Update ~ Court today!!!

imamommyMay 17, 2011

Well, it went fairly well. A little background/update on how we got here today.

Several months ago (in December), DH filed contempt charges for unpaid medical bills. BM failed to show in court so it was dropped but when she came to court for DCSS, they gave them a new court date.

A few weeks ago, I went with DH to pick up SD... the first time in over 6 months (I stayed in the car & never even saw her) But that was the weekend SD fell & hurt her tailbone but BM didn't bother taking her to the hospital... but BM twisted her own ankle & went to the ER, then called SD to tell her not to worry because it's not broken.) That day, BM told DH that they are lowering her child support. The following week, SD wanted to stay an extra day with us to go to a BBQ but BM said no. The night before she was to be picked up, SD threw up in the middle of the night. When BM found out SD wasn't in school because she got sick... instead of rushing to pick her up early, she wanted to cancel... which meant we can't go to the BBQ with a sick child. BM's mother reluctantly came to get SD, who said she was feeling better. I guess grandma made SD wear a surgical mask all the way home so she didn't give any germs to her.

Anyway, then came phone calls about SD's shoes that I had confiscated from her the week before. I had a phone call with grandma.. she began yelling at me. I yelled back. Lots of profanities & BM put grandma's phone on speaker & joined in. Well, apparently SD was listening to the whole conversation along with her sister. Then BM went on Facebook & posted that I am threatening & harassing her & stalking her & her daughter. She used my full name & my DH's full name.

So, there are a lot of court things going on:

1. BM is trying to get her support lowered & pay half of what the court ordered her to pay on arrears. She also wants the court to let her mail in her job search forms.

1.a. DH objected to everything she wanted. He said she is supposed to drive up here anyway to pick up her daughter, she can bring her job search forms & drop them off on those days instead of making special trips like she claimed. He noted that she didn't report all of her income or give proof of any of her income to modify support. and she hasn't paid a penny in a year so she doesn't deserve a break on the arrears payment.

2. DH filed contempt on BM not paying anything for the past year, including medical bills.

2.a. BM didn't file an answer but did tell the court that DH only sent her invoices, not receipts so she didn't think she has to pay them.

3. DH filed to ask the court to make BM transport SD to an from all visits since he has been working 7 days a week & BM sits home all day & has more time on her hands. He also asked the court to make her pay the bus fee since we've paid it for the last four years.... well, I have.

3.a. BM responded that they should meet halfway to exchange SD, which would mean that DH would drive an hour to get home then double back for an hour & half to meet on Fridays because he works on Friday. BM also asked the court to make DH pay for the shoes we confiscated.

4. I filed a case against BM for defamation of character and Libel because she wrote lies about me, using my full name on the internet, which may pop up if my name is ever googled. There were also several responses to her post and two included offers to send people to "take care" of me. Plus the lies about me were saying I committed illegal acts.

4.a. BM has not responded to it.

Today was the hearing on the child support, arrears, transportation, and bus fee. The Judge was not impressed with her. DCSS tried to sell out DH because they were going to accept her request to lower support to zero & pay half on the arrears. So when they got in front of the Judge, DH objected & won. The Judge started calculating what the support should be & BM tells him that she had another baby, like it would help. The Judge said "how do you support the baby you had if you have no income?" and she had the dumbest look on her face for what seemed like a long time, but was probably a minute. Then she said the father supports the baby... so then she tries to tell him that if she were to get a job, she would have child care expenses that would be expensive. He tells her that's what happens when you decide to have more children, there are expenses that should be expected with baby's. So, he tells her that if he goes forward, her support will go up. So, he decides to leave it at $216 per month. He also refused to let the arrears payment be lowered. (She tried to explain that the reason she didn't report her spousal support is because she is engaged to be married to BF & the spousal support will end. DH says she's still married. BM tells the Judge her ex won't sign the papers, that's why she's still married~ she so stupid because in CA, the ex doesn't need to sign divorce papers & of course the Judge knows that so he looked at her like she's crazy) Besides, if a guy is paying temporary spousal support & getting a divorce will end it... because she wants to remarry, who in their right mind would refuse to get divorced? DUH!

