Seriously...I am going to cry

lovehadleyApril 20, 2009

BM is pregnant...supposedly.

I am so upset.

I have talked on here before about how I have some scarring in my right tube. My left tube is open but it is still going to be difficult for me to conceive without medical assistance. We've done 3 rounds of IUI and they all failed. :(

IVF is probably going to be our only option. I'm fine with not actively TTC at this point because we have SO much going on. Really, we had planned to start IVF in May or June but with the court stuff and DH having to work so much (this economy has really hurt his business), we've decided to go au naturel for now, and focus on IVF in September when the kids are back in school.

Depending on how things go with BM and court, it's possible I might be caring for SS a lot more than expected this summer. I don't particularly want to be pregnant under those stressful circumstances.

SO--while I would be elated if it happened on its own, the chances of that are pretty slim. Most likely, IVF is our best shot.

It is soooo expensive, though, and we just had to write DH's attorney another large retainer check. SIGH. That definitely makes IVF not even a financial option for us in the next couple months---unless we went to my family for some help, which we totally COULD--but I'd rather save that for a last resort.

So--in some way I am blaming BM's SH*T for this setback.

Then yesterday her mom called DH and said she needed to talk to him.

He spoke to her early this morning, and I just heard the re-cap of the coversation. BM is (supposedly) pregnant, and is "turning over a new leaf." BLAH. Just like the one she turned over when she was pregnant with her now 16 month old baby girl----she drank and smoked the WHOLE TIME. :(


WHY oh WHY is this happening? I believe in God and I think everything happens the way things are supppsed to....I trust that God has everything planned out...but GEEZ. Why does SHE get to have another baby?

It just makes my heart ACHE.

Who knows--DH told me he was kind of skeptical, and thinks it's all just part of them trying to get him to drop the whole court thing. BM has said before that she thought she was pregnant---but according to her mom, she really is. UGH.

I wish he wouldn't talk to her family at all. Really,they are just as toxic as BM in their own weird, enabling way...

Anyway...I keep trying to tell myself not to let this take up any space in my head. Doesn't have anything to do with me, doesn't affect me, and really, whether she is or isn't pregnant has nothing to do with US or our chances.

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That is always how it is when someone is TTC with no luck. Everyone around them..especially those who should not have children..seem to get pregnant. Just one of those cruel laws of nature it seems.

Me and DH have had no luck conceiving our own child...yet bm threw away her 3 kids with him and has had no problem having 3 more children that she can not take care of since. Makes me sick that this baby machine just pops them out like nothing and we want one and can not. So unfair!!

So I know how you feel and totally sympathize! Its hard not to focus on something like that when it happens. Maybe it is just a ploy to get you and dh to drop the custody stuff.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 3:21PM
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I'm sorry Hadley...
Mom2emall is right -- no one seems to have the fertility they want.

But don't drop the custody stuff, and ramp up your record keeping even more. Even a few drinks or cigarettes now (if she's pregnant) will say an awful lot to any judge who cares about the welfare of children.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 3:45PM
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I'm sorry you're having trouble.

Maybe if you looked at it from another perspective, it wouldn't gall quite so much.

This one woman's fertility has no more to do with you than the fertility of any other random woman on the planet.

Imagine her in the Yucatan.


Bulgaria (is that still a country?...)

on one of the islands of Micronesia, islands so far out in the ocean, so small, & so numerous that nobody could find her if they wanted to.


Hang around some healthy happy women (elephants conceive when their female relatives are all around to help, & I think we're like that, too) & relish your life.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 4:15PM
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Hadley, It does seem so unfair that someone who is, or would be a good mom cant have a baby and there is no short supply of horrible woman who have babies that they shouldnt have...On a practical note tho, have you looked into The Billings Method to conceive? I ve spoken to Mds that havent even heard of this,but it is a good way to maximize your chances to get pregnant. I took some classes, but there is a book, also I havent checked, but the instructions may be on the Net..Simple and at no cost..Google Billings Method and let me know what you think...Good Luck

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 5:05PM
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Thanks ladies :)
i knew you would understand.

Dotz, we have been trying for awhile now, even before we were married. I temped & charted for a looong time. The Billings Method is an extension of that--it's paying attention to, and charting things like cervial mucus, temps, etc.

Unfortunately, my/our issues are my tubes. So even with us perfectly timing intercourse, my right tube is totally out of commission. I CANNOT get pregnant if I ovulate on my right side. I have a better chance on my left side, but there is some minimal scarring there, as well. It's about 75% open according to my RE. So technically--I CAN get pregnant on that side and probably WILL at some point. But considering the fact that a woman only has a 25% chance each cycle, even with well-time intercourse, AND considering the fact that I can only get pregnant roughly 50% of the time when I ovulate (since it has to be from my left ovary)---the odds are stacked against us.

Not to say it can't and WON'T happen naturally...but it could take years. :(

It is very disheartening, especially since my DD was a snap, oops pregnancy! :)

One thing that just floors me is when people say "oh, give it time, you are so YOUNG." Well---I get what they are saying but it annoys me nonetheless. First of all, I am not THAT young. I'm 28. Secondly, my DD will be 7 in a few weeks and SS is already 7. If I got pregnant TODAY, they would be almost 8 by the time the baby is born. With every month that passes by, the age gap gets wider and wider. I never wanted to raise my children separately. THAT makes me sad. And that's why it annoys me when people, albeit well-meaning ones, say "oh, you're so young...why rush?"


    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 5:20PM
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lovehadley stop worrying, don't be sad, do not drop custody deal, keep collecting evidence about BM. as about pregnancy, plenty of women cannot even have one child, so it is pointless to think that someone has more children than you. somebody always has somehting that we want.

some women get pregnant every time they have sex, it doesn't make them nicer or smarter than those who can't have children.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 6:44PM
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Yes, there was and is country Bulgaria. Where did you think it dissapeared? :)

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 6:45PM
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Hadley...lots of sympathy and luck to you on conceiving!

The rest of the story reminds me of Doodle's post about why stupid people shouldn't breed.

I have a friend who takes care of 5 children of a woman who was on crack during each of her pregnancies. It's so sad when people like that happen to be Fertile Myrtle, meanwhile people who are good and loving and responsible bend over backwards to conceive and still have problems.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 11:03PM
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Just sending you hugs, Love. Your time will come, and just think of how much better it will be then what BM is doing now. Turn your anger at BM into prayers for her poor baby . . .

    Bookmark   April 21, 2009 at 12:03AM
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