Weekend: successful

myfampgApril 18, 2011

I normally have so many complaints I thought I would take my own advice and focus on the positive...

Dd is home from a long weekend of being gone to BDs house. Thursday- Monday. I picked her up and immediately she says I had so much fun but I'm so glad to see you!! Normally she is cranky when I pick her up so the mood was quite shocking yet very much accepting. She gets home and is so excited to see DS and Dh. All hugs and wrestling -- lots of laughter. No retreating to her room for an hour to come down from her visit. She has talked non stop. Not so much about her weekend but about school and so and so did this at school and there are these new shoes so and so has. Blah blah blah. I haven't asked about her weekend because she always is so uncomfortable saying anything. Normally she says, I don't know or I forgot. Or she tells me all the mean things that happened or that she never saw her dad. None of that. I checked her bag and suprisingly everything is in tact. Even things that were sent home over the weekend are there instead of being removed by bd.

Dinner, shower and bed was extremely painless and full of appreciation. Lots of 'great dinner mom' ' I am so glad to see you' ' thank you for helping with my homework stepdad' hugs and kisses and no excuses at bedtime. Wow! I'm ready to send her back.

Haha just kidding. But wow I am hoping all weekends end this way but the negative side of me doesn't want to hold my breath.

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THATS AWESOME!!! I can only hope my SD handles it as well as your DD!!!

    Bookmark   April 19, 2011 at 12:13AM
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That's great!

    Bookmark   April 20, 2011 at 1:17PM
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Thanks Love!

MrsP -- you said in your other post that SD used to come home acting 'weird'. This is how dd used to be also. She is older so they react differently according to their ages but she did basically the same weird things. She would be so angry at me and I never knew why. I know now because BD would say I miss you so much and mom won't let us see you more and other things. Dd was mad at me because of things she was being told. Then when she was no longer being told things, it was how she was treated. She had to come home and just be alone and I learned to just respect that and let her come out when she was ready. This weekend could have been a fluke because they were busy and not home all weekend so there wasn't much time for drama and their games .. I'm so hoping that next weekend, they are just as busy and can't find the time for games then either...

Your SD will adjust. She is so young and resilient you would be amazed. And when she does come home angry at you or DH just give her space and she will come around. She may not be 'angry' at you just having to readjust which is normal. She may be sad that her time with BM is over and that things have to go back to normal. And after a good period of time, she might not need so much time to adjust.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2011 at 4:25PM
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thank you for the advice.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2011 at 4:54PM
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Well what goes up -- must come Down. I'm so frustrated although I feel that it was a great weekend for dd an still see that as a success. Baby steps... Baby steps.

I got confronted by a teacher that says dd apparently is not bathing at bd's house. Omg. So embarrassed. She said she can tell when dd doesn't wash her hair bc it's oily and it's only that way after being at bd's overnight. She was also concerned about sd smelling 'odd' and not sure if it was BO, or an odd smell to her clothes but that this needs to be taken seriously as dd is at an age where the kids will notice the kids that don't have good hygeine. UGH!
Got an email from another teacher that says DD is not completing her homework on Thursday nights. Not my night but obviously still my problem.

Well I guess it couldn't all be perfect right?

    Bookmark   April 21, 2011 at 11:44PM
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I hope you document and follow up with DD not doing homework and not washing on the days when she is at dads? Hope you don't let this slide because you don't to make waves, please make waves.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2011 at 4:34PM
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Po1 I intend to ... At first I just felt sick to my stomach over it -- like ugh! I have to email him and 'guide' him in how to raise our dd... Which will no doubt end with a return email about how I am interfering with his parenting and that I am to blame for this or that...

BUT in order to protect my child, I must say something ... Which is why I am asking that week night visits be discontinued ...

It's always something, I'm just exhausted with the back and forth and the drama!! Is it so hard to bathe your child. She doesn't have to be physically bathed... Just told to GO bathe and homework is fairly simple. She rarely needs much guidance. Sometimes I think he is either just dumb or he is trying to cause problems... Not sure

    Bookmark   April 22, 2011 at 9:56PM
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Myfampg, make sure in your email you state clearly that the teachers were the ones who brought it to your attention. I might go so far as to ask teacher who mentioned hygiene if she might put that in a letter or email. That way, it is not your opinion at all - it is DD's teachers' opinions, and court seems to take that a bit more seriously.

SS never bathes nor brushes his teeth at BM's either. I've got to think it's pure utter laziness on her part. As you said, all you've got to do is say "SS, time for your bath", he says "Awwwwww" and then takes his bath. When it's time for him to get out, you tell him, he says "Awwwwwww" and then gets out. I don't get it either.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2011 at 12:04PM
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Exactly Mattie. I do turn the shower on for her but that's just me worried about the kids turning the hot water on too much but really she knows how to do it and CAN. Same with brushing teeth. She does it, I check and that's that.

Laziness is probably the best answer for WHY??

    Bookmark   April 23, 2011 at 4:05PM
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I agree with mattie, ask a teacher for a written note in regards to hygiene and homework.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2011 at 5:18PM
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