To Wii or not to Wii?

lamomApril 7, 2010

DH suffered an accident a few weeks ago and is having surgery this week. Taking care of him and DS7 has been stressful to say the least.

Because of the surgery, DH's need for rest afterward and personally needing a break, I asked SS30 to let DS7 spend the weekend with him and his family including SGS9 and SGS3. DS7 rarely visits much less spend the night with SS because of how they live generally but my back is against the wall.

SS30 said yes with one condition, that we loan them DS7's Wii. However, his kids can be destructive and if any of the Wii is lost or broken they will more than likely shrug and not replace it. This is not a big big deal but in the past when his kids have broken DS's toys, clocks whatever the shrug, no big deal look and no replacement is how they've handled it.

So here is my question, loan the Wii or whoops, "forget" to bring it.

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I wouldn't. It's too expensive of a "toy" to risk having it broken when you know it won't be replaced.

Trust me, I understand the impluse....the kids will all have a better time if they have the Wii available. My SS lives on his, and honestly, so does DH! DD plays pretty often, too.

I wish it were a situation where you could comfortably hand it over and rest assured that IF SS30's kids did break it, he'd more than happily reimburse you or replace it. But he won't and you know it.

Instead--as it IS kind of him to watch DS for the weekend---I'd send over a bag of toys/DVDs and a bag of fun snacks, like chips, popcorn, soda, fruit snacks, etc.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 3:49PM
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If it's a condition and you need the childcare, consider it the cost of services provided ~ however, I see great potential for problems~ but then again, I don't own a Wii and have no idea what they cost. Maybe send an inexpensive game system with DS... my kids always kept their old systems when they got a new one & usually had more games for the older system. (BTW, I think it's lousy form to make that a condition of watching your son, his brother when dad is recovering from a surgery... but that is just my opinion based on my family) After all, does he want it to entertain the kids or is HE going to use it? If it's for the kids' use, they should be just as happy with an older system or even a couple of age appropriate board games... movies, etc. But, if you do relent & let him use it... do so with no expectations of it being taken care of or replaced if broken.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 4:45PM
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Well it's kinda mean to say 'yeah, I'll let my brother come if you send the Wii with him', but on the other hand it's nice he's having DS over.

Anyway, I think if me I would likely pre-plan to have to buy DS a new one and send the Wii with one game. Leave all the extras and rest of games at home. That way if they kill it, break/lose the extra accessories or pour soda over the games you don't have but the actual unit to replace. Not an idea suggestion and yeah, expensive, but to me it'd be worth not worrying about if the Wii would survive and sparing any hard feelings it will cause if they damage it and shrug it off as the usual broken items. I'd just resign myself to the fact I'm real lucky if I ever see it again as I packed it.

But that's me. If you don't want to send it, don't. If you do send it, don't be angry when it gets abused. You know their track record and you know they can't afford to replace it easily.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 4:59PM
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SS30 asked to borrow the Wii as a way of keeping the 3 kids DS7, SGS9 and SGS3 entertained for two days. As anyone who has one knows, that Wii is something kids (and some adults) can play for hours and hours and hours. He may join them but I believe that he really wants it to keep the kids out of his hair.

I don't think I can decide to perceive the Wii as some kind of payment for childcare if it's broken or a controller is lost. It's just too expensive. You are all right, loaning it is just inviting problems.

imamommy, the Wii is the only game system DS7 owns other than a portable Nintendo DS which I am also not sure about sending along for the same reasons.

I think I will take lovehadley's suggestion and the general feeling on your posts. I'll bring a bag of candy and stuff, DS has loads from Easter, juice, fruit snacks etc. and accidentally/on purpose leave the Wii behind. SS30 won't like it but this is the kind of thing that could turn in to a big deal if there is a problem.

I am glad that he is willing to help out by keeping DS7.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 5:48PM
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Don't do it!!!!

DH (before we were married) lent his Wii to BM.
Well, of course, they broke both the controllers, scratched two games and then, HAD THE NERVE to complain that it didn't work anymore.
When DH asked for it back, BM said no!!
They STILL have it, and have complained repeatedly about the broken controllers and scratched games. They also thought they broke the Wii itself and phoned to complain about that too (it just needed to be unplugged for awhile to reset).

So we bought our own and under absolutely no condition does any of our Wii stuff go to BM's house.
DH never should have let the first one go over there at all.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 6:28PM
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Ceph, LOL, I can see the identical thing happening with SS and his crew. I've already decided not to lend it to them. It stays home. Just working on an excuse now!

