Mothers Day

happy_tryingMay 6, 2010

Hi all,

Just wondering who else has the step children for mothers day?

and also how do you feel about it ??

I am dreading it, I just wish the bm would step up to the plate.

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yabber

Why are you dreading it? How old are your skids? Do they live with you fulltime?

Mine go back to BM at 9am

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 12:41AM
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happy_trying

My skids with bm fulltine. and its our weekend and bm doesnt want to see them for mothers day nor wants to tell us what time ss has soccer on sunday.

So i have tried to be nice and I have organise mothers day lunch with my mum and my mother in law for 12:30 and if ss has soccer then he will just have to miss out.

But i guess ss will be up all saturday night crying..

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 1:06AM
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imamommy

My SD lives with us and goes to her BM for Mother's day every year. Fortunately, it always falls on her regular weekend anyway... so we pick up SD at 6 on Sunday.

How do I feel about it? Mother's day is an opportunity for children to show appreciation for their mother. When my kids were young, I would do something fun with them... because THAT is what made ME happy. If a mom does not want to spend the time with her children... well, it's sad for the kids but nothing you can do about it.

If you want to avoid ss crying, plan something fun to do with him so he won't be thinking about what he's missing out on. It's HER loss, not his. Do what you can to make him feel wanted & loved.

I know this doesn't always work... we have planned fun things for SD when her mom won't take her, only to spend the whole time having SD tells us how much she misses her mom and/or if my mom were here, she would do this... or that... and the whole day is about BM's absence & SD ends up depressed, crying or upset. NOTHING you can do about that. Just say sorry it has to be that way... wish it could be different... etc.

Good luck...

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 2:03AM
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yabber

Why don't you ring the coach from the soccer team or the club themselves? Don't wait for BM, just find out so SS doesn't have to miss out. My FDH chases info up himself, no need for BM to tel him :-)

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 2:27AM
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finedreams

well let me take a different approach here. Kids live with her, she sees them 24/7, I don't believe they would be upset not seeing her one day. Could be that since she is a full time parent and is exhausted from care giving, she wants to do nothing on Mother's day, she wants to sleep all day, or spend day in a spa. I know it is weird to not want to see her kids, but if they live with her, why not have them that day and give her a break?

I don't understand the issue with SS. If he is crying over missing family time then who cares about soccer, he'll miss a game. I don't understand when school sports take over kids life. And it is easy to find when the game is on, give school or a coach a call or simply ask SS (unless OF course he si too young to understand time).

If kids are really upset over not seeing their mother for one day, then there is a bigger issue at hand.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 6:12AM
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mom2emall

My bioson and skids will be with us on Mother's Day. My son lives with me full-time. My skids live with us full-time as well and their mom has been off in her own world for years just popping in long enough to ease her own conscience or appease her own parents. Bm has seen them about 6 hours in the last year and a half!

BShe did try to call and make plans so she could take the kids on Mother's Day. But that is MY day...I am their mother in every way but biologically. So we told bm sorry but we already had plans for the day with them. I am sure she was not happy because she wanted to play make-believe for a day and try to fool herself into thinking she is a good mom. But she knows better than to argue it with us because we will tell her what a sorry excuse for a mom she has been for the last 6 or 7 years and she does not want to hear it. Everytime she comes around she wants to pull this "I made mistakes and I have to live with them so let this go" attitude. Since she just keeps repeating the same behaviors there is no accepting that excuse.

Every year on mothers day we go to a nice breakfast or brunch with family and then we usually take the kids to do something fun. It makes me happy to spend the day doing fun things with them all.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 9:29AM
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mattie_gt

We will have SS8 on Mother's Day; he lives with us. I feel perfectly happy about it; he's a great kid and I suspect that DH and he are plotting to make me breakfast or something. He doesn't attach any great importance to who is BM or step-mother or anything else in association with the day- he just likes to "surprise" DH and I on Mother's Day, Father's Day, and help do so on our birthdays. It's great; he thinks he is so clever and tricky and we had no idea at all!

My mother lives out of state and has just returned from her winter house so she's not up for houseguests anyway right now, so I'll speak with her on the phone.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 11:49AM
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happy_trying

bm has the skids enrolled in sport every day of the week.

Bm had mothers day last night instead of on sunday in dh's time

    Bookmark   May 6, 2010 at 7:12PM
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finedreams

so what is the big deal happytrying, I still don't get it. They live with her and kids will be with dad on his time, and she will relax on Mothers day. what is the problem here?

people who reply to you have their Sks living with them, yours live with mom, are you complaining you stuck with them for the weekend or what?

    Bookmark   May 7, 2010 at 7:42AM
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justmetoo

Are you upset you have to have SS on your regular weekend and would rather he not come and be included in your Mother's Day lunch with your mom? Or are you upset only because SS's mother is not giving you a time schedule?

If SS is going to cry all the evening before, is it because he does not want to maybe miss his sports and may end up doing so or because he does not want to miss the lunch plans?

You're not being very clear.

Are there other children too in your family unit?

Childrens sport games and/or practice on a traditional 'holiday' seems unusual, at least in my area no school or youth group schedules such events on what what people consider traditional holidays. Yeah, I get Mother's Day is no big deal for some, but for many others who might be involved in activity being scheduled it is.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2010 at 8:44AM
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mattie_gt

justmetoo: "Childrens sport games and/or practice on a traditional 'holiday' seems unusual, at least in my area no school or youth group schedules such events on what what people consider traditional holidays."

My younger brother's undergrad commencement was held on Mother's Day. It ended up working out for us as only my mom, other brother and I attended, but I thought that that was really bad planning and didn't take into account non-nuclear families at all. For that matter, it didn't take married couples into account; it was held in the afternoon into early evening so that would have made it very difficult to attend and still make it to a mother-in-law's too.

I already got wildflowers for an early Mother's Day present! I had admired them last weekend and SS picked some for me yesterday evening. I am so very lucky to have such a great SS.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2010 at 10:52AM
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