New SD mama drama ~ L.M.A.O.

imamommyApril 14, 2011

I'm not posting this for advice, but maybe someone may find it entertaining or get as good a chuckle as I did... so this one is for amusement only.

BM went to court Monday because DCSS is making her seek work. The last time she was there, they recalled the bench warrant for her failure to appear at the previous hearing & they found her in NON COMPLIANCE, but gave her a new court date to bring the job search logs back complete. So, she goes on Monday & while at the court, she files a motion to modify child support and requests to be allowed to return her job search logs by mail... oh yeah, she wants the monthly amount of arrears she's supposed to pay reduced by half. She was ordered to pay $100 a month, she wants it to be $50. (BTW, the last time she was in court, the order said if she paid the $316, she did not need to appear with job search logs at all)

Here is her "declaration": (verbatim)

"I have been unemployed since February of 2010. Unfortunately, I have not been able to keep up with the court ordered support and I have been falling severely behind. I have also been looking for work on a weekly basis and cannot find any employment. It has been difficult. I would also ask this court to allow me to submit my "job search" documentation to the Department of Child Support Services by mail. I live approximately 3 hours away from her and it costs me $80.00 in fuel for each trip I make here and back. At present, I am ordered to come 2 times per month, which equates to approximately $160.00 per month for travel to deliver the documentation. I would simply ask the court to allow me to mail them in. I would also ask this court to set my arrears payment at $50.00 per month."

She also submitted a financial statement saying she has 0.00 income and pays $316.00 per month in support. (She didn't even claim any of her spousal support, so maybe she thinks if she leaves it completely off the form she signed under "penalty of perjury", they won't ask for proof. lol)

Well, I guess what makes me laugh, besides the fact that she hasn't paid a penny in over a year and thinks she won't look like a deadbeat, is that she claims she can't come twice a month to drop off job search logs, yet she supposedly is coming three times a month to pick up her DD for visits. (of course that would mean relieving grandma & forcing BM to come get SD herself~she don't wanna do that!) But, she claims it costs $80.00 in fuel... she drives her mom's Toyota Corolla. DH drives the same car to pick up SD & it costs him about $35.00 in fuel round trip. But if she's claiming that she has to spend $160.00 a month in travel expenses and is willing to pay $50.00 in arrears, why not just pay the $210.00 toward the support & maybe they'd work with her.

The last time DH was in court with her, the Judge admonished her for coming to court with an attorney when DH is asking her to pay $150 in medical bills... and of course everyone knows an attorney costs much more than that.

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Lol people are so dumb ...

I got one for you. We are ordered to mediate before we go to trial which exDh started a modification order years ago that's just been going on and on and on all this time. Anyway - we were ordered to see someone who charges like $3000. Ex sent a letter stating that it was too much and wanted us to go to a legal aide center at $200. If we can't go to legal aide, we'll have to just go to trial because he doesn't have $3000. But trial will cost no less than $10-15k for each attorney ... How logical is that??

    Bookmark   April 14, 2011 at 10:56PM
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In CA, mediation is mandatory for any custody/visitation issue. A few years ago, when DH filed for support, BM filed a motion for custody. They went to mediation & they gave such different accounts that the mediator wanted to see & talk to SD. Since BM lives 3 hours away & DH works an hour away, I offered to bring her to an appointment. BM's fangs came out & she snarled at me that SHE would bring HER daughter! (even the mediator was taken aback & told her to calm down) A few weeks later, BM picked up SD from school & took her to the mediation. SD told the mediator so many lies & horrible things about DH & me, that the mediator said it was "unbelievable" and refused to issue a recommendation. Instead, she referred them to a professional evaluator, which in our area runs about $6,000.00. BM got the call to schedule the appointment, they told her what it would cost & she called DH saying there's no way she can afford that so the case was dropped. There is a standing order that the evaluation must be done before any changes in custody or visitation can be done. (hence, DH cannot take her back to court to lower her time either unless HE pays it) It's a good bet that BM will never get custody of SD unless DH gives it to her... and he doesn't think it's in her best interest of course.

