Ever tell 'em what you really think of them?

imamommyApril 15, 2011

This morning, I sorta did.

DGS's preschool is having a BBQ this evening. SD is supposed to go to BM's after school but she really wanted to go to the BBQ & get picked up after or in the morning. So, SD called BM & asked. BM said no, grandma doesn't like to drive at night or on Saturdays. During the night, SD get sick & is throwing up. We kept her home from school today & let BM know she can pick her up early from my office so she can get back to BM's & rest. BM tells DH that he can keep SD until the morning because she doesn't want SD getting grandma sick & she can't drive because of her ankle. So, she wants us to keep her knowing we're planning on going to a BBQ at the preschool & SD can't go now because she's sick. I can't take her to the preschool where she could get little kids sick. I figured it won't matter with her going to BM's because she's going for a two week Spring Break. The bug SD has now, has been going around and lasts about a day and a half.

So, I decided to write BM a text. It said:

"You're the poorest excuse for a mom. Get off your lazy @ss & take care of your sick child! You'd rather her sit here at my work all day than come take her home & show her that you care by taking care of her? You made it to court on Monday but you always have an excuse to not do anything for your DD! What a selfish B!tch you are to only think of yourself all the time! It's funny how she hurt herself on Saturday & you did nothing for her but you twist YOUR ankle on Sunday & go to the hospital... yet you tell us to take her in. No, it's just plain sad. You are pathetic!"

and I hit send. A few seconds later, BM called to talk to SD & questioned her about whether she wants to come today or stay... asking if she stays, can she go to the BBQ? She says that she'll send grandma after grandma gets done dropping older sister off at school... but that grandma may need to wear a mask so she doesn't get sick.

Then DH calls me & I tell him about the text I sent. Well, fortunately or unfortunately... BM had changed her number so it was sent to her old number. I don't know if anyone even got it.

Then grandma showed up a few minutes ago to pick up SD. The first thing she tells SD... "Don't breathe on me!" Nice. Geez! SD came over & gave me a hug goodbye... gave my dad a hug goodbye.

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You are my idol!!! LOL!!!! I would absolutely LOVE to tell my ss bm what I think of her. I've told my dh that as soon as he graduates my mouth will be spilling every word that's been couped up in it for so long. I actually have a fake facebook that she believes is one of her friends. I did this because during the custody case we were tryingto get dirt on her. Anyway, I do post things on there that I want to say to her. I don't know if she's ever read any of them though.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 3:42PM
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I "like" this grandma, put the mask on and tell a child not to breathe on her, what a "loving" grandma, and mom doesn't work yet doesn't drive to get her child and of course she twisted her ankle...suuure..

I am glad though she didn't get your text because imagine what he%% she'd raise...

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 4:16PM
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I'm going to give Gma the benefit of the doubt and assume that she has some chronic health issue that the mild 'bug' SD has could actually be more hard on Gma to deal with/fight off because of the other health conditions...but if not, geesh. Don't breathe on me?

If my first scenario happens to be correct, double shame on BM for being such a lazy uncaring horse's behind to let her mother be the one to pick SD up. I wonder how many times over the years Gma herself has wanted to make that same type of text to BM and hit send?

Yeah, it's likely a good thing you had the old number, but it sure felt good to write it and hit send didn't it! Some things just occassionaly really do need to be said. I'm usually pretty honest and direct with telling someone my opinion of their actions or lack of, but there's been the few times where I just write it and hit delete...needed to 'say it' but know better than to start an all out war. Sure can be tempting at times though.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 4:47PM
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I recall how grandma was passing out mysteriously (because ima's DH said something to her she didn't like) yet she drove just fine. Seems mom and grandma are both continuously ill when it is convenient for them. Like justmetoo said, it could be legitimate health issue but then it is double nasty on BM's part.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 5:11PM
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I always tell my sd bm how i feel.. i even had her in my home to show her how nomal families live!! I cant help but sink to her level and become imature when she starts with me lol... once at court she yelled to me that my sd is her daughter not mine. and i could not resist i had to yell back thats why i have her 7 days a week!! ya i was removed from the room but it was sooooo worth it. once she sent her home at 8pm with a salad for dinner... om salad fine healthy good - but at 8pm!?!? by the time we get home it would be 9pm so not dinner time!!! I walked that salad back up to her door and told her she eats dinner at 6pm everyday at a dinner table 9pm is way to late and i threw the salad back at her... trust me that was 2 years ago and I have learned to be more mature. It is hard because i ahve 2 daughters of my own and i would never do the things this woman has done to my sd... I watch what i say ,text and email because i never want to look bad in court if she brings them in... but i have deff. let her know how i feel!! and i felt great after lol...

