taking Pseudo's advice

yabberMay 26, 2010

Last year we wanted to take the kids to a footie game. They told BM and came back to us all upset because BM got angry when they told her. She had plans to take them herself!! The kids felt bad and so we let it slide, leaving it up to BM to take them.

(I know that BM can still take them, even if we do, of course. And also they were 11 and 13, if she was so hell bent on taking them herself, then why were they still waiting??)

Anyway, BM didn't take them, so the kids still haven't been. It's halfway through this years' season now and we're going to take them in two weeks. But we'll do what Pseudo advised us. It's going to be a surprise and we'll tell them once we're in the car. This way they don't have to feel stressed, BM does not get time to spoil it, she'll hear about it afterwards.

We're looking forward to it! And thanks again for the tip Pseudo :-)

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imamommy

what is really sad... when they get back & want to share what they did with their mother, she may make them feel bad about doing it. Instead of saying "how wonderful, I'm glad you had a good time" (even if she doesn't mean it) they may have to hear how angry she is that y'all went behind her back & did this...

I'm not saying you shouldn't, I am saying it's sad to know there are parents out there that are more involved with their own feelings than those of their children.

Hope they (and you) have a good time. They are old enough to know what's what... getting to that age where they know mom's BS is just that.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 1:07AM
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yabber

You're right Ima, we are aware that BM will not be happy when she hears afterwards. And we did talk about that a bit.
In the end we decided that it's not an option to let BM stop us from doing things. Anything we do makes her angry, so we couldn't go anywhere if we tried to avoid it. (And if we don't do something she's also angry because then we're accused of being tight*sses)

So, in this case, we gave BM opportunity to do it herself, since she told the kids that's what she wanted to do, and then she didn't go. Now, a year later, we go. We feel bad that there might be disapproval afterwards, but we can't put everything on hold forever..

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 2:54AM
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mattie_gt

we'll tell them once we're in the car. This way they don't have to feel stressed, BM does not get time to spoil it, she'll hear about it afterwards.

That's great advice. We've learned to start doing that with vacations, otherwise SS is made to feel guilty and ends up "sick" on the trip.

Actually my SS used to do that quite often just on general principle; her little girls were so disappointed if outings had to be postponed due to bad weather, etc., that she would frequently just tell them that morning rather than take a chance on having to change it.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 10:48AM
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ashley1979

Ima! Did you really use the word "ya'll" or did someone else write your post for you? Aren't you from a rather un-Southern state? :-)

My aunt that lives in AZ is catching on, as well. She and I share the opinion that it's not really slang; it's just convenient. Ha ha ha!

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 2:38PM
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ashley1979

Yabber - that's a GREAT idea. BM doesn't give you the opportunity to protest when she has something planned for the kids. At some point you have to adopt a "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission" perspective for some things.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 2:44PM
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