Ex has really lost it now

helpwiththisMay 13, 2009

I posted recently about my ex being in the hospital for shooting himself in the stomach. Well they released him after only a few days in the psych ward because they adjusted his bipolar meds and decided he was no longer a threat to anyone.

In the meantime I called someone in the courts about a restraining order. I was told pretty much that I could get an emergency one that was good for a few weeks. After that we would go before a judge. Since my ex has never shown anything but being a good dad to our dd, and because he willingly stayed in the hospital to get his meds adjusted I may not get the order extended. He has followed up with his psychaitrist since leaving the hospital as well.

So I thought why open that can of worms and have it backfire. If I did that and did not get the order extended it would cause drama between my ex and I. And he would make sure to take her at every visit, etc.

So he got out of the hospital and wanted to see dd the following weekend. I had talked to his brother who said he was coming to visit Saturday and Sunday. So I made up an excuse of why dd could not go Friday night. Sat and Sun dd was there with ex and his brother, so I felt safe.

Yesterday dd was asking about seeing her dad again. I now feel like she is acting as his protector. I was going to be near his home visiting a relative for dinner. So I told dd that if her dad would be home I would drop her there after dinner while I visited relatives for about an hour longer. I figured that ex has a roomate who will be home and it will only be an hour, which would get me out of having dd spend tonight there all night.

So I brought her there. As I was leaving my relatives later to go get her he came driving crazily down the street and pulled up so close to my car I thought he was going to hit it! And I was still parked!! He jumps out saying something about the police are coming to his house to raid it?? I ask where dd is and he says his home getting her things she had over there together!! At this point I was fuming and asked why the heck he would leave her there if this was really happening.

So I drove to his home quickly and got dd and left.

Ex tried talking to me and I told him that I was angry and not in the mood to discuss anything with him.

Now I am trying to figure out why he would be raided??? I know while he was in the hospital the police went to his home looking for the gun he shot himself with because he does not have a gun card so legally he should not have had a gun. So maybe this is why they were going there? Or maybe this is all in his head??

When I got there his roomate was leaving too with his girlfriend, so they must have bought into this stupidity.

I asked dd how her visit was and she said good. Her and ex watched tv and ate popcorn. I asked why she was bringing her things home from there and she said becuase daddy is moving soon (his lease really is up in June). And I asked her where the roomate was going and she said dinner with his gf. So I don't think she overheard her dads crazy raid stories. But then again she could be protecting him.

So this morning I called exs brother and told him I no longer felt safe with dd being alone with ex. Told him the story of last night. He told me ex is in the hospital this morning after supposidly falling down the stairs in his rental home. We both find it suspicious.

I am not going to let dd go there again. I am going to make up excuses and make plans to keep us busy on his days. His brother said that he will try to come visit his brother more so dd can come there when he is with. I had said that was the only way dd would see her dad.

I want a restraining order, but if I don't get it and I deny visitation I could get in more trouble than if I don't get the order and just make up excuses.

I am a mess over this today. Any advice?

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raek

Gosh, I wonder if the police really were on the way to raid the place and how he would know it if they were. Also, I'm not sure about the gun laws in your state, but in mine, you only need a permit to carry a concealed weapon, you don't need a permit to own a gun and to have it in the home.

Do you really feel like he could be a threat to you? I know you never can tell when a person is mentally unstable. Has he been violent with you or DD in the past?

    Bookmark   May 13, 2009 at 10:53AM
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nikemama

GO GET THE EPO!!! My Ex was the same way but never hurt himself or others. You will get the order. He tried to KILL HIMSELF!! No judge is going to allow someone THAT unstable to keep a child unsupervised. Ask to have your visit order to read something like mine:

That the Respondent is a person who has mental illness and who should have visitation with his children but should do so only when he is properly taking his medication. Therefore, it is appropriate that he have reasonalble visitation as agreed to between the parties but that he should not have visitation at anytime that it appears he is not taking medications as prescribed.

Maybe even something a little more harsh since the prescribed isn't completely controlled.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2009 at 11:00AM
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sweeby

Sounds like a perfect setup to ask for supervised visitation --
And isn't that what you really want?

    Bookmark   May 13, 2009 at 11:01AM
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pjb999

Clearly your ex is not 'responsible' at the moment, in both senses - his medication is not working correctly, and he is therefore not completely 'responsible' for his actions, nor is he 'responsible' enough to care for his daughter. If she's not covering for him, behaviour-wise, (and you would notice altered behaviour on her part) then he has kept it together whilst she's there, which is good.

It would appear you and his brother are on the same page so perhaps you should do your own 'supervised visits' and have it so his brother is there, and explain your thinking and what the other option is (some sort of legal action on your part) - I guess you should also ensure someone is monitoring the situation medically.

You have to ask yourself what you want at this point - you sound as if you're a reasonable person and want your daughter to have a relationship with her dad, that being said a restraining order or loss of visitation might not achieve what you want for your daughter - if he's not in his right mind, a restraining order won't work. If you consider he's a danger to her, then you need to approach it from that point of view. From what you've said, monitoring it and having the brother there might be the best approach, if you don't want to take that big step.

Most of all, I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2009 at 3:20PM
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helpwiththis

Well I told ex that dd is not going to his home anymore because I feel it is unsafe. We argued, he cried, and we ended the conversation. I then called his family to let them know he was upset and see if they could check on him. DD demanded to know why she could no longer go to see her dad (he told her on the phone that I would not allow her to go to his home). I told her that his home was no longer a safe place for kids to be and that she could see him at his families homes.

She cried and said I am being mean. She then told me how his home is the only place she EVER has any fun or can relax. She said she has no chores over there and gets to pick whatever she wants to eat all the time (McDonalds vs. Burger King). Here I just make dinner and she has to eat!

I am so hurt. I have asked her to help plan meals and help cook. We do lots of things that are fun together and she enjoys them. Now she is blaming all of this on me.

So I told her that this is not my fault. That her father is making poor choices and I feel like his medicine does not have his behavior under control. I told her about him saying the cops were coming and about him saying people were going to kill him. I told her because of those things I did not feel she would be safe there.

She still blames me. She then told me that if we had to wait for her dad to make better choices then she would never see him!

I HATE my ex right now for making this situation. I HATE that I have spent the last 12 years doing everything for our daughter and living my life around making hers a happy wonderful life and now I am the one being blamed for his problems by her. I HATE that while he has been out drinking and partying and blowing her off at times that I have been the one at home with her and now I am getting no recognition for that. I am just the bad guy.

I just can not win in this situation. I am so sad.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2009 at 6:07PM
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