I am going to smack DH upside the head!
Sorry in advance--I feel like I am just full of vents about my DH lately. :(
It seems like this whole court/BM thing has really taken a toll on our relationship. We just cannot see eye to eye on things at all lately---well, anything pertaining to SS or BM, that is. :(
Ok, so tonight---we have a babysitter for the kids. We NEVER get a sitter when SS is with us. Literally, in the 5+ years we've been together, I could count on ONE HAND (and not use all 5 fingers!) the number of times we've had a sitter. Seriously, it's probably 3-4 times.
We always plan things for the weekends when SS is not with us. On the RARE occasion that something does come up on a weekend we have him, that we cannot/do not want to miss, DH almost always switches nights around with BM to accomodate. We could have done that this time, and just had my mom watch DD, but with the court stuff, DH just doesn't want to ask BM for ANY favors.
So--we have a sitter we've used for DD before. She is awesome. Just finished her junior year of college, is an early childhood ed. major, fun, bubbly and loves kids. I met her 3 yrs ago b/c she was the summer nanny for two sisters at my DD's preschool.
I've used this sitter for DD many times and she rocks. She has never babysat for SS, though.
So--DH is not telling BM we have a sitter until this afternoon for the sheer reason that she will b*tch and moan about it and just make things difficult.
Here's where DH and I disagree. DH asked me for the sitter's # because he wants to give it to BM.
I said NO WAY.
The last time we had a sitter for the kids--it was about a year ago--and they slept over at my mom's. We gave BM my mom's number and she called THREE times in one evening to talk to SS. The last time she called, she asked to talk to my mom and appparently, she went on and on to my mom about how she doesn't know her very well, doesn't feel comfortable with SS being there, and was considering coming (at, like 9 or 10 pm, mind you) to pick him up!!!! My mom seriously did not know what to say. BM wound up calming down and did NOT show up to "collect" SS but GEEZ...and the reason DH and I had my mom babysit that night? We were MOVING that day and needed the kids out of the house!
ANYWAY--the way I look at it (and tell me if I am wrong) is that this girl is my babysitter, someone I know and like. I do not want to make her feel uncomfortable or put her in an awkward position with anything. And mark my words-if BM gets on the phone with her, she WILL run her mouth in some manner. About what, lord only knows, but she WILL do it.
DH's argument is that BM has the *right* to talk to her son anytime she feels like it. UGH. I said have him call her from your cell phone before we leave tonight, and then she can talk to SS in the morning. DH said "well, what if there is an emergency?" He said it is the "morally right" thing to do to give BM the sitter's number.
WHAT kind of emergency would occur where BM would need to talk to SS? IF there were an emergency on her end, then she could and would call DH! if the SITTER has an emergency, then SHE would obviously call DH or myself, as we will BOTH have our cells with us!
W do have a home phone but it is an unlisted # and BM does NOT have it! (this is a relatively new thing---for a long time, we only had our cells, but for safety reasons, we decided to get a land line, as well.) BM will never have that # though.
I realize this may seem like a small argument to have with DH..and it IS...but at the same time..it just feels like constant, never-ending stuff regarding BM and this whole crappy situation.
Thanks for listening.