And yeah, the trial they had in 2007 cost us $12,000.00 and ended in a 50/50 custody split. BM gave DH custody three weeks later when she met & moved away with BF. (The hardest thing for me to wrap my head around is that two weeks before the trial, BM had a different boyfriend that SD was telling us... mommy is getting married & I'm gonna be the flowergirl in the wedding, yet month later meets a new guy & dumps her kids to be with him.) Our total legal fees are exceeding $15,000.00 and currently DH is going to represent himself. If we thought she had a case, we might call in the attorney again. Of course, it's silly to pay $300 an hour to get $216 a month in support.

It gets so ridiculous, getting angry is pointless so you have to laugh.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 2:47AM
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LOL! I think I told you all when DH and BM went in for the last CS mod; it's pretty straightforward in our state, DH's earnings + BM's earnings run through formula equals amount, which can vary up or down based on extreme extenuating circumstances like huge ongoing medical bills. The mediator said the amount, BM announced that she couldn't pay that, DH counteroffered a bit lower, BM returned with her counteroffer of .... nothing. She insisted that she shouldn't have to pay, she couldn't afford to pay a single penny, I should pay... it went in front of the next level judge that same day and she is now (supposed to be) paying, less that $200/month.

Shouldn't BM be looking for work on a daily basis rather than a weekly one?

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 8:23AM
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I heard when you are out of job, you are supposed to conduct works search for the same amount of time as you would be working, so you have to spend 8 hours (or whatever type of job you are looking for) a day searching on the Internet, updating resume, mailing applications, attending job fairs, making phone calls etc etc daily, all day long

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 4:32PM
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Oh PO1... you don't expect her to leave her farm on Farmville unattended for 8 hours... do you?

I am working on DH's "response" to her motion for child support modification.... and get this: SHE LISTED SD'S AGE AS 10! Yeah, she's missed so many birthday's she doesn't know how old she is???

And remember that I took SD's 'favorite' shoes because she doesn't take care of her things that "we" buy? Well, BM asked SD where her shoes were & when she found out I took them, she called & left a threatening message on DH's voice mail, telling him he'd better bring them to court on Wednesday. They go to court on her contempt charges for her not paying her half of the medical bills... I doubt the Judge is going to want to hear her whine about a pair of shoes! JEEZ!!! That woman is unbelievable!

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 7:15PM
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I just love how deadbeat parents won't pay any support but then come up with money for other things!

My friend has 2 kids with her ex. He got so far behind in child support that she finally took him to court. He showed up with a lawyer (even though he could not afford child support). He ended up being tossed in jail and wouldn't you know his parents came up with his back child support to bail him out!

The whole time his parents were giving him money for a lawyer....might have been more productive to give him child support money??

Just wondering where sd's bm is coming up with all this gas money if she has no income??

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 10:29PM
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Exactly... On the gas money... And why wouldn't the grandparents (his parents) want to help pay to support the child rather than put the attorneys kids through college...

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 12:14AM
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It is funny how non custodial parents can rationalize not paying child support. I have heard it all from people saying their ex will not spend the money on the kids to "I can't get a job!"

At one point my ex thought I should be putting all child support checks I get from him into a bank account for our son's college and not spending any of it! I was a single parent and I pointed out that his $80 a week did not even cover daycare! How was I supposed to come up with the money to pay for daycare, food, clothing, etc by myself without using his child support to help! When he would take our son on weekends he did not have to pay childcare or buy clothes (he always asked me to send clothes with!).

Now that our son is older and I do not have daycare expenses and I am remarried I am able to bank some of the child support money for ds. But when he wants expensive things like a week at summer camp, etc. I do take part of it from his bank.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 11:05AM
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I love how they like to tell us how to spend 'their' money.. 100% of my money goes to raising my kids. Home, transportation, food, childcare, clothing, school expenses, lunch at school, picture day, extra curricular activities, you name it. Rarely do I spend 'my' money on myself but I don't complain. Any entertainment for myself includes my children. I rarely get to go on a shopping spree of my own. I'm wearing10 yr old glasses bc I just can't justify the expense but not complaining... His 20% that he 'contributes' is 'too much' for him ... It just erks me.

When I was a kid, and my dad was paying child support for the few years that he actually paid it... He always made comments that he was paying for my mom's car or my mom's hair cuts or my mom's new clothes... But never did I hear him say, oh wow mom bought you new shoes AND wow mom is paying for your cheerleading or good for mom for paying for you to have glasses/braces/hair cut... It was always a complaint about what mom seemed to have. It still makes me mad.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 2:42PM
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