Im so lost when it comes to my step children

luckie13April 14, 2012

I have three step children, two of them which i feel really dislike me. if given the chance they would stab me n the back. Let me start out with saying that i myself have three children. a 12, 9 n 3 year old. My boys are far from perfect and are all boy at that. They were all three raised by only me their mother so they are more heart felt then rough. My husbands kids on the other hand are all very rough n tough n all that begin i must say that i do try with his kids but as soon as i do they take complete advantage of it n then throw it n my face. his son will call me anything but a white woman n he has hit me. he beats and picks on my children and i am by far allowed to do anything about it because apparently im irrational. keep n mind ive never laid a hand on these three. took away a game once and was side kicked in the ribs for it by his eleven year old.....what did daddy do, took him out and bought him a game. he will spit loogies n my three year olds face. call him names that would make a sailor blush and wakes my 9 n 3 year old up n the middle of the night to teach them what porn is on the internet. he has grabbd my 3 year old by the neck and went to squeeze, punched and bruised my 9 year old. locks my 3 year old n his room with all lights off n as he screams the 11 year old laughs as he is holdn the door shut. whats even more disturbing is he does this to his own sisters on a daily basis n his bm and dad allow this behavoir. i am a strict parent and believe in respect and responsibility. none of these three even begin to know what that is. i have packed my stuff on several occasions because my children come first and have nothing to deserve this. they are ridiculed for defending themselves and get n trouble for doing something about it when theyare being picked on. my boys are not allowed to hit girls but my step girls know this and will taunt and beat my boys down n than are called pussies for crying cause they are being hit by a girl. my three year old is starting to pick up on these behavoirs and like i said earlier i am strict and i do follow through with my punishments. i hear mom i hate you, y do i have to b punished when they just did the same thing or mom if i did that you would of tore into me. mom y cant i talk like that, they do or my step son had just told them to say it....when my boys dont even know what half this stuff is they are saying-i try to keep them somewhat shelted from the impurities in this world. i get so frustrated with what happens to my kids i get angry aat my kids for not standing up n i find myself yelling. i hate myself for all of this. then on top of all this i have the bm telling my step kids that i do meth-cause my face is so broke out from all this stress from what my children and i are gettn put through. she tells my step children that i gave my kids away and abonded them when my 9 year old left to go with his father cause he was tired of being beat on my my step son and finally got to b with his dad. tells my step children that i am a whore n she knows my boyfriends girlfriend and im not even seeing another man. i have one MAN in my life and that is my husband. she will sing songs that talk about whores and sluts in front of my step kids and exchange the words whore or slut with my name. She tells them that their dad n i take their pills to sell them cause we are drug dealers. my worst habit is smoking n putting up with to much crap. im running out of options and i am startn to fear the going to have to grow some lady balls n leave cause there is no change in anything n its been well over a year. my furniture that ive worked so hard for on my own is being trashed and peed on every chance they get. i have ocd n they will leterally destroy our hoome in 30 minutes. they eat anyting and everything they want and leave a mess of food trailing behind them. their bm tells them they do not have to listen to me and its all so twisted. i feel i know what i need to do but my husband tells me that marriage is not about giving up, its about workn through these times together and i agree but i can not b the only one workn. my kids and i r being put through way to much and i am losing ground here and feel like a stranger n an outcast in my own home. i fear leavn my three year old at home with my husband or ne1 for that matter when the step kids are there. im scared ill cme home to my 3 year old being dead n the closet wrapped up n a blanket with a sock shuvd n his mouth. WHAT DO I DO??!!!!

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I stopped reading at PORN.... take your kids & leave. If you cannot protect them any other way, the only thing is to leave. Those are his kids and if he isn't going to give them boundaries or rules (where they can get up in the middle of the night & go on the internet), it makes no difference to me where the kids primarily live... they spend time at dad's and you live with dad so unless you can pack up and leave when they are there (and I don't think that's a very good solution), then the only way to protect your kids is to leave... they may end up exposed to some of that stuff in public school but you should not have to tolearate it in your own home.

Quite frankly, I went back just now to finish reading the post and if you don't remove your kids from that abusive home, social services just might. Staying there, knowing the things they are doing to your children, makes you just as guilty as if you are the one doing it. PROTECT YOUR KIDS! That's your job!

    Bookmark   April 14, 2012 at 6:51PM
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I did not bother reading much of all this, so if the last half was any different than the first I'll just assume it was even more dramatic.

I stopped reading after I hit the part of 'Ive packed my things on several occassions'....and so? What stopped you from takikng our children and never looking back? I'm going to assume that none of this is new. That these little 'rough' kids and daddy's attitude toward it all is EXACTLY the same as it was pre-marriage. Was a ring on your finger suddenly going to change everything and everybody would suddenly 'change', or that you'd be able to 'change' them all? Children are what they are raised to be...Daddy is happy, only you and your children with any issue. So pack the bags and remove yourself from the mistake you've made. Fix what you can, the lifes of you and your children.

Good luck to you.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2012 at 6:56PM
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Are you staying because there is an issue with finances if you go it alone?If so,find out where you can get help removing yourself and your children from this abusive situation.Your husband allowing his children to behave this way indicates he is an abuser himself.

That is the only reason I can think of why someone would stay in a situation like this(or being threatened harm to themselves or their children by a spouse).

WHAT DO I DO??!!!!Protect your children, find help removing yourself and them from the situation.File an order of protection if necessary.

After you remove yourself and your children? Report your DH and BM to children services.Something is very wrong with their kids and it sounds like they are the cause of it.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2012 at 9:17PM
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Why the hell are you still there? So what if your husband says "marriage is not about giving up, its about workn through these times together", it's what he DOES that matters. And clearly he is doing nothing. No man is worth your children being assaulted and corrupted. By staying, you are allowing this appalling situation to continue and could be considered to be condoning it by your inaction.
Protect your children, pack up your stuff and get the hell out of Dodge.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2012 at 3:15AM
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I think your husband is nuts and obviously you cannot count on him to keep your kids safe. You are their protector, get your stuff packed and leave. Why would you even want to stay and work this out? Work what out? Being abused? Of course your husband says what he says-he doesnt want to deal the issues either.

Time to move along ((Hugs)) But staying in that kind of situation is just really bad. Leave, just leave. Don't stay, your situation is horrid and there is no excuse or trite words your husband can give to make it better. Those kids & your husband sound like monsters, life is too short to put up with that.

Good luck too you! And keep us posted.


    Bookmark   April 15, 2012 at 2:42PM
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Pack you bags and go for the safety and well being of your own 3 kids do it sooner rather then later. Your children are being abused and YOU are allowing it shame on you!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2012 at 12:01AM
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I second the keeping us posted.Luckie13,the abuse will get worse.It will not get better.The abuse will not only escalate,it will take on different forms.The signs are there...

The 11 yr old stepchild sounds like a serial killer in the making.

If you do not remove your children from this atmosphere they will not only be caused severe psychological damage(or death possibly,CS removing them)your children will end up hating you or highly resenting you for not protecting them.And that resentment will last a lifetime,believe me.

Your children are being abused and YOU are allowing it -I agree with gardenandcats.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2012 at 6:45AM
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Wow...the fact that she has put up with all this means most likely she will never leave and eventually someone will wind up really hurt or dead. What a train wreck. There's about 10 things in her post that if they had ever happened to most people even once, would have been a deal breaker.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2012 at 9:41AM
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