Beyond sad...

wrychoice1April 21, 2009

About a month ago, SD told DH her mother (his XW) had been laid off from her job and offered early retirement. Consequently, BM has decided to move 2000 miles away to live near SS#1 (and SDIL & SGS). Since SD & SGD live with BM, and SD does not believe she can support herself & SGD on her own, she is choosing to move along with BM....and, obviously, taking SGD with her.

SD & BM spent the Easter holiday with SS#1. They were there for about 10 days. DH had hoped SD might change her mind while she was there. Her older brother can be quite bossy. They have never been especially close. However, while there, SD & BM signed a lease on an apartment, set up bank accounts, bought furniture, etc., so the move is a done deal, really.

I am heartsick. SGD is 7 y/o. She has been an integral part of our lives from the day she was born. I can't believe we will go from being able to attend her school and extra-curricular events to being lucky if we see her twice a year...

There are other factors contributing to my deep sadness, not the least of which is the emotional environment to which SD & BM are moving SGD. Where they are moving is in the town in which SDIL grew up and it is where all of SDIL's family still lives. SDIL is a nice enough person, but she is an emotional mess. Her brother has been in and out of rehab more times than you can count; it seems as if the only way her parents can tolerate each other is to be three sheets to the wind (with the aid of either alcohol and/or pain medication --- SDIL'd brother comes by his addictions honestly). But, SDIL's family has money, lots of money...and SD let it slip a couple days ago that BM did not get laid off, she simply resigned. Her resignation has severely adversely impacted her retirement and BM will not be able to afford to support herself...she will need the financial support of SS#1 & SD...the only problem is SS#1 is in his mid-30s and owns nothing but his used car...his FIL provides everything else while SS#1 putatively works in his FIL's business (DH believes SS#1's real job is to babysit SDIL)...and the FIL made sure SS#1 signed a pre-nup 2 weeks before the wedding. Also, SD has never held a "real" job longer than a year...she has always relied on BM & BM's parents to bail her out is a mess, a real mess...and my fear is that SGD who, up until now, has been an extraordinarily happy kid, is going to be at the mercy of this very messy, emotionally enmeshed environment....

I am heart-broken.

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Hi Wry, Nice to see you post again, but not under these circumstances.Nothing to give but empathy to your situation, and the hopes that the SD and SGD dont like the new situation and come back to your town soon...The Best to you Dotz

    Bookmark   April 21, 2009 at 6:24PM
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What a sad situation! Maybe it will not work out there and they will move back!

No matter what make sure to keep in touch with your grandchild with phone calls often. Maybe set up e-mail and webcams! Also make plans for your grandchild to come back and stay with you.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2009 at 11:39PM
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