Seriously...I am going to cry
BM is pregnant...supposedly.
I am so upset.
I have talked on here before about how I have some scarring in my right tube. My left tube is open but it is still going to be difficult for me to conceive without medical assistance. We've done 3 rounds of IUI and they all failed. :(
IVF is probably going to be our only option. I'm fine with not actively TTC at this point because we have SO much going on. Really, we had planned to start IVF in May or June but with the court stuff and DH having to work so much (this economy has really hurt his business), we've decided to go au naturel for now, and focus on IVF in September when the kids are back in school.
Depending on how things go with BM and court, it's possible I might be caring for SS a lot more than expected this summer. I don't particularly want to be pregnant under those stressful circumstances.
SO--while I would be elated if it happened on its own, the chances of that are pretty slim. Most likely, IVF is our best shot.
It is soooo expensive, though, and we just had to write DH's attorney another large retainer check. SIGH. That definitely makes IVF not even a financial option for us in the next couple months---unless we went to my family for some help, which we totally COULD--but I'd rather save that for a last resort.
So--in some way I am blaming BM's SH*T for this setback.
Then yesterday her mom called DH and said she needed to talk to him.
He spoke to her early this morning, and I just heard the re-cap of the coversation. BM is (supposedly) pregnant, and is "turning over a new leaf." BLAH. Just like the one she turned over when she was pregnant with her now 16 month old baby girl----she drank and smoked the WHOLE TIME. :(
WHY oh WHY is this happening? I believe in God and I think everything happens the way things are supppsed to....I trust that God has everything planned out...but GEEZ. Why does SHE get to have another baby?
It just makes my heart ACHE.
Who knows--DH told me he was kind of skeptical, and thinks it's all just part of them trying to get him to drop the whole court thing. BM has said before that she thought she was pregnant---but according to her mom, she really is. UGH.
I wish he wouldn't talk to her family at all. Really,they are just as toxic as BM in their own weird, enabling way...
Anyway...I keep trying to tell myself not to let this take up any space in my head. Doesn't have anything to do with me, doesn't affect me, and really, whether she is or isn't pregnant has nothing to do with US or our chances.