i've tried --long rant-sorry :(
I have tried. I have tried to be the kind of SM I would appreciate one of my kids having. I try to earn the support and respect of BM by simply NOT stepping on her toes. I don't think it's my place to take him for hair cuts, or to pick him up from school. I never talk bad about her infront of or around SS even though I think she's an awful person and I wish her face falls off.
She has taught SS to be rude, disrespectful, just downright awful to me. And he is happy to make his mommy proud.
I have tried to foster a relationship w/ SS. Making it REALLY clear I'm not trying to be his mom, he has one, and she's the best one he could have. He will tolerate me if I buy him things, NEVER a moment of gratitude or so much as a mumbled thanks. Every Birthday, Christmas or just becasue gift has been at my initiation, my searching for what would make him happy, to be flat ignored. DH hasn't picked or purchased gift one in 5 years. Last summer his mom said we needed to buy him a bike, trying to make everyone happy I went right out and bought him a bike for his birthday. He's rode it a handful of times and recently complained that bike sucks and he needs a new one (because he peeled off the pads). I have NEVER bought either of my kids a bike brand new out of the store, they've gotten hand me downs, or garage sale bikes. He's SO ungrateful!
I have tried playing board games with him. Complete disaster, he sucks the fun out of everything insisting someone else cheated if he isn't in the lead.
I have tried worming my way in through his tummy :) Once he said he liked spaghetti and meatballs! GREAT! Next time I made it- he hated it. Every meal I prepare he picks apart with his fork and looks for something new to declare he dislikes. (tricked him this weekend by using chopped olives instead of sliced, he couldn't see them to say he didn't like them and he asked for seconds!)
I've accepted that yes, this kid is difficult. I've accepted that a good portion of my frustration is with my DH's lack of attention to SS...especially in the discipline arena. I think DH has made HUGE improvements since he realized his son has the potential to end our marriage, but he's still not where he should be, but okay he's making progress.
So, I have tried.
And still, the Tuesday before he comes on Friday my mood goes south. The day after he leaves I'm still not okay. I dread him being here. I happily calculate only 9 more years of support payments (for a kid who wears rags and hasn't had a haircut in over a year). I HOPE when he's a teen he'll be busy with friends and not want to come here.
Yesterday when we dropped him at his moms as he was crossing the yard, I actually said aloud "see ya, 2 weeks isn't long enough!" I know that's awful. I know it makes my husband feel terrible. I'm tired of trying to be liked or respected by this kid. I'm tired of trying to like him.
This weekend, SS spoke to me 3 times. Fri he said hi when he walked in, Sat he asked for more dinner (ha ha olives and all) Sunday he asked me where the garbage was and I pretended not to hear him because he knew full well where the trash was he just wanted to show me that he was throwing away a HUGE piece of cake I said was too much. It filled a paper plate! I should be thrilled he had such little contact, but I'm still annoyed.
Sorry so long...but I do feel better just getting it off my chest.