Advice please! Medical neglect and visitation
Hi everyone, I'm hoping some of the more experienced SM's here might be able to give my DH and me some advice. A quick background: I'm a fairly new SM to SS17 and SS8. My DH has had primary custody for about six years, long before I met him. Shortly after I moved in, BM failed to return SS17 from a visitation. After a great deal of thought, DH decided to let SS17 stay with BM, where he's been for the past 18 months or so. (SS17 said he wanted to graduate high school with his childhood friends; DH had moved away from that area for work.)
Fast forward though 18 months of lies, deceit, irresponsibility, manipulation, etc. to now....
We took SS8 to pediatrician who did an EKG, recommended echocardiogram, now he has to go see pediatric cardiologist. We are horribly worried, and on edge, as you can imagine. Meanwhile, SS17's report card arrived this weekend. We see that along with appalling grades, he has missed 8 days of school in the past nine weeks, for a total of 18 days this year (so far). When DH asked BM what was going on, she said that he had been complaining of stomach pains. When he asked if SS17 had seen a doctor, she hemmed and hawed and eventually said no. Turns out that she had not bothered to renew his state-subsidized health insurance and he's been without insurance (and not seen a doctor nor dentist) for the past year and a half! DH then called the school nurse who said that SS17 had been in complaining of pains, and she not only told him he needed to go to the doctor but sent home information about free clinics - not only was he still not taken, DH knew NONE of this until today.
DH is livid, and is trying to force BM to get some coverage for SS17 and get him to the doctor. Meanwhile, he says, he is not going to allow SS8 up there with his health issues right now, because he cannot trust BM - not just is she neglectful, but has repeatedly lied to him about serious issues. The court order says visitation "as agreed upon". DH says that he will offer her visitation, supervised by him, until we get back into court because he just cannot chance it with her track record.
Any advice would be appreciated. I'm so tired and scared right now. I feel like DH and I are running around trying to plug leaks in dikes; every time we feel that we are getting things under any form of control at all BM pops up like in some horrible game of whack a mole or something.
Thanks in advance.