Tomorrow is the beginning

myfampgMay 20, 2011

Of a new chapter.

It's over. We ended up settling. And I was dressed very well while ExDh and Sm were both wearing jeans but I felt good about myself.

1. No change in schedule. I was told to get over my problems. No bath, no homework... I need to teach dd to be responsible for herself.

Not happy about this but for future reference... Nit picky things do not fly in court.

2. No 30 days in the summer. It's broken in to 1 1/2 weeks equalling 30 days. And I am very pleased with the schedule for this summer.

3. Granted legal fees. Yay!!

4. Increase in child support to reflect back pay on medical bills and increase in income.

5. Dd gets to have a cell phone which cannot be taken from her. She is allowed to call at reasonable times. Both parents.

6. Both parents can pick 1. Activity each for dd to participate in. Each parent must make arrangements for her to attend. Must be coordinated to not overlap. Both parents can attend activities and must be notified of dates and times.

7. Exclusive rights of custodial parent is outlined in detail. Example: custodial has education decision rights. Religious decision rights. Residence rights with no geographical restrictions. Medical decision rights.

8. Communication to be between bioparents only.

Pick up and drop off to be at school, during the summer it's at my home.

Although I did not "win" on my visitation argument, I am pleased with everything and I will sleep tonight.

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Your Daughter won :)

She gets both parents for the summer ... and is able to call .... only 10 days at a time not 30 ...

buy the "waterless shampoo" and tuck a few bucks in her bag with a pop tart :)

homework ... well its on her to get it done not such a bad lesson to learn ...

No more dealing with SM ... yay you!

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 12:52AM
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It sounds as if your DD WON. Very good outcome.

Although I don't know what your visitation argument was, I can tell you it sounds as if the Judge sees the problems with your ex and his wife... and made good rulings on important issues like her being able to communicate with you and participate in activities.


    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 12:54AM
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I'm very glad it went well, DD got some important wins in this. It all sounds very fair and reasonable.

Maybe you can relax a bit and discuss with Dd the little things. She can call you occassionally you a chance to remind her about quick showers, not forgetting homework ect. She has different rules and procedures to follow at Dad's, with some gentle reminders that she's growing up and has to be responsible for getting her school work done and respecting household rules like in and out showers. If nothing else talk to her about at least filling the bathroom sink with warm water and taking sponge bathes, using deodorant ( the can of dry shampoo if they'll let her bring it in) ect.

She got some major 'wins' here, now you can work with her to understand how to be responsible for the little things that are still fixable\doable with a bit of creativity.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 3:33AM
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I really think it sounds like you got all the important things. Congratulations!!! How did dad take it?

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 5:40AM
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it sounds great! congrats

you could teach her that if she doesn't get to take a shower, she could still wash her face in the sink. and she might be too young to know how to wash her underarms and privates without getting in a tub, but you might want to teach her soon. she can still get most important parts of her body washed up. agree with pseudo, get her waterless shampoo and show her how to use it.

and put money on her lunch account, so she doesn't have to worry.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 6:04AM
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I send DD with baby wipes. They have the flushable ones now. When we are too busy/in a rush and DD needs to freshen up she will do a 'swipe shower' where you 'swipe' all the 'important parts' with the baby wipe. Works good and is quick.

Beef jerky and dried fruit are also easy pack items that don't spoil easily.

I'm so happy for you and DD! Yay!!

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 12:35PM
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I actually didn't sleep last night? What's wrong with me!? Lol

I agreed to it. I was pleased but I'm uneasy.

I went to lunch with dd today. Of course she says dad never came home last night. Why did I not fight harder over that? Oh well nothing I cab do about it now. Its done but I feel so Down today. And I really don't know why. My husband says its the stress bleeding off.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 1:58PM
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Sounds like it went really well, all things considered.

The 30 days broken in 10 day stretches is the best victory, I think! 30 days is a LONG time, and I think this is better for both you AND DD.

I'm impressed you got the pickups/dropoffs to be at your house---that shows the judge was really being considerate to you IMO.

With my DH/BM, during the school yr, all exchances are, like yours, done at school. In the summer, whomever is BEGINNING their custodial period does the pickup at the other parent's house. IE-when BM is beginning her week, she picks him up at our house. She is not allowed to come inside. When DH is picking up for his week, he picks up at BM's house.

We live about 25 mins apart, same as you guys.

