Her Kids Are Very Angry - Blended Family Issues
Thanks for this informative site. I recently started seeing a lady with 2 younger kids who are 13 (girl) and 11 (boy). My kids - girl (11) and boy (9) live with me. We both have been divorced since 2000.
We hit it off really hard, and within the past 6 months have spent some nights at each other's house.
Earlier in the relationship, I got to know about how bitter her Ex is over the divorce (which was due to his cheating), and his desire for them to get back together. Eventhough my lady friend is not interested, the Ex kept on giving impression to the kids that he wants to put the family together, but their Mom is willing.
Consequently, her kids, especially the older girl resents the fact that her Mom is dating. In fact, this particular girl sometimes would not even talk to me when I visit (unless she needs some assistance - like a ride to some place. I try to be nice to her - knowing that this comes as part of the package).
My kids initially resisted (mainly because my girlfriend daughter has not been very nice to my daughter - in fact, she refuses to talk to my daughter.
Is this type of resentment typical, and how does one deal with it?. Her Mom has talked to them that it is over between their father and her, but they find it difficult to accept it, because their father is around, pushing for reconciliation. When the Mom refused, the guy turned adamant. Her kids visited their Dad for spring. Their Dad used to occassion to spread some very distasteful information about their Mom -- that she is not looking after them well, she is too strict, she does not love them, and that his support is not spent on them. This greatly influenced the younger child (boy, 11). He has started exhibiting behavioral problems, speaking to the mother rudely - something he has never done before. In the meantime, all the Dad does is call him, and promise this video game and that other gadget - which he knows the boy likes.
How do we deal with this -- we both love each other - but we are not sure how to deal with kids who are resistant to their parents desire to move on.
We have decided not wait and give time to the relationship. But sometimes, going there and seeing the angry faces of the kids just irks...it just seems as if we are unwanted -- I am not sure if I should feel this way - but that is the case -- how do you love someone and at the same time deal with rejection from the kids?
I would appreciate your thoughts...