My dad is going insane..........

incognitomomApril 1, 2011

So I think my dad is going crazy. Seriously he is acting insane. My grandfather passed a while back and he had quite a bit of money. He left a little to me and my siblings and the rest to my stepgrandma. He was married to my stepgrandma for close to 20 years. She was not some homewrecker or golddigger. In my opinion my grandfather could do with his money what he wished. My dad and his siblings are not entitled to my grandfathers money.

Anyways my dad has been complaining for years about how he should have gotton a chunk of my grandfathers money when he passed. He has said horrible things about my stepgrandma. I am close to him and my stepgrandma and try to stay out of it. Last summer my stepgrandma took me and my siblings and our families on vacation. This summer she is taking us on another vacation and including my dad and stepmom. My stepgrandma is overly generous to our family and I am grateful, but all my dad can do is complain that he should get more more more. It really makes me sick.

Well my stepgrandma made a comment in conversation to my stepmom not too long ago that when she dies she will be leaving whatever is left of her and my grandfathers estate to me and my siblings. My stepmom mentioned it to my dad.

So my dad called me today to tell me that if that happens he would expect me and my siblings to give him a chunk of our inheritance!!!

Seriously! I told him I did not want to talk about such things because I thought it was so wrong to discuss. He kept on. So I told him NO, I would not give him a chunk. My grandfather gave my dad a crazy amount of money while he was alive between buying him a house and cars and paying off debts my dad got himself into. I said that whatever money me and my siblings get is for us to enjoy.

Honestly my dad is awful with money. It burns a hole in his pocket and he blows through it. So why would I just hand it over for him to blow? No really if he needed help I would help him with a bill or something, but not just give him money to blow.

And more to the point he has always been cheap with me. When I moved in with him in high school I had a job. He made me pay my high school registration fees, yearbook fees, clothes, school lunches, etc. all out of my pocket. He gave me no money for prom. He gave me no money for college. Even now as an adult he came to my wedding and gave me no money. My stepmom was talking about my baby shower recently and how she would like to go in on it with my sister and friend and he said he is not putting in any money. When he has babysat my kids he always makes sure I provide dinner because god forbid he is stuck treating his grandkids to pizza or something!

So after he got crappy with me over the money issue I pointed these things out to him and asked why, after how cheap he always is with me, would I give him money?

What gets me is that he is in AA and treats his buddies to dinner and things all the time. He has no problem driving all over the place to run his AA buddies around and paying for the gas to do so. He has no problem giving one of my sisters money to pay her bills because she always blows her money. He gave my sister money to plan her wedding. He gave her money to help with her babyshower. Its just me that he doesn't do anything for and then he complains that I wouldn't just throw him money someday??

So he really hung up on me today and told my stepmom he is mad at me!!! The whole situation is just insane!! And I am so mad about it!

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I would not worry about it. He's not really going insane, just seems to be seriously pouting that he did not receive more and is not in control over what his father did nor what his stepmother plans to do.

Sounds like Grandpa figured up son had gotten through the years all son was going to get. Wise of Grandpa to have a will and clearly laid out the divisions. I'm not one to believe our parents 'owe' us as their children to leave us all their assests and life savings. Sure, they can't take the money with them but what they actually do with it is their decision. Sometimes this does cause remaining heirs to become resentful and angry....'I should get this/that', 'why did so and so even get included', 'whine whine, blah blah'...but bottom line is it is the deceased person's last will and testiment and the deceased gets to do however he pleases. Grandpa could have left every spare nickle not going to Grandma to charity and/or desired a match to be put to a big pile.

I think a lot of times parents 'help' their children all their children's adult lifes and come 'settlement' time the parent has decided that kiddo has received all their share already. It's a personal decision and Grandpa made it. To whine to you that Grandpa and now Grandma chooses to give others some is not 'crazy' in his line of thinking...but it is unrealistic of him to think he has a right to complain or that he should be entitled to the money.

I'd refuse to discuss it with him. Afterall Grandma is still very much alive and of course you hope Grandma has many more years to live and you intend to enjoy and treasure the years you have left with the woman... even if Grandma announced today YOU either will not receive a dime in the end. He can pout all he wants. In the end Grandma might decide to leave all that's left to a charity for animals....what's he going to do then? Call up the charity and demand they give him a chunk?

I have a hunch Grandma desires to leave some to you grandkids because your father has indeed been helped all his life, will blow it and she feels the money is better 'spent' now helping the next generation get off to a better start. I would not dwell on it, plan on it nor agrue about it. Grandma is a grown up, she gets to do as she pleases (unless their were strict guidelines in Grandpa's will that become effective on Grandma's death).

    Bookmark   April 2, 2011 at 5:46AM
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sorry your dad is acting like this. don't argue with him, just keep repeating whatever grandma wants to do with money is her business and it is her will an refuse to discuss it. don't even tell him if you plan on sharing money with him.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2011 at 9:38AM
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Dad's not crazy -- Just selfish, immature and entitled.

And clearly, YOU are not crazy. You've accurately assessed the situation (as did Grandpa and Grandma) and should not allow yourself to be guilted into throwing money into Dad's pocket-hole.

For people who cannot manage money, having more money to waste is not the answer.
Of course, they *never* see it that way...

I like Po1's advice to evade, hedge and tap-dance as long as possible.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2011 at 12:20PM
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Ah I'm sorry you are in that position!

My aunt and uncle are like vultures around my aging grandmother who lives with my mom. They can't wait to see what her will says... If they only knew that they arent getting a dime, she may be able to enjoy the last however many years she has left in peace. People are ridiculous when it comes to money. No one is entitled to their parents fortune, although a lot people feel they are...

    Bookmark   April 2, 2011 at 6:46PM
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I just hate how my dad is being. It is ridiculous that he is bringing this stuff up and that he is mad at me!

And that is funny about him going to a charity and asking for a chunk of money if my stepgrandma decided to give all her money to a charity! The really funny things is that every year my grandpa and stepgrandma always gave the grandkids a little bit of money. Well after my grandpa passed my stepgrandma kept up the tradition. Except this year one of my sisters was really being a loser. Had a child she is not really taking care of, quit her job, and is partying all the time. So my stepgrandma made a donation to a local charity in the amount she would have given my sister and then told my sister the money was going to people who could really use it....not lazy people like her! LOL

    Bookmark   April 3, 2011 at 12:58AM
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