Ditto everyne else on the dry shampoo and flushable wipes! And, really, hopefully as DD matures and grows, she will be more assertive with dad and he'll relax on the shower issue. THAT is something, to be honest, I just DO NOT understand. Boy, SM would hate me---I stand in the shower till the hot water runs cold! Love me a relaxing shower!

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 2:02PM
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I didn't really notice today at lunch but her teacher just called and said she didn't have a shower last night.

I got so annoyed I said please just call dad. She wasn't with me last night.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 3:16PM
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" her teacher just called and said she didn't have a shower last night. "

really??? ... nothing better going on at school??

none of my kids or sks showered 7 days a week time ask ... but how did she do on her spelling test!

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 3:40PM
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That's just had lunch with her. Did she have PE after you lunched with her?

Not to dismiss teacher's concerns (or your own)...but seriously, give the teacher Dad's number and tell her/him that anything pertaining to DD on Friday will have to be addressed to've done all you can and she is not in your care during this period.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 4:02PM
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If I called parents every time their teenagers didn't shower I would be on the phone 24/7.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 4:22PM
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1. This court holding will not be your last in all liklihood.

2. Document document document. If possible, get teachers to provide comments. MANY SMs will talk about how rotten a mom is and document if child were not doing well on mom's watch.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 4:25PM
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I've worked in schools before. It's pretty obvious when kids are flat out neglected or semi-neglected.

If a child is *usually* really well kept and then suddenly isn't... it's a red flag. So a teacher may have noticed simply because she wasn't as clean as she usually is.

My dd does not shower every day. Some days she takes a sponge bath and somedays she doesn't. Sometimes she goes two days without washing her hair.

I was always surprised at the children who lived in very posh houses, drove in nice cars, etc... but were unwashed.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 4:38PM
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I'm glad you don't have to go through the stress of the full-blown trial, and I'm glad that it seems to be moving in the right direction - but I'm irked that a judge viewed not being allowed to bathe and not getting homework done as inconsequential.

The cell phone thing is fantastic news! Do your research on this. DH just got a new one for SS that does not allow anything to be deleted, except on-line, so if SS (or anyone else) makes a call or a text, it remains on that phone until DH deletes it. It has lock-down times where the phone can only be used to call designated numbers (911 and us, for his), locked-down contacts (contacts cannot be "inadvertently" deleted or edited) and many other parent friendly features.

As for you, myfampg, please try to rest and relax this weekend, and take care of yourself. You've been under a great deal of stress for a long time now, and it seems like when things seem to be resolving is when people finally end up getting sick, for whatever reason.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 6:58PM
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Like I said I didn't notice that she was 'dirty'. Her hair was not brushed obviously but... ?? I don't know what to do about that. If I run to the school every Friday to make sure she is ready for the day I'll drive myself nuts.

I just think DD is going to have to learn to do these things herself.

I lived with my bd when I was 11-13 and he was never home. I had to get myself up and ready for school. It was rough because I didn't know how to brush my hair but over time my friends taught me and a few moms took me in. At least it's not every day. It's just Fridays and every other Monday.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 6:59PM
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Agree with take care of yourself.

But this dont care about your child when he is with dad, and you KNOW dad is not doing a great job, is nonsense. IMHO.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 7:02PM
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no question dad is a jerk. it just seemed strange that her own mother didn't notice that she was not clean, yet a teacher saw it and felt important to make a phone call. DD couldn't possibly smell that bad. is a teacher gossipy type like Mrs.P's SD's teacher?

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 7:49PM
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Well, KK, she tried and court blew her off as nitpicking. Of course Myfam cares, there is a whole thread on bathing, lunch, blah blah. The point is, court said 'non-issue' Myfam can not direct how the child appears in school on these why keep calling her?

Maybe a teacher calling Dad's and yakking repeatedly about being dirty/smelly will finally wake SM and/or Dad up...Myfam does care and is well aware of the problem but court said 'no-no'. Maybe if teacher can document the repeated calls and pleas of concern a court will take it as an issue.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 7:52PM
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Blah I'm so done. You know.. Lol I am exhausted today.

I love my children more than anything in the world and I believe $35k in legal fees trying to protect her from crap proves it.

