Mother's Day

lady_qMay 5, 2011

Just curious. How many of you will be spending Mother's Day with your stepkids?

SS16 will be spending Mother's Day with us, as he has for the last 9 years. BM doesn't seem to have any interest in it at all, and doesn't seem perturbed to not celebrate that day with her son. But, then again, she's never really embraced the whole "Mom" thing. Likes to pretend she's his big sister or favourite aunt.

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MrsProffit25

Hey , Just enjoy it!! I usually get atleast 1/2 the day with my SD... not this year - and im upset... But then again Im not her mom.. I did get the Mothers Day picture she made in school... She showed it to her mom!!! But brought it home for me!!! Amazingly it is starting to seem like SD is realising who "takes care" of her... I love her so much :) But this year it will be just mommy dh and my 2 babies and thats "ok"

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 9:03AM
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mattie_gt

This year SS will be at BM's, because it is her weekend anyway, and because BM made a huge deal out of "having him" on Mother's Day.

This is fine with us - in my opinion BM completely misses the point. She will get to "have" SS on Mother's Day. I have already gotten, just this past week: one Mother's Day card, made in school, where SS told me he loves me "SO much!", several bouquets of wildflowers, one compliment on how pretty I looked in my new spring skirt, a couple of times where SS was practicing his best manners; namely, when I'd get up or come back to the dinner table SS would rise and stand until I was seated (!), many, many hugs, and one explanatory sentence from SS.

The last was in regard to "Take Your Father To School Day" where the kids are supposed to take a father, uncle, grandfather or male role model to spend the day at school. I made an off-hand comment about why was there no "Take Your SM to School Day", and SS asked why there would be such a thing. I laughed and said because I help with homework, I make sure he's up, dressed and fed, that book reports are done, I listen to all the stories about teachers, friends, schoolwork, etc. and I thought it would be interesting to see how a "regular" school day went. SS looked at me like I was a bit dim-witted and said "But Mom - that's why you would just go on 'Take Your Mom to School Day', because that's what Moms do." (There actually is not a "Take Your Mom To School Day", which was what I'd been talking about - but I really appreciated the sentiment!)

I don't know if I mentioned that in the mediation BM was adamant about getting to have Mother's Day - but equally adamant about DH not getting Father's Day if it fell on "her" weekend, which it does this year. DH agreed in a heartbeat; he wanted to get it completed that day because BM had already agreed to give up joint legal custody (DH now has sole legal). Honestly, who is more concerned about spiting their ex on Father's Day than in legal custody of their child?!

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 10:15AM
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silversword

SD will be with BM, so it will just be DD and I. We have a traditional personal event we do together every year. This year we're inviting a family member who has always been like a mother to me. I'm looking forward to it. :)

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 10:40AM
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mom_of_4

normally, BM will get the earlier part of the day and I get the afternoon. (In the past there have been times that we offered longer and she really didnt want it). However, this year she made plans to go to a local park for the weekend and not come back until sunday evening. So, unfortunately the only kids I will get are the tired dirty kids getting ready for school on Monday. I am a little bummed and perturbed... A little more consideration would have been nice especially in our situation... but I choose to let the little battles go. I am more concerned about getting her to cooperate with us in getting the boys to do any of their school work when they are with her instead of just letting them say "oh I dont have any work to do" and then her telling us "I just dont think they would lie to me" when we tell her they lied and did have homework, projects tests etc that needed to be taken care of.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 2:45PM
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myfampg

I know you probably weren't asking me buy I wanna answer. This weekend is actually BD's weekend with DD but by default mother's day is mom's weekend father's day weekend is dad's weekend in our CO. So... Dd will be with me BUT the awesome myfam that I am I offered BD Saturday... And if that was a no, I offered next weekend since he will miss a weekend -- no response. Oh well.

I also had DD make a special Mother's Day 'gift' for SM... She took it with her today for her weekday overnight visit. I hope SM appreciates it. I'm sure she will but I'm hoping this will show them that I am being a good person... And putting aside MY feelings to include SM in The celebration of MOM's. Doubt it will happen but dd sure was excited.

Happy Mother's Day to my friends -BM's/SM's/G-Ma's... Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend no matter where you are.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 2:52PM
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myfampg

Oh and do you know the best part of helping dd make SM a Mother's Day gift? When I told her that the package was in her backpack and not to forget it when she gets home today, she turned around and hugged me and said 'thanks mom you're the best mom ever'. So it was worth it.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 3:30PM
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parent_of_one

DD and SDs are all adults and live far away. Until this year younger SD was always with us for Mothers Day half a day and then went to moms for half a day, she does nto stay at mom overnight. She always brought me nice flowers for Mothers day, I think it is sweet of her and I have met her she was almost adult. But this year all kids live too far to visit that often. :( But we are going to my mothers for Mothers day. :)

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 3:33PM
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lovehadley

SS will be with his mom this weekend; she gets Mother's Day weekend per the parenting plan, as DH gets Father's Day weekend. Regardless of whose weekend it's *supposed* to be.

This weekend is technically our regular weekend, but BM will have him. Since she also had him last weekend, we will then have him for two weekends in a row to make up.

That's how their plan is written.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 5:18PM
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silversword

Jeez Love, that sounds complicated! I'm so glad Ex and I are flexible about those things. If it works easily for her to be with him on F-day or me on M-day, that's how it goes. If not.... oh well.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 5:43PM
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parent_of_one

'thanks mom you're the best mom ever'. :)

this is so sweet myfampg, my DD says that too, she also adds silly jokes like "thank you mommy for not being crazy like so and so's mother" LOL

happy mother's day!

