Boyfriend with child

beyond_confusedMay 26, 2010

Let me give you some background first before I go into the situation:

-I have a 2 year old son, I was with his father for 4 years. We broke up 2 days before my son was born. When my son was a few months old I met my current boyfriend, we are engaged now. We dated for awhile, but we were young, he gave me a promise ring and I broke it off a few months later. I got back together with the father of my child. A couple years into that my current boyfriend found me and we went through alot to be back together. My son's father was very abusive and wouldn't let me leave him. During the time I was trying to get back together with my ex I got pregnant with his child and he also got another girl pregnant. I had a miscarriage and she went on to have the child. We eventually got back together for good a couple months after I had the miscarriage. The other girl that had his kid is now trying to bring the baby around his family and I don't know how to deal with it.

We are supposed to be getting married this summer but I can't picture myself loving his child. I want to, don't get me wrong because he has been a father to my child since I left his biological dad. My son's father isn't anywhere in the picture. I don't know if I'm being selfish because I too have a child that my fiance accepted. I feel angry at him for having a child with someone else. The baby is only a couple months old. I feel like it should have been me with the baby and not her. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and was due in April of 2010. I don't see a problem with being with someone that has a child, but the hardest part for me is knowing that this all happened while I was around and that I miscarried with his kid.

I just need some support or advice on how to deal with these feelings.

I know the whole situation is confusing, but my fiance is an incredible guy. He is trying to hard to help me with these feelings, but I just get more and more angry with him about the other baby.

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"my fiance is an incredible guy"

He sounds like it, 2 girlfriends pregnant at the same time & now he's "trying to help you with your feelings" of anger (dare I say rage? I would if I were in your boots) at *him*.

What arrogance!

I don't think you have any wiggle room with the baby;
the baby is a human being, your boyfriend is her father, & that's reality.

His "trying hard to help you with your feelings" is just too weird;
the person with whom you are angry can't "help" you with your feelings, all he can (should) do is humbly apologize & express remorse that he has hurt you.
For him to try to "help you with your feelings" is self-serving on his part, not in your best interests.

You might want to back off & cool off & look at this with a fresh perspective.

There are so many other fish in the sea.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 5:14PM
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"I know the whole situation is confusing, but my fiance is an incredible guy."

you must have low expectations of men if you think he is an incredible guy. sounds like a loser to me.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 9:09PM
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