On DH's motion to make her transport & pay the bus fee, DH is told he has to pay the bus fee since the child lives with him. He is also told that SD is the person that matters the most & the public policy is for children to have frequent & continuing contact with both parents, so he was denying the motion to make her do all the transport. DH gave it his best, trying to convince the Judge that fuel prices are killing us, he works 7 days a week & it's a 6 hour round trip, etc. But the Judge repeated it several times... "your daughter needs frequent & continuing contact with BOTH parents so you're going to have to continue to do half of the transporting". DH walked out of the court so upset until I laid it out for him what the Judge was really saying... that if he made BM do all the transporting, she probably wouldn't come see SD at all & that would hurt SD.

DCSS objected to DH's motion for contempt on the child support she hasn't paid so the court dismissed that case. So, DH at least won in that he didn't let her drop the support down to zero. He didn't know until today that she was trying to get it lowered to nothing... I'm very proud of him because it's the first time he's been in court without our attorney. They were going to award him attorney fees but since he went on his own, there was none to claim.

As for my case with BM... that is scheduled for next week.

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good news on one hand on the other she still does not pay CS!, I can't believe this nasty woman, good luck with your case against BM next week, hope they get her in some kind of trouble

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 6:09AM
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Meeting halfway even if a hassle for DH would be best with a reasonable parent ... but she doesn't come on friday GM does so no need to meet her ...and if so I would want to meet at a mutual place but I am sure BM would figure out a way to make DH wait around ....

How many more months will she not pay before he is able to take her back to court again?

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 6:32AM
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How ridiculous that BM just goes on ignoring her obligations and nothing ever seems to happen to her. I'm glad they didn't just let her off the hook - but at the same time it would have been nice if they'd actually taken any real action.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 8:43AM
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Hmm, if DH took her to BM's, but BM was responsible for bring SD back, I betcha she'd be doing half the driving ;)

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 8:46AM
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Eventually they will catch up to her and if she's not paying and not paying on the arrears she'll have consequences. I didn't believe it'd ever happen either but my son's sperm donor reports to jail Thursday for 9 months. I know.... some people say... "If they're in jail they can't pay you either." That's all fine and dandy... cause he's not paying period, just producing more welfare babies for everyone's tax dollars to pay for. So, I say let him sit in there and think about it for awhile. He has a lifetime ahead of him to be paying me back. I'll get it eventually. Right now my son and I are making it just fine, the extra would be great but we're not homeless without it. Just keep fighting for it. It gets old but eventually it pays off.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 9:21AM
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What shocked me & DH, was the DCSS was going to agree to drop it down to zero and $50 per month on arrears. I guess they figured she'd pay the $50 and they could stop making her look for work. But, they are a government agency and they seem to care more about statistics that doing what's right. Or maybe they are anti-father, even when he's custodial. She is a parent that they can't collect $316 from and they were willing to sell out SD & DH to make her a parent they could collect $50 from by making it easy. That really pisses me off... because she is very smug about it.

She has the attitude of "I'm not working, so I shouldn't have to pay!" or "I can't find a job, so you can't make me pay" and the newest one, "I have a new baby to take care of".

Her option to meet halfway: DH had said that she's supposed to come get SD three Friday's a month, so she could drop off her job logs when she comes to get SD. If the court ordered them to meet halfway, she could say it's a hardship to come up here to bring the forms. I don't think it matters because DCSS probably is going to let her mail them in. They don't seem to be interested in doing anything to make her pay.

Besides, DH works until 6pm on Friday. He works 45 minutes away, so he would have to drive home to get SD... then drive to the halfway point, which she was proposing halfway from his work to her house. We live in the other direction so he would have to double back and would probably get SD there by 9 pm on Friday night. That is ridiculous because grandma doesn't like to drive at night. lol