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 6:37PM
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DD never had any computer or video games or game systems growing up, and she grew up just fine. I don't own any of that stuff. DD has Nintendo now that she acquired at age 20 mainly for long commutes, it is tough to read on a bus or subway. If Wii is expensive then don't take it there.

At the same time if you afraid they will break a game, how aren't you afraid to send a child there? People who are that careless cannot be trusted with young children. I would send him elsewhere. SD? A friend?

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 6:40PM
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SD is already keeping DS for the two nights DH is in the hospital. I could have asked her to keep him for four nights but it seemed like too much. Like I said above, my back is up against the wall. You are right, they are not particularly responsible people but they do have two kids and I think DS7 can weather one weekend with them.

I'm going to talk over the whole thing one last time with DH because he feels even more strongly about their general responsibility level, their influence, their unkempt household and so on. They recently landed a new, much larger apartment so I'm hopeful it hasn't gone to seed yet since they've only been in it about a month.

The Wii is not making the trip. But you make a strong point, the Wii can't go but the kid can? I get it.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 7:07PM
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The little DS games are like 1 & 1/4 inch by same and I am constantly hunting them down when GS7 brings his over. All three kids put their initials on the fronts (mainly so I can tell the 2 boys' apart. The almost 9 yr old GS and DD10 do much better with the small games than the youngest, none of them abuse them on purpose.

It's just GS7 will leave one on the floor and it gets pushed under sofa, leaves on end table and sits drink close to it...that type of thing. Daughter is much more careful, puts one away before getting another out. Hers is her entertainment on road trips, waiting in drs office and the like.

I think one of the things I thought about with Lamom's SGS was how she says he roughhouses a bit. I can just see the tennis racket or golf club being used as a weapon if something did not go his way. Maybe not, but it's why I suggested no accessories (besides more to lose/abuse).

Since you decided 'no', don't see why you really need an excuse. A simple 'it is DS's favorite thing and you'd hate to see anything happen to it', end of story. Maybe you could rent a couple movies they all want to see? Cheap to replace if they kill those.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 7:22PM
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He's doing you a favor and you aren't willing to do him a favor in return?? Maybe your SS's and SD's anomosity isn't solely based on "DH's and DS7's great relationship." Extremely rude in my book.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 10:34PM
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Neither a borrower nor a lender be... and all that.

"At the same time if you afraid they will break a game, how aren't you afraid to send a child there? People who are that careless cannot be trusted with young children. "

It's the kids who would destruct the Wii, and it could happen in 2sec flat. It's not really a "toy", IMO. I see kids with Nintendo DS (at age 5) and wonder what the heck their parents are thinking. I own one, LOL. It's "mine" and DD can play with it. Under supervision.

You don't need an excuse. Simply the truth, it's not a thing you're willing to lend out. If him staying there is contingent on the game console, well... you have your answer.

BTW, they already have 2 kids? IMO, one is harder than two and three is easier than two. However do they manage without one day-to-day? I would think, with (cousin age) brother coming over they'd be able to entertain themselves with Monopoly, cars, movies, cards, etc. If not...

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 10:59PM
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lonepiper, the list of favors I've done for SS is too long to begin here. And by the way, this favor is not only for me but for his dad as well. Wii's are expensive and his kids are destructive. If he wanted to borrow the checkers set, no problem.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 11:07PM
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You actually keep score (i.e., a list of favors)?? I think you should let him know well in advance before dropping your child off without the requested Wii - just in case he wishes to rescind the "favor."

    Bookmark   April 8, 2010 at 11:09PM
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I think it's a checklist... (humming... gonna find out if they're naughty or nice...)

Lonepiper, are you just trying to pick a fight? Do you not understand general statements?

    Bookmark   April 8, 2010 at 11:54PM
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lonepiper usually says it how it is, something unconventional views but usually to the point, she sees this story from a different view point

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 7:59AM
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"she sees this story from a different view point"


    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 10:00AM
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Thanks Silver, No LonePiper I don't keep a list, I don't have to. In the quid pro quo scenario you suggested "he does a favor for me but I won't do a favor for him" is where the scorekeeping takes place. Since my quids are heavily discounted and theirs are so few it's pointless to even think that way.

So, back on point...the Wii is not making the trip if DS7 actually goes. After running it past the group here I've wavered on the whole thing. No doubt that SS30 will put this in his quid pro quo quiver, I have to sacrifice DS7's Wii plus games in exchange for the "childcare" to take pressure off of me and DH while he recovers from surgery (not one call this week by the way from either adult stepkid on how the surgery went or the hospital visit) plus the drive to where they live in the exurbs. (the land beyond true suburbs but in the same county. We are from California, big counties,long drives.)

