Im so lost when it comes to my step children
I have three step children, two of them which i feel really dislike me. if given the chance they would stab me n the back. Let me start out with saying that i myself have three children. a 12, 9 n 3 year old. My boys are far from perfect and are all boy at that. They were all three raised by only me their mother so they are more heart felt then rough. My husbands kids on the other hand are all very rough n tough n all that stuff.to begin i must say that i do try with his kids but as soon as i do they take complete advantage of it n then throw it n my face. his son will call me anything but a white woman n he has hit me. he beats and picks on my children and i am by far allowed to do anything about it because apparently im irrational. keep n mind ive never laid a hand on these three. took away a game once and was side kicked in the ribs for it by his eleven year old.....what did daddy do, took him out and bought him a game. he will spit loogies n my three year olds face. call him names that would make a sailor blush and wakes my 9 n 3 year old up n the middle of the night to teach them what porn is on the internet. he has grabbd my 3 year old by the neck and went to squeeze, punched and bruised my 9 year old. locks my 3 year old n his room with all lights off n as he screams the 11 year old laughs as he is holdn the door shut. whats even more disturbing is he does this to his own sisters on a daily basis n his bm and dad allow this behavoir. i am a strict parent and believe in respect and responsibility. none of these three even begin to know what that is. i have packed my stuff on several occasions because my children come first and have nothing to deserve this. they are ridiculed for defending themselves and get n trouble for doing something about it when theyare being picked on. my boys are not allowed to hit girls but my step girls know this and will taunt and beat my boys down n than are called pussies for crying cause they are being hit by a girl. my three year old is starting to pick up on these behavoirs and like i said earlier i am strict and i do follow through with my punishments. i hear mom i hate you, y do i have to b punished when they just did the same thing or mom if i did that you would of tore into me. mom y cant i talk like that, they do or my step son had just told them to say it....when my boys dont even know what half this stuff is they are saying-i try to keep them somewhat shelted from the impurities in this world. i get so frustrated with what happens to my kids i get angry aat my kids for not standing up n i find myself yelling. i hate myself for all of this. then on top of all this i have the bm telling my step kids that i do meth-cause my face is so broke out from all this stress from what my children and i are gettn put through. she tells my step children that i gave my kids away and abonded them when my 9 year old left to go with his father cause he was tired of being beat on my my step son and finally got to b with his dad. tells my step children that i am a whore n she knows my boyfriends girlfriend and im not even seeing another man. i have one MAN in my life and that is my husband. she will sing songs that talk about whores and sluts in front of my step kids and exchange the words whore or slut with my name. She tells them that their dad n i take their pills to sell them cause we are drug dealers. my worst habit is smoking n putting up with to much crap. im running out of options and i am startn to fear the worst......im going to have to grow some lady balls n leave cause there is no change in anything n its been well over a year. my furniture that ive worked so hard for on my own is being trashed and peed on every chance they get. i have ocd n they will leterally destroy our hoome in 30 minutes. they eat anyting and everything they want and leave a mess of food trailing behind them. their bm tells them they do not have to listen to me and its all so twisted. i feel i know what i need to do but my husband tells me that marriage is not about giving up, its about workn through these times together and i agree but i can not b the only one workn. my kids and i r being put through way to much and i am losing ground here and feel like a stranger n an outcast in my own home. i fear leavn my three year old at home with my husband or ne1 for that matter when the step kids are there. im scared ill cme home to my 3 year old being dead n the closet wrapped up n a blanket with a sock shuvd n his mouth. WHAT DO I DO??!!!!