New Update - SS with us for 6 weeks
I'm crazy busy, but I might need you ladies in the next few weeks.
Things between SS12 and BM came to a very heated head last week and he's staying with us until school is out.
He went to a friend's place without calling after school. Sure, this isn't good behavior, but pretty much every 12yo does it a couple of times. IMO, it's part of growing up and gaining independence to screw that up at least once.
BM flipped her lid when she tracked him down, yelled at him in front of his friends, told him he wasn't allowed to have friends anymore, she didn't want him, and that he should live with us now... Seems a bit extreme, hey?
DH and I had talked a lot about the toxicity level at BM's and that SS seemed to really be struggling. We'd discussed that we would have him more if it seemed like it would be of benefit to him, but didn't want to just give BM an easy way out of parenting.
But when she said she didn't want him anymore because he forgot to call home, we decided that enough was enough. She dropped him off here (as scheduled) right afterwards, in complete fight-or-flight mode, hurt, angry, and terrified of being shouted at some more.
We all talked and agreed to discuss things with BM.
So DH called her a day or two later. She said "I didn't think you guys would ever actually want him. I was just saying you should take him because I never thought you would." Um... WTH?
But she came around to the idea. So DH and I had a meeting with BM and her DH. We agreed that he will be here until the end of school, seeing them sometimes on weekends and a couple days a week after school.
SS has been incredibly well-behaved here so far and seems like he's had a chance to exhale for the first time in months. He spent the day with BM yesterday, and they were all HAPPY and laughing together when we picked him up! We haven't seen them enjoying each other's company in months, so that was really good to see.
We know it's still "the honeymoon" and he is going to behave like an obnoxious snot at some point over the next five weeks... He's 12, it happens ;)... But it seems to be going well.
We're in tight quarters, because we live in a small apartment condo with two adults, two cats, our 7mo DD and 12yo SS... But it's going well.
Wish us luck.
(Quick background for those who don't remember our story:
DH met BM a few weeks after SS was born and they dated for almost three years.
SS is not DH's bioson; but DH is the closest thing he has to a dad.
SS, 12yo, has bipolar disorder and severe ADHD. He takes meds.
BM got married last year. Her DH is a nice guy and is a stabilizing presence in SS's life.)