I'm not sure about this teacher. I was confronted by two other teachers that apparently received the wrath of Sm yesterday afternoon ... Long story and I'm not even real clear on what happened as the stories are quite confusing but what can I do? I'm trying. I've tried. I'm tired.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 8:36PM
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I got off the couch today to go to lunch with dd and I haven't gotten off the couch since I got home. Mom has my son, dd is with BD and DH is reading. I'm off duty today from 'mom' and I have to say... I am catching up on lots of sleep.

I am 'hoping' that dd will start standing up for herself. Both therapists spoke to the judge in the last week and although they were 'disturbed' with the things that were going on, they confirmed Sm not allowing dd to call me mom, confirmed that BD doesn't have a backbone to stand up to his wife, but they both called me too sensitive and that I should grow thicker skin. I think that is why I'm hurting so today. I'm not sensitive I'm a mom. She told me she understood my concerns and she isn't dismissing them but she hopes that dad will get a clue. They put so much faith in him.

So since that's what they want me to do, I will. I'll cope. I'm going to love on my dd and then love on her some more. When she is an adult or at whatever age she needs to say it, she will always be able to say 'mom loved me. Mom was there for me' and I hope for her sake that she will be able to say that about her dad too.

Also, dd just called to say good night. She took a shower because they went swimming earlier and when they got home they made her take a shower. I am not going to say that we all
Have showers every single
Day but we do try. It's rare that anyone in this house misses a shower but I missed one today.

As far as the teachers-- the one that called is a PE teacher.. I don't know her well. I've only met her a few times. I don't think she called to start drama I think she was calling to talk to me about dd and I told her call dad, it's his weekend/day.

The two teachers that I talked to at lunch, one was the music teacher and the other was like an office assistant that took a call from sm. She called to basically let them know that she needed to be contacted if there was an emergency because it was bd's day and she was the one that had the cell phone that day. They both blew her off and said they couldn't change the contact sheet. The nice person I am and the exhausted person that I am, I went down to the office and added sm as a contact and I said, call me, call bd and then call Sm. That will shut her up and make her happy. Everyone thinks I'm nuts for giving up but what more can I do. I do know what I'm doing starting next pay day..... No more legal fees and DH and I are going to start looking for houses. A new chapter.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 9:00PM
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"A new chapter."

What a relief!

    Bookmark   May 20, 2011 at 11:31PM
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I wouldn't say the court "blew her off" The court generally takes a view that both parents are equal. They both have equal rights to a child and that includes the right to raise the child how they see fit during their time. Some parents have different values, standards, lifestyles than the other, usually it's why they are not married or together anymore. If the court judged how people lived, lots of poor people would lose custody of their kids because they can't provide as well financially. Single parents might lose custody to a remarried ex. etc. That would not be fair. The court doesn't want parents trying to micromanage what the other parent does in their home unless it's detrimental to the child. That's why he said DD should have a cell phone to contact BOTH parents. The parents may have different opinions on what is appropriate hygiene. I think it's a great idea to refer the school to contact dad regarding issues that have to do with his time. It puts it squarely on him & if he fails to "parent" the child (ie. doesn't follow through with helping on homework, doesn't keep up personal hygiene, if child has attendance problems or behavioral problems, etc.) then the school should note who the child is with when those problems arise. That would be powerful documentation for the court as opposed to mom keeping a journal, though I think it would be a good idea too.

"but I'm irked that a judge viewed not being allowed to bathe and not getting homework done as inconsequential."

The judge in DH/BM's custody battle... at the end of an all day trial, stated that it wasn't such a big deal that BM shares a room with her daughter's because he grew up with immigrant parents that lived in the back room of the small store they operated. That's all good & well, but did his parents have sex in front of him? DH brought up BM having her out of town BF at the time would spend the night there with both daughters in the room. SD described some intimate actions & was acting out in an inappropriate sexual manner from the time I met her when she was 5. Without hard evidence that she did something and SD witnessed it, the court isn't going to accept "possibilities".

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 2:17AM
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I had a male exchange student once that would take long bubble bath (I'm talking fill to rim and soak for a good hour) and used all the typical deodorant and a bucket of cologne. Sparkling clean. Then he'd put on his stinky clothes which he did not want washed as he thought was they would 'wear out' quickly if washed too often.

I had to be careful with this situation as to not offend the guy. After tacticfully offering to do his laundry repeatedly, I finally took them from his neatly folded pile laid out by his bed and washed them while he slept. I did not know what else to do...I had them back neatly folded and waiting for him when he awoke.