On semi positive note SD36 did keep DS7 overnight while DH and I were at hospital. Literally dropped him off at home this morning before dawn because of a business appointment for me to clean up, feed and turn around for school since I was at THEIR FATHER'S hospital last night.

As the stepmother I've realized that their lack of involvement, lower abdominal feelings towards their dad has very little to do with me personally. And even less to do with DS other than thinking he is geting their free silver plated ride through life. They haven't even called their dad through all of this!!!! WTF?

No Wii. I think DS will have more fun at home with real neighborhood friends than with these fake, adult 1/2 siblings and their offspring.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 1:10PM
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I think them not calling and not asking how dad feels and not visiting in the hospital is way bigger issue than Wii or such.. both kids ignore their dad, even semi normal SD? I am wondering now...Did dad tell them about his illness or they only learn it from you? why don't they call?

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 4:02PM
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Well, DH seems to have told them some things about the injury but to give them the benefit of MUCH doubt, not the extent of the injury or the surgeries or the recuperation. SS30 acted liked he thought it was very minor which it is not when I talked to him. Lots of attitude when I told him that this is fairly serious.

I don't know why they are so aloof. For years I thought it was me but now I know that it is not me. It's them. All three or four DH, SS30, SD36 and BM, stuck in whatever strange relationships from years ago. I'm just a symbol (not a sex symbol LOL.) DS7 is just another symbol. Not even real people to them I think. Just a symbol of what they lost, don't have, still want and so on. They are obviously angry with him or something and he deflects by not reaching out to them. Just DS7 which of course perpetuates the entire problem.

To not at least call your father recovering from a major injury is MANURE. I can't imagine not calling or really, seeing and helping my parents if this had happened to either of them. Semi-normal SD would do better I guess but it's been lackluster on the support front. I'm not angry because they are being true to form but look at the form. Lord help me if DS7 takes after them in any way.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 5:26PM
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Honestly with all the history, I wouldn't let your DS go or stay over there-period.

Yes he is in remission from his cancer, but he is still fragile. I wouldn't trust them with your DS. Sorry, if it were me I'd be worried sick the whole time he was there. Think you'd be better off having a sitter stay at your home with him.. Hope your Dh does well & has a swift recovery.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 6:22PM
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He'd be better off at home parked in front of the Wii with a box of junk food and a cell phone!
(Not that you wouldn't do better than that, but YKWIM...)

Don't send DS to SS's.
It'll cost you a pound of flesh, even if you DO send the Wii.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 8:23PM
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even if it was a minor injury, it is still weird not to call your own dad, just plain rude

    Bookmark   April 9, 2010 at 11:54PM
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Sweeby, Cat, everybody...I've decided to keep DS7 with us. "It'll cost you a pound of flesh, even if you DO send the Wii." Sweeby

You are absolutely right! I was looking for a break but this is not the way with or without the Wii it will cost me dearly now or later.

A few years ago we had SS babysit for DS while we went on a date. Came to pick DS then 4 I think afterwards. The door to the apartment was wide open, the baby was strapped in to babyseat, all three kids were in the apartment alone watching TV. No SS to be seen. DH sent SGS 6 at the time to find his father. SS was having a smoke and beer with some buddies downstairs in another part of the apartment complex! Apparently he went there often enough for SGS to know where to find him. I had almost forgotten about this until posting here about this weekend.

Yeah, No go. I was so stressed from the caregiving I forgot about that. He'll hang at home and use his own Wii to entertain himself until I cook something else up for him. Lean on my friends to let him hang at one of their homes.

Whew, this is why this forum is so helpful. Thank you everyone.

    Bookmark   April 10, 2010 at 10:09AM
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Oh my, no wonder SS wanted the Wii, kids are too big to strap into carseats now. How frick'n sad is that.

Reminds me of the news blurb from earlier this week where a dad had visitation with his sons ages like 4 and 6. They found the boys sitting in the car while dad and his brother were inside drinking after a night of partying.

Anyway...glad DS is staying home. You must be exhausted, maybe you can get a friend to take SS for an afternoon or one might have a good sitter they know that could come over for a few hours and just hang with SS while you get some rest.

Speedy recovery to your DH. When things improve I vote you get a couple day away (DH, you and SS) where you can refresh, relax and just pamper yourselves a bit.

    Bookmark   April 10, 2010 at 10:50AM
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