and Hubby need to sit down and have a long talk. If his son is going to be in your home every week end then you as his week end parent need to be able to have some say into how he is to be disciplined.
Hubby says you don't know how to be a parent? But you do know the normal rules of society and life!!! No child should ever be allowed to punch /hit anyone thats a no brainer..A 8 year old swearing thats another no!
Tell hubby we need to talk and both be on the same page about step son.Or there is going to be much bigger problems when he gets older.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2012 at 9:35AM
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