I felt like a thief in the night, but people would literally back up from him when he'd come up to introduce himself and shake hands. It was weird because you'd see the people trying to figure it out. Here he stood looking 'clean' and very fresh and neat yet there was an odor that would smack out right at you. The smell on this young man on a day where it was nearing evening after being hot and humid and his sweat mixing with the unlaundered clothing was ripe to say the least.

Anyway, to my DD wearing freshly laundered clothing to school on Friday? Could it be she's putting on unwashed clothing she wore at Dad's the previous visit...might have seemed clean and neat when put one but by after PE and the sweat mixes with unlaundered clothing she rapidly develops an odor? DO they wear PE clothes or do they still do PE in their street clothes? Here until 6th grade Jr High the kids wear their street clothes for PE.

In Jr High they bring a pair of 'gym shorts' and a t-shirt. This is suppose to come home every Friday evening to be washed and returned on Monday. But of course there are some kids who forget and go weeks and weeks with the same dirty stinky PE clothing. When I was in Jr/High school we showered after PE. My kids (maybe just my district?) no longer are allowed to do that. They go to PE and no after shower, just change back into street clothes immediately. I know they use to shower here (don't know when they stopped) as the shower rooms are still in the building off the gym.

Being you saw her at lunch and though hair seemed a bit unbrushed nothing else seemed amiss, makes me was not until PE and PE teacher that you get this call. When kids get near puberty and their hormones are changing their sweat glands like underarms ect start working. If she's maturing a bit young and faster than some of the other girls this may be more noticeable on DD than the other children and therefore makes her condition standout a bit more.

IDK, it's just a possible thought to think about. Whatever though that's happening, I think the teaching and showing DD how to do songe baths or even the fresh wipes may be something you can easily do to try and assist in this situation without over ruling Dad and what happens at Dad's. It's not 'controling' their house and their ways, just more assisting DD to take the responsibilty of being sure she does what she can wihtout fighting with her Dad/SM.

She went swimming, got to call and took a shower this evening...sounds like she's really doing ok this weekend.

Enjoy your weekend. Make your 'wishlist' to start your house hunting, cuddle up with DH and relax with a movie or something you both enjoy. You've had a long week, pamper yourself a bit.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 6:03AM
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myfam, i have been following your situation and am 100% in support of what you do, but some of your decisions i just do not understand and I think it is just creating more problems for DD and you, you...

why did you add SM to the contact list if CO sates that everything to be between bioparents, if dad cannot have his own phone then it is his job to get one. As I understood from your new court order you are the one making educational and so on decision. SM should not calling school at all. You need to document this and show how she is overstepping, but see now you created a problem. You added her to the list because she called the school and threw a fit even if it contradicts everything what was decided in court, did the judge say she needs to be on the list and she has rights to call school? Why is school discussing DD with her???

Are you afraid of SM? why? I am frustrated reading it. Why did you even go to court if any time noncustodial SM demands somehting ridiculous you give it to her?

I think you need to start looking for a new place within 100miles as per court order. you can't violate court order so I would move 99.99 miles away.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 6:55AM
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I'm sure Myfam will clarify the 'why' after she rests up? I was not clear on the cellphone. Whether she meant she had Dad's cellphone (why would SM keep his phone?) or if she actually had SD's new cellphone aka kept it so SD could not phone Mom (or anyone else) and was demanding school must contact her not Myfam or DH. More of a manipulation attempt. I'm sure it bites SM's buns that she has been removed on this recent agreement where communication has to be between Myfam and Dad.

Our emergency contact list is like two to three names/numbers to be able to call during school hours. For my daughter I list myself, my mother and my sister. This part for us is for notification purposes in case DH or I can not be reached. DH and my son were on it, but both work a distance from school and both work in situations where phone may not always function. This list does not give permission for anything except notification. Example, child is sick and needs to be picked up, school is dismissing due to weather and child needs picked up, child soiled self and needs a change of clothes ect. It is only back-up purposes in the event I can not be reached.

Then there is the area on our forms about who DD's dr. is and his/her number, hopsital of choice (extreme accident/injury requiring immediate ambulance transport which would endanger child to wait or be transported by other means).