I think it was very telling how the court viewed it. The Judge told BM she'd better start paying her support from the spousal support until she found a job. BM said if she got a job, child care would cost too much. The Judge told her that when you have a new child, it comes with expenses she should have expected. When she argued that the spousal support is going to end when she marries BF, and he asked her if she will be married by the 20th of June... she said no because her (ex)husband won't sign the papers. So, then he asked her who supports the baby & she said BF does... so she her argument that she has a new baby means nothing to the court in regard to her supporting SD. She was not happy at all. DH was not happy either, we were hoping they would make her do all the driving to give him a break... with the gas prices and with working so much, it is a strain but the Judge is right, she would probably stop seeing her. Of course, I don't think that is such a bad thing... but SD would be hurt by it.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 10:05AM
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My ss bm told the judge she didn't believe she should have to pay support when we went to court too. She had no good reason other then the fact that she didn't have a job at the moment. She had just quit the previous Monday when she decided to stay in the other state with new bf. I guess she thought all moms are entitled to not have to support their child. She thought wrong though. $56 a week isn't much but at least it's something.

We also have to meet half way even though bm is the one who decided to move so far away. That's why she only gets one weekend per month during the school year.

Good luck getting her to pay, just know, if she doesn't.... eventually the consequences will come.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 10:50AM
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In my state is BM doesnt pay after 3 months she loses her liscense and then after another 3 months is a bench warrent... they dont do things like this where you live? she just "gets away with it"??? thats crazy.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 12:35PM
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I'm floored by the fact that DCSS seems to actually be defending this woman who hasn't been paying her child support, when it is their JOB to pursue people who don't pay. That is insane!!! Why in the world would they object to the Contempt hearing??? When can DH refile for contempt?

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 1:22PM
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DH can file for contempt but must give them 30 days notice that he is going to take independent action. He did that 30 days ago & yesterday, they objected to it and said they would object to it again if he re-files because they are providing "enforcement". DH is ready to close his case with them & try to collect on his own. The only reason he doesn't want to, is they can intercept her taxes while he can't. That is how she got paid up last time & he got a few thousand all at once.

We live in CA & he was told that after 3 months of no payments the license is suspended automatically. However, she drove herself to court & lives 3 hours away... hmmm, they didn't say anything about that.

Oh yeah, when the Judge was calculating support, he asked DH how many people live in our house. DH includes DGS because we are legal guardians. BM jumps in to say she and BF have 6 kids between them.... she failed to mention that his three live with their mom & she was including SD, so DH made sure the Judge knew that she was trying to include SD.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 2:42PM
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Filing contempt charges is nothing but a waste of time and money when it comes to custody and CS. I tried it once because X wasn't paying support for over a year. All I did was rack up a bunch of attorney bills for absolutely nothing.

As a matter of fact, the OAG actually erased the first year in our modification papers so it wouldn't be an issue in the future. So X got off free and clear with no consquences for his actions.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 2:56PM
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"Hmm, if DH took her to BM's, but BM was responsible for bring SD back, I betcha she'd be doing half the driving ;)"

HAHAHA. So true!

I guess it sounds like it went *okay* Ima, but I agree---wish they'd really stick it to her! She is such a pathetic excuse for a parent.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 5:17PM
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Imma that's all good. I agree that if BM doesn't get to meet half way, she won't see SD and I do believe that will hurt her more. I am so glad they didn't lower her support. I absolutely hate how some people will weasel out of paying their child support. Support your kids!!!!! I pay a LOT in childcare but... I wouldn't save anything from quitting my job... I wonder why grandma can't be 'childcare' for her baby. She does everything else...

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 8:27PM
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I honestly believe her mom moved up there to live when BM got pregnant because she knew BM would have nobody to "help" her take care of this new baby. Plus, older DD is almost 16 so she is also a built in babysitter... we all know how excited teens are to be a built in babysitter [sarcasm intended]

SD & BF's kids also "watch" the baby when they are around.

According to BF's exW, BM couldn't take care of the baby when she hurt her ankle. As we all know, BM is always hurting something... never quite broken because Xrays are proof of an injury... she get's a lot of really bad sprains so she needs help with the baby when that happens. Of course she could work & grandma could watch the baby. She could also work nights while BF is home, that's what I did when I was with my ex... he worked one shift & I worked a different one... we were two ships that passed six kids back & forth because child care would have sank us. She just doesn't WANT to work... and her BF is getting tired of supporting her & now her daughter. Teens are expensive. I do know that grandma buys most of the stuff they need. BM probably gives BF all her money to keep him appeased.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 9:22PM
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