    Bookmark   May 5, 2011 at 9:56PM
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mattie_gt

Thanks, myfampg! A happy Mother's Day to all from me as well.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 8:20AM
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imamommy

SD12 is going to her mom's for the weekend but yesterday, gave me a dozen roses & a very nice card.

DIL has not arranged a visit with DGS2 for this weekend yet & it's already Friday, so I don't know if she plans to see him.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 9:45AM
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parent_of_one

that's nice of your SD to get you flowers!

and so typical of your DIl...Sad...Happy mothers/grandmothers day!

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 4:02PM
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lovehadley

"Jeez Love, that sounds complicated!"

It IS....BUT I much prefer that for our situation.

Since I'm the one taking care of SS so much when he is with us, I like to know my own schedule. KWIM? But I agree, in "normal" situations, flexibility is good.

And DH/BM are flex if they need to be....but I think we've all found it's better for EVERYONE, esp. SS, if the schedule is adhered to as much as possible. It's predictable. Plan-able. :)

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 5:25PM
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parent_of_one

I agree love, when kids are spending equal/or at least lots of time with both parents it is the best for everyone including the kid to plan ahead of time and have a schedule. It would be too stressful to play by ear and not know what is going on and not being able to plan, kids need routine and adults need to be able to plan their events. I think your situation is normal (minus crazy BM's antics).

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 6:02PM
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sweeby

"Honestly, who is more concerned about spiting their ex on Father's Day than in legal custody of their child?!"

- Guess you know the answer to *that* question...

Don't imagine we'll be seeing my SKids since they're adults and BioMom isn't quite.

I expect instead that I'll be cooking for 30-ish (they never RSVP) for Hubby's Mom and sisters and their kids.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 6:10PM
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silversword

LH: Totally understandable. I'd want to be able to plan too. :)

Sweeby... that would make me crazy, but I hear your kitchen is gorgeous and you're a fantastic cook!

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 10:13PM
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momof3_stepof1

my ss will be spending the day with me. Kind of, I have to work all day but he's with us this weekend. His bm wanted him but he didn't want to miss baseball so he told her he wanted to stay home. She let him. I'm going to post about her rant yesterday in another thread but at the end of that text fight she told my husband to tell me Happy Mother's Day. I think it was sarcastic.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2011 at 12:30PM
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justmetoo

Happy Mother's Day, ladies.

Today we do get the GS. Ex DIL always lets DS have him this weekend. She's very considerate of my mother (who she considers her GMa)and especially this year with my mom just having cancer surgery. Tomorrow is GS's birthday too so we are doing a picnic at my mother's to celebrate both events. GS's SM has to work until 3pm but she will be joining in when she gets off.

SS and SGS will be coming in a few weeks when school gets out and SS picks SGS up for the summer. They'll spend the evening and overnight here before they head for SS's home.

The one child/adult child I won't get to see today/soon is my DD and her son. I've obviously pi$$ed off her husband again (who knows why nor cares)and I'm being 'punished'. Oh well. At least SIL's mother and grandma get to spend the day with this GS and I'm sure these ladies will enjoy having GS and DD.

    Bookmark   May 8, 2011 at 7:26AM
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parent_of_one

sounds like you have great day ahead of you, justmetoo...enjoy your time with your large family :) happy mothers day!

I had something nice happened to me yesterday, younger SD who actually is arriving this week later to stay with us, sent me a small gift for Mother's Day. Even though she does something for me every year I cry every time it happens. And one thing is to buy something when i am right there and the other actually go to a post office and make an effort...I certainly am not her mother and never pretend to be, but she still does these things and I get sentimental every time. It made me think of being "real"...I think this is very real...:)

I don't get to see DD as well justmetoo, not until August, she lives away too far to make frequent visits. :(

    Bookmark   May 8, 2011 at 9:45AM
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elizabethg216

I'm envious of you all. My three SD's 29, 21 and 20 never said a word to me and two of them live with us.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2011 at 1:19PM
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parent_of_one

that's awful, elizabeth!!!! why is that??? what's their reasoning?

    Bookmark   May 10, 2011 at 5:06PM
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parent_of_one

Elizabeth, I posted on other thread: maybe you should start a new thread about your situation, people with similar experiences might have good advice. Sorry for your situation

    Bookmark   May 10, 2011 at 5:12PM
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wonderinginchicago

Count your blessings and enjoy your day. Spoil yourself. This is not a reflection on you, it is a reflection on them. I have three biological children (ages 24, 23, and 17) and two stepchildren (ages 18 and 13). Only one lives with us and he worked (he asked me first). From the other four, I didn't get any cards, phone calls, texts, e-mails wishing me a happy mothers day and haven't since 2002 or longer. I had a great time with my husband at my 'mom prom' anyway!

    Bookmark   May 11, 2011 at 1:08AM
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ashley1979

This was actually the first mothers day I didn't get a text or get told happy mothers day from SD. I'm not upset, really, just disappointed. But it kinda makes sense. Ever since we got back from our visit in March, DH hasn't been able to talk to her. The only calls he's gotten from her are butt-calls. So if she isn't talking to him, I can't really expect her to talk to me. Plus, since her mom has been divorced, SD basically has to entertain her (as witnessed when we visited in March).

    Bookmark   May 11, 2011 at 10:28AM
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parent_of_one

Gee, ashley, it is getting crazier, so now SD entertains her BM?

    Bookmark   May 11, 2011 at 5:07PM
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ashley1979

Oh yeah! They're best buds!!!! They do everything toghether. I'm actually really worried because I think BM is trying to be too much of a friend to SD.

BM got all peeved because we walked SD to her car after BM disappeared. Actually peeled out in the parking lot.

    Bookmark   May 11, 2011 at 5:56PM
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