Let it go?
I am getting frustrated with my DH's parenting (or lack, thereof.)
I love him--and seriously, he IS a loving, involved father. BUT he just seems incapable of following through with anything.
SS's school behavior has really spiraled downwards in the last month or so--NO SURPRISE, given everything that's gone on with his mom.
He has always strugged behaviorally/academically, one of the many reasons my DH really wanted to hold him back and have him do kinder again. BM went ahead and enrolled him in 1st grade, anyway, despite the GAL agreeing that a repeat of kinder would be a positive thing.
Ok, so SS has this color system at school---green is the best, yellow means you got 1-2 warnings, then comes blue, purple, and red. Red is a trip to the principal's office.
SS used to get mostly yellows. The last few weeks, it's been yellows interspersed with several blues and a couple purples.
Yesterday he came home with a red. :(
So when he gets anything worse than a yellow, DH has been taking away priviliges--he will sometimes take away his Wii for a night, or he will lose computer priviliges, tv priviliges, you get the idea.
Yesterday for getting a red he lost everything---Wii, computer, and tv. And honestly--SS could care less. With the weather being so nice, the kids are playing outside most evenings, riding bikes and scooters, playing with the dog in the backyard, etc.
SS announced last night that he didn't care about losing all his priviliges. Dh thought he was just "over-compensating" and "pretending that he didn't care" but I think differently. For real--I don't think he cares!
So anyway, they get home from school and we have dinner and DH proceeds to say "hey, let's all go get ice cream." So we did that, the kids took baths and it was time for bed. Not ONCE did SS even have time to "feel the hurt" of not playing his game or playing webkinz or whatever.
Anyway, so while we are in the car driving to the ice cream place,DH says to SS "You know, you are really lucky I am letting you get a treat like this after getting a red. I'm tempted to not let you get any.....but I will let you this one time."
OMG. IMO, why even say anything at all? All that does (IMO) is send the message to SS that DH will threaten, but won't ever do much of anything.
UGH. It just annoys me.
I feel bad for SS that he has so many issues going on w/his mom but it just seems like NOW is the time, more than ever, to really give him clear boundaries and firmness at our home. Things w/BM might be a mess but it would be so good if DH could be firm and consistent with him HERE. It is my firm belief that when kids act out/misbehave, they are trying to tell us something---and I realy think SS is crying out for consistency and love, and part of THAT includes DH setting boundaries/rules for him. Kids NEED that.
So I tried to broach the subject last night w/DH that maybe taking away priviliges for something as serious as a red isn't working with SS. I suggested maybe an early bedtime, extra chore, etc. And he just blows me off and says "I've got it handled."
WHATEVER. I am just letting the whole thing go, I guess, but it irritates the crap out of me.
I would handle things SO much differently if I were the parent in this case...and it's frustrating b/c it feels like our kids have two separate sets of rules/expectations.
What do you think?