Almost 20-Failure to Launch
Background on my situation...divorced last year after 20 years of marriage, 3 kids...Daughter, almost 18, son 16 and son 13. I have been a stay at home mom since my daughter was born. I am now out of the family house (long story). We have joint custody but my ex resides in the family home, although I see my kids frequently. My daughter stays with me more than 50% of the time. I now am co-owner of a home with my significant other. I had the lump sum to put down and he has the income to support the mortgage. Last year when this opportunity arose, by happenstance, we found the perfect house. Big enough to accomdate all 5 of our kids (collectively) in and out. His two children are 21 and almost 20. My kids are minors, but live with their dad, my ex. So, the thought going forward, was we would have enough room for any or all to stay overnight, celebrate holidays, etc... UNTIL...his almost 20 daughter, more or less flunked out of her first year in college. She had to withdraw or something like that in February 09 and then again something similiar occurred in April 09. By June 09, she was 'coming home' as she needed to clean up her act before being readmitted to her school. (Her mom wanted to have nothing to do with her and wouldn't allow her to live with her. She blamed her for their divorce, totally unfair...but i think i understand the mom's point of view now)! At least that is my understanding. I might add that she barely got of high school for attendance reasons. So, we gained ownership of the house May 09 and his daughter moved in around mid June 09. The plan was to get her gen. ed. courses completed at the local junior college and grow up a bit and move on. Well, first semester last fall she registered for 10 hours...I am a college graduate and if I recall correctly a normal course load per semester is 15-16 hours. At the time I thought this was a little odd, but didn't say anything...UNTIL, one by one she withdrew from her classes without telling her dad and lied about it. I think she has 3 semester hours from last fall, but I am not even sure. He is her sole support. I might add that she has never worked a paying job and is almost 20. Her dad set her up with a debit card (for gas)last fall...another thing, she didn't get her driver's license until last September, after she was 19. I guess the deal with the bank was that it came with a credit card in her name. Evidently she had a grand time Labor Day weekend, as she managed to rack up $1600 in credit card bills in 3 days...that included a tatoo (which her dad was not in favor of, and she knew it) treating her friends to large admission fees to the local amusement park...etc. She got promissary notes from her friends, after the fact...it was quite humorous! Even my 13 year old wouldn't be so naive. Anyway, then we enter into this current college semester. Once again she signed for 10 hours...At this point I challanged her and she whined, I have to see what I am capable of...OMG I thought, how much more do we have to listen to. Her dad is a wonderful man and seems to have a real problem making her step up to the plate. Now, several months later she has once again withdrawn from 9 out of the 10 hours she orginally signed up for...one hour was for a choral group that she had to try out for! I just don't get it. She is extremely overweight, when she is home she is like a hermit in her room (which is fine with me), she claims she follows the Wiccon religion,and I overheard her last fall tell someone on the phone that she "knows for a fact" that she has been re-incarnated twice" Okay, I don't want to pass judgement on anyone's religious beliefs, etc. But I tend to wonder about someone who refuses or is unable to complete 3 courses at a junior college. Then I start to wonder what is going on. She comes from a good household with down to earth parents and one sibling, who is more mainstream. It is not the mainstream thing that bothers me, although, now it does. She lies to and manipulates her dad...she never raises her voice. She is quite deceptive in my opinion. Also is a complete slob. In the middle of all of this her dad was diagnosed with rectal cancer (last september)...I have been his sole support, emotionally. He has had chemo/radiation, surgery and a few life threatening set backs in the last two months...he had an infection and a major bleed, both which could have killed him, if not for the good medical care that he has. She didn't even know what hospital he was in and never asked me how he was doing (after surgery). I had to tell her to call her dad and ask him how he was doing. her claim was that she didn't want to bother him! But, she never even asked me how her dad was doing. My own daughter (who really cares and respects him) went to vist him, but not his own daughter. I know the writing is on the wall for me. I need to get my money out of this house (not to mention other monies I lent to him to bale out of his family home), because I just dont see this lazy, lying young lady getting out of here. I love this man, he has asked me to marry him and has given me a ring. I truly feel that he does love me, but I just cannot love or even like his daughter at this point. We all know blood is thicker than water, although he agrees with everything I say and has even been in tears asking for help with his dauther. I don't want to lose him, but I can't accept the daughter living here full time without working on becoming a productive citizen. Anyone in the same boat? Any feedback would be welcome. Since I am the mom of 3 teens, I know what they can be like. My 17 year old, who is hell on wheels will be starting college in the fall and could have graduated from HS at the end of her junior year...so I know lazy and I know motivated. I also know spoiled...my daughter is as well, but she has direction, as my two sons do. Help!!!