Then there is the section for after school pick-up. This one is for who is granted permission to pick child up when school dismisses on regular session time. For this one I list myself, DH, my son, and again my mother and sister. If child is allowed to walk home there is place where parent has to grant this permission and sign. Also an area directing bicycle riders.

Myfam listing SM as 'emergency' contact should in no way imply school has permission to discuss classroom issues or education with SM. It should not be implied that teacher or office can meet with SM for any discussions about the child... except the 'here is SD you may pick her up at front office'. It really means nothing more than kid can be picked up during nondismissal time by SM, called to collect if child is ill. Actually unless the school can reach Dad on Dad's day without his permission via a call to Dad, SM could not pick up the sick child during regular school hours if she is not listed. At least here, school would not release child to someone not on emergency contact list.

I'm guessing if DD now has a cellphone SM was afraid that if DD got ill DD would call Myfam to perhaps come and get her. Since SM was not on emergency contact list office could not call SM and would have to call Myfam thus the attempt to try and get the school to slip her in on the list. Well of course, school blew her off on that as they legally can not enter anyone on list on their own.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 7:47AM
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"Well of course, school blew her off on that as they legally can not enter anyone on list on their own."

then Myfam went to school and added SM to the list as she said to keep her happy.

normally it would be a normal thing to do to include as many people, but not under these circumstances, and not after myfam just got new CO order. also the reasoning behind SM's actions suck: she has dad's phone? how crazy is that? How is it anyone's problem? Keeping SM happy should not be a priority.

my WHY was a rhetoric question

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 8:24AM
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Please go down and take SM off list. Alternatively, tell DH you will allow SM on list, if reasoanble standards, such as bathing and homework are met.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 9:02AM
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I understood that, PO1. But I can see why Myfam gave on this...she also wisely stipulated in what order the contact must be made. SM is not getting called first or even second. Myfam will indeed be contacted before a single thought is given to then dialing up SM.

It's not so much making SM a priority, it's more a matter of shutting the witch up. In this instance it is harmless enough. Rather, 'fine, pick up sick kid because I can't and she is going to your house anyway as it's Dad's time'.

Myfam can adjust that list at anytime. She also plans on moving hopefully before the next school year. It's a few weeks or so at most. If Myfam moves to where she states she's planning on selecting a home (99.9 miles away) it of course would make no sense to include SM on the new school's emergency contact. Her parents, her husband a good friend...Sm could not even find a reasonable agrument to make when this happens. What good would a 100 mile away lady do for emergency.

I see it at this present current situation (a few weeks left) as doing nothing more than shutting up an unnecessary stress factor. How many Fridays are left? How many times can school find an emergency to use the last person on list in such a short time frame? Denying such a short time frame request would likely do nothing but have SM find something vindictive to punish DD and/or Myfam with. I see this as little more than choosing your battles.

Sm can do nothing more than satisfy a childish urge to feel a bit of 'win' over this. But the 'win' is meaningless. It gives SM not one ounce of control over anything whatsoever as far as communicating over anything except being called in simple situations as 'pick the kid up' after Myfam has not been able to be reached. She did stipulate Myfam must be called first.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 9:21AM
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Moving is not that easy, they might not move at all.

I do understand appeasing your child's father/mother to shut them up or to keep peace for the sake of the children. But this person isn't a parent, she isn't even custodial or shared custody stepparent. Myfam has no obligations to SM at all, neither legal nor moral. She has no business to call school and manipulate anyone into doing anything.

I would take her off the list and document that she made phone calls to school and asked to be on the list because dad has no phone. I bet you judge would require dad to have a phone with him.

I am on this with kkny, how are you doing by the way, how is DD and your mother?

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 12:38PM
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I'm confused about the moving issues. Parent mentioned that you can move within 100 miles of BD.

If you did move, would the visitation schedule change? Seems like doing Thurs. nights and EOW would be hard living an hour and a half (or more) apart.

Not at all saying you shouldn't move---I am just wondering if moving means you will end up back in court.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 12:41PM
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Moving 99.9 miles would definately restrict the Thursday night visits. We lived 2 1/2 hours from my ss when bm still had him and we still continued to get him all the time, it was just harder with gas prices. (That was much better then the prices are now!!) I'm actually suprised you got no geographical restrictsion, myfam. Our co for my ss says that neither parent can relocate child more then 100 miles from the court that issued the order. We are currently right around that mark now... probably about 111 or so. BUT... the judge knew where we lived when he made the order and didn't order us to move closer. Neither parent is allowed to remove the child from the state except to visit. SO.... if BM would try to keep him this summer.... it's not allowed. She lives in another state. Also, another guideline in our state is that you have to notify the court of said move 90 days prior in writing and notify noncustodial parent of said move as well. They also are then allowed to fight the move.... That's what we were doing before obtaining custody of my ss. Although... bm never informed court of her intent to relocate.

