worlds colliding

thurmanApril 18, 2013

As many of my friends on this board know, I have a lot of problems with my wife's daughter, who is now an adult. Things have gotten better, but I can't say I'll ever relax or trust her.

She emailed me tonight to ask for my sibling's email (it's business related).
I gave it to her but immediately felt pretty bad about it-- I don't like her being involved with my bio-family and I've been successful keeping her from having involvement with my family or life outside of relationship with her mother and sibling (which I cannot control).

I'm thinking of writing my brother to tell him to ignore her emails, but I don't want to come off as being too controlling.

But I dread her having this contact, particularly if it leads to her getting more involved. I see my bio-family as a sanctuary free from her.

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I find this attitude remarkably petty, but it comes as no surprise.
And you're right, it is too controlling. Functional adults accept that other adult have the right to make their own friends and acquaintances and also to make their own judgements about people. Who knows, your brother may find your wife's daughter a delightful person.
Are you afraid that he will, and then wonder why the he// you have such a problem with her?
Look on the (for you) bright side, he may also dislike her and then you'll have an ally to commiserate with.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2013 at 1:03AM
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--"Things have gotten better, but I can't say I'll ever relax or trust her. "--

A bit of progress? However big or small that is, it's a positive for you, Thurman. Congrats on this part.

If the contact is under business relations, I'd think it would be mostly , well, merely about business. It's not like your sibling will be inviting SD over for Mother's Day or a picnic on Memorial Day. I'm assuming SD will be being billed for sibling's services and the services will be short term.

Leave it alone. You handed out the email, now let sibling on his/her ownn decide whether or not they want to assist SD in whatever her business needs are. Sibling is under no obligation to give business services to SD solely because SD is your SD, and/or if sibling is too busy or does not wish to service family member relations.

If sibling is willing to offer professional services, I doubt it would go any more than perhaps polite small talk besides whatever the actual business it. Afterall, if you've managed to keep your sibling private from SD for over 20 yrs, I doubt it's much of a threat now.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2013 at 10:17AM
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I don't give out anyone's email but my own, especially the family and friends address. I think it is rude to do that. Call your sibling and tell him what you did, if he needs to be prepared he can be.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2013 at 6:18PM
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