Stepson scares me

stepmom1958May 30, 2010

Help! My 17 year old stepson scares me. I have been in his life for 10 years and have tried to bond with him. However, I must admit I really do not like this boy. He is very strange. He does not have any interests or friends. When I talk to his Dad about it he says he is fine. I think he is depressed but his father ignores it.

I find him staring at me all the time and he gives me the creeps!!! I will be watching TV and I will see him in the TV's reflection just standing behind me staring. When we eat dinner he just stares at me. I always find him hanging around me just staring at me. I refuse to be at home alone with him. I try to do things away from home when he is with us every other weekend. I have thought about divorcing his father but he is almost 18 and I can't wait until he isn't here every other weekend. He also creeps out his older brother. He has said sexual comments to his brother's girlfriend on several occassions.

This has really created problems in our marriage. I understand this is my husband's son - but the kid is just strange and he scares me.

Any help or suggestions would be appreciated!

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Even for me as a man, that staring would creep me out as well.

WHen your personal safety is potentially affected, then you shoud :(1) discuss w the dad about your being real uncomfortable with his staring, so that he can observe it the next time , (2) this could be some hidden psychological problems, (3) after you both agree about the staring then you both should sit down and talk to SS. I would let the dad lead the charge here.

I would approach it from a non-accusing manner. Start out with comments like "most people feel very uncomfortable when being stared at, I think, you would feel the same, wouldn't you?" then to "is there any reasons that you stare at your step mom?".

Does he exhibit similar behaviors at school?

Sometimes guys (father) tend to be not sensitive to things like that, so you will have to express your concern, not in an accusatory manner but also for your own safety and the mental health of your SS. You could start the conversation w your h with statement like:

"When you have some time, I want to share with you something that has bothered me, I want to get your opinions in how to solve this". then "my concern might be unfounded, but I cannot seem to solve it myself, so I need you to help. I have noticed that XXX has stared at me, and perhaps it is nothing, but to me it feels quite strange and scared. So will you observe XXX and don't say anything to him yet, and tell me what you think." "Perhaps XXX is not aware of doing that, and that will impact his social interaction with others."

If your husb continues to brush it off, then make sure again that it is not about his son, but it is about you and your fear. You cannot continually living in that fear in your own home. If he ignores it again, then you have married the wrong man.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2010 at 9:43AM
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it does sound creepy! I would insist your husband talks to his son and this weird staring stops, it does not sound normal. I would keep insisting until something is done.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2010 at 5:54PM
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I assume that SS is still in school. If not, that's another question. I suspect SS has issues, and Dad should look to pediatrician or school GC for a referal for an evaluation. Good luck.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2010 at 8:35AM
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I think I would file an unofficial report with the police. Put in the records that you are afraid of him and if anything happens to you they should check his alibi. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Well, it is crazy, just like it's crazy for a 17 year old to behave this way and crazy of you to stay in the house with this guy. The father will never acknowledge there is a problem.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2010 at 5:30PM
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Put your safety first;
get out of there.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2010 at 5:48PM
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