I have the ability to do anything at school for my ss, but that's because my dh is custodial parent and allows me to. The school also knows us quite well since we have two other children there. I have NEVER put my ds15's step mom on anything though. There's no need. I would allow her to pick him up from school though. If my son's dad has to work I have NO problem allowing that. She's actually the one who does it most often.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 1:04PM
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does everyone else see the connection, court day was on Thursday right? Sm and dad probably unhappy with it, so she calls school on Friday, the very next day, to stir the pot and attempt to be important again even when judge said all decisions are mom's and all communications between parents. She didn't bother calling before. She didn't call on Friday out of concern for DD, she called with different agenda. Isn't it obvious?

At this point I would take her off the list but if she says anything, I'd say I made a mistake not reading CO carefully, it does not say anything about putting SM on any lists, so I have to remove your name as to avoid breaking CO.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 4:39PM
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--"does everyone else see the connection, court day was on Thursday right? Sm and dad probably unhappy with it, so she calls school on Friday, the very next day, to stir the pot and attempt to be important again even when judge said all decisions are mom's and all communications between parents. She didn't bother calling before. She didn't call on Friday out of concern for DD, she called with different agenda. Isn't it obvious? "-- (PO1)

--"I'm sure it bites SM's buns that she has been removed on this recent agreement where communication has to be between Myfam and Dad. "--(me)

Yep, I caught that which is partly why I think Myfam was not so off in putting SM on (at least temporarily). I actually think there will be a whole lot of things that SM is angry about and going to crank up the revenge on. She can't be too happy over anything DD and Myfam got in the agreement especially the legal fees and the phone rights.

SM is tossing witch fest tirades at school which is really I suppose upsetting to Myfam that the crazed lady making a scene and causing the fuss is DD's SM. i think it was more about getting SM off the school's back then it was about 'making SM happy'.

There is nothing to say Myfam can't go over to school first thing Monday and adjust that contact list. She could admend it to list herself, DD's SD, Bio Dad, followed by a good friend or two and stipulate by order which is to be called first. She could then list last SM or she could ...opps, forgot to add her back on. As long as SM thinks she is now on list no real reason to inform her she's been taken off.

I understand why Myfam likely did it. Poor lady has been through the mill with stress and worry this week and to get to lunch and hear SM is harassing and demanding the office now. It was a snap decision. If SM is left, it's still as I stated above, control, no authority to confer and or make any decisions...just the lady last on the list who may be contacted LAST if child needs something while at school.

Odds of SM ever actually getting called are very low. Even if SM is called to pick DD up because she got sick at school except actually picking her up and taking DD home there's nothing else she can do. Myfam has sole medical decisions, SM can't even drive DD over to a dr (and sounds like even Dad would have to confer with Myfam if he wants to have DD treated).

If she goes in, I'd be sure to remind the school that if teacher calls DAD to talk about the unkept issue that teacher does not have permission to speak to SM about the issue. They can leave a message with SM to have Dad call so and so...end of story. SM is nobody, no rights at all ... currently all SM has been granted is last to be notified for unexpected events (sick and needs to be picked up or similar trivial incidents)

As far as the move. 99 miles is doable, just not maybe overly convenient for ol' Dad. Dad knew exactly what was in agreement when he signed it. Prior to signing it was the time to agrue 99 miles with Thursday night visitation schedule. Just means Dad has to get around earlier. Schools are usually out around 3pm ish, eh, he'll be home by 5pm ish. Will also have to get up earlier on Monday mornings, no big deal. SM was also present upon Dad's agreement, if picking up child 99 miles away was going to be an issue she certainly has shown no pre-concern. Maybe SM can hire somebody or have a friend pick up her own daughter while she has to go 99 miles to pick up SD. Seriously, the time to squeal is not immediately after signing agreement. Dad/SM can either trouble themselves to come get DD at school or they can cancel visit that evening. No one is denying them their right to scheduled visitation.

