very sad and looking for support
I do not even know where to start so I guess the beginning is a good place. I am a mother to 3 children. Two of them live with their father. We were married for years and the marriage was miserable. We really did not date long before we got married which was a mistake. I got pregnant soon after marriage. I tried to make things work. For a while I think we were happy. I wanted another child and he did too and so it happened. Our family was complete. Things went downhill from there and our marriage fell apart. We were just existing together.
Then I met a man at work and we were friends for a long time. Then it happened one day, I guess I fell in love. And so our affair began. After a year long affair I left my husband for this man. Then began the battle for custody. We ended up with joint custody and he was the primary residence parent. I could not afford our home on my own so I had left. He had family nearby who could babysit. So in the eyes of the courts he was the parent who could provide stability because he had our home where the kids grew up and he had the way to keep the kids out of daycare and in their school they had begun in.
It killed me. But what could I do. I began working a lot to keep my head above water and I saw them EOW. Then I got pregnant by the man I left my husband for. We got married. We had a hard time with only him working and daycare was so expensive. We were out of options and I had family out of state that was willing to help us out. So we left state. It hurt so much to leave my other two children behind. At first I called them all the time and sent letters in the mail to them. As time went on I was so busy with a toddler at home and working full-time that I just did not call them as much. With the time difference between where we lived it was just more difficult.
Their father remarried a woman I never met. I found this out when I talked to my children. I knew when he was dating her and when they moved in together too. For some reason this new womans presence just hurt me. It was like my children had a replacement for me. And they liked her. Soon they were calling her mom. That hurt. I worked like crazy to save enough money to just move back to their area. My husband and I fought long and hard about it.
I was finally recently able to move back to the area where my children are. It is more expensive than where we were living. Now me and my husband work all the time. Daycare is raising our child it seems. And my two children never want to see me. When I moved my ex had our visitation order changed so I no longer have joint custody. My husband is always mad at me that I chose to bring us back here and we are struggling and my kids don't even want to see me. He wants us to move back out of state. I do not want to leave my children again. But it has been 2 months since they have even come over to our home. They always have plans and can never come for a whole weekend. If I am lucky I get an overnight with them when I do see them.
When I have seen my kids they tell me things their stepmom has said about me. She has called me a bad mom. She has told my older daughter that she is just like me when she misbehaves. She makes my girls scratch her back for long times. She has cut my girls hair super short so they look like her since she has short hair. She let my daughters both get their ears pierced. She lets my older daughter pick out clothes that are too old for her. And my younger daughter always comes to me in clothes that are very worn and almost embarassing to bring her anywhere in. My ex will not talk to me about anything. He says that when I left my kids I lost any right to say anything. They always ask me for money and tell my girls that if I gave them money they could be in more activities and have more things. So my girls blame me when they can not have/do something. They tell my girls that I love my young son with my new husband more than them. They tell my girls that if I loved them I would have never left them in the first place. They have told my girls that I chose my new husband over them and their dad.
I just do not know what to do. I don't have the money to pay support, me and my husband are barely able to support ourselves and our son together. I don't have the money to go to court and try to change anything.
How do I get my girls to love me again?