I think Myfam said they currently rent their home. If she's serious about moving she can always think about breaking her lease and renting a place that 99 miles away until she can find and close on a house. Since orginal CO was stay within 100 miles and this agreement was no new restrictions I don't see a leg to stand on for Dad to object.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 6:04PM
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breaking a lease is not an easy thing to do, and it could cost an arm and a leg.

don't think dad could object, but generally speaking moving might be an issue for number of reasons: rent, job etc I don't know what jobs they do, but most people can't get up and go 100 miles away. I don't think commuting 100 miles for work is reasonable. I commute 40 miles one way in a congested traffic, bumper to bumper, and anything more than that would just kill me. Will see what myfampg says how realistic is her possible move...

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 6:55PM
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Hello all. Lol.

Last day of school is Friday so... You are right. I did it to be the better person and to shut her up. I'll be filling out new forms in August for new school year ..

They cannot make educational decisions but can be listed as emergency contacts. BD has always been listed.

As far as the cell phone thing goes, they claim that they have one cell phone and SM carries it. They will not Allow me to have the cell # so their home # is listed. She called while we were on a break during court on Thursday. I assume because we were there until after 5pm and she called in the middle of the day ... That is why I found this so confusing.

I went to work today and had an email from a coworker that has an extension 1 digit off from me and she said that the school called on Thursday needing to talk to me. No one even tried calling my cell phone and apparently they tried calling my dad. Wtf??

My dad is listed as the last contact.
It's me, BD, DH and my dad. Now SM is last but only until next Friday.

I don't know what clothes dd wears over the weekend but they have asked that I pack clothes for Friday and Monday so yes she is wearing clean clothes that I provide.

The judge told SM that she was vial ... 'your attitude is vial an the dirty looks you are throwing at me are about to land you in contempt' but they still gave them all this time. I feel like the legal system has failed but nothing I can do now.

I got no restrictions because that is what our divorce decree stated and so they left it at that. Our temporary orders that we have had for for the last 4 years said within 100 miles. I won't move 100 miles out because that would be too far from my job. But we are moving about 55 miles out which puts me about 20 miles from my job. I believe that as in the past when we lived that far out, BD will opt not to get dd on Thursday's and bring her home on Sundays.

Remember my post about SM having friends at dd's school? Well that is one reason I want to move. I had no idea she Would know anyone at the school since we are in different districts. Well it's been difficult for me to find 'friends' because the people she knows are part of a big group of moms and they won't let me in their group. And dd doesnt get invited to anything if it's on my weekend because they don't want me There since more than likely SM and stepsister will be there. I'm just ready to get out of this area and back to my home town. Where I feel at 'home'. We are breaking our lease but we haven't found anything yet. We are going to rent again until we get enough saved to buy.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 7:02PM
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It will cost 80% of our monthly rent to break the lease and we have that in savings. This is a booming area and our town homes are highly saught after. They won't have a hard time leasing it again.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2011 at 10:06PM
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that's cheap! i had to pay until the end of the lease which was 6 months so i ended up not doing it

    Bookmark   May 22, 2011 at 7:08AM
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'your attitude is vial an the dirty looks you are throwing at me are about to land you in contempt' that's hilarious hahah

and evil woman called school during break in court???/ she is too stupid...

after your explanation, it makes sense now...i hope you move ASAP, and DD attends different school!

    Bookmark   May 22, 2011 at 7:26AM
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We found 5 HOUSES today cheaper than our town home rental. I'm excited to look at them this week. It will be perfect to move over the summer.

Dd has not called since Friday. I miss her.

I am getting her cell phone this week ... I'm not having a good feeling she will be able to use it though. Well see

    Bookmark   May 22, 2011 at 10:03PM
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JustMeToo, you make a good point about different cultural bathing standards. Over the years I've had several coworkers from different countries who did not bathe as frequently as most Americans do. The managers and HR hated having conversations regarding standard "American" hygiene; no one wants to tell a mature professional that, well, they stink. But they still did so, if the situation reached that point, because it would begin to affect the working environment. I don't care what BD and SM's preferences for hygiene are; if teachers are saying that DD smells dirty, it's a problem.

Myfampg, I hope that you are feeling better and more rested.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2011 at 8:46AM
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Congrats on house hunting. Seems like even with the slight penalty, you will be in a better house.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2011 at 10:13AM
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