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 7:20PM
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What a piece of .....

I have the same issue. I am always the best care taker fr dd when she is sick bc BD has a stepchild that could get sick. Well I have a BABY that could get sick too! And it doesn't even matter she's your child too step up and parent on YOUR days that YOU have fought so hard for. Arrrr I would love to say how I feel to them but I have to be good or i'll be on the judges sh!t list...

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 7:47PM
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IMA, you are my hero!! For nine years I've been suppressing my anger toward this egg donor who never wanted her son, and who has never been a mother to him... I got stuck with the job because I fell in love with his father... can't say it's what I envisioned for myself after raising my own son, but it happened... I went into it not realizing that the biggest challenge of raising a boy who was not biologically mine, would be dealing with his useless excuse of a mother. But, I keep telling myself that someday .... someday .... she will hear what I really think about her. OMG !! I wish someday was today!!

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 8:14PM
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I have never come out and told bm what I think of her...but I have told her what her kids think of her at times! When she moved out of state last time and waited almost a year to call and let the kids know I layed into her. It was on a holiday that she called and sd was upset and yelling at her and bm got snappy back.

So I took the phone and told bm it was a holiday and she was not going to ruin it. I told her her two teenage daughters were old enough to see through her lies (she was trying to tell them she had no access to a phone for a year so that is why she never said by to them or let them know she had moved). I told her that her son barely thought of her as his mom. I told her if she had any plans on having a relationship with any of her kids she better make some serious changes because her daughters were close to hating her.

So she moved back to our state and saw them a few times and lost interest again. Now she still lives 5 or so minutes from us but hasn't had the kids at her house since last summer when her parents visited. Uggh!

I have come to the conclusion that some people are just not cut out for parenting!

    Bookmark   April 15, 2011 at 10:37PM
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Well ladies & gents....

The text may not have reached her but she can't just pick up her daughter & leave things alone. Grandma picks up SD and an hour later, BM calls DH to demand he either give SD her shoes back or bring them to court on Wednesday or she's going to tell the Judge on him.

Then DH gets a phone call from grandma saying SHE bought those shoes & he'd better call her back. Well, since DH didn't take the shoes, I did... I called her back. Of course, she demanded to know why I took the shoes. I told her that it was a because SD does not take care of her things & it's a consequence. She began yelling at me that she bought them as a gift & I can't take them away from her. So, I told her that if they were a gift, they belong to SD, since DH & I are raising SD, we can decide what the consequences in our house are. Then she went ape sh!t on me... saying that I am not raising SD.. I'm not SD's mom, BM is. I was getting ticked & should have hung up but instead, I told her that I'm more of a mom to her than BM & if BM would get off her lazy @ss and come get her own daughter, SHE (grandma) would not have to worry about anything. Grandma then threatened to hire an attorney & I laughed. I told her go ahead... and told her to bring it up to the Judge on Wednesday because he isn't going to care about a pair of shoes when BM isn't even paying what she's supposed to. That's when BM chimed in... I guess she was there listening. She yelled that DH only sent her an invoice with no receipts. I told her that I am the one that sent her all the invoices & I always attach a copy of the cancelled checks that I write to pay for it. Then I said she is F-ing ridiculous because she's trying to get out of paying a hundred & fifty dollars in doctor bills for her own daughter! (I used a few sailor words that I probably shouldn't have used, but I was unleashed) I told her that she needs to be a parent & that I do more for her daughter than she does. Then grandma yelled that all I do is emotionally & verbally abuse SD. (I ignored that) and BM kept telling me "don't you talk to me like that" (because I was using quite a few bad words) and I told her that I'll talk to her however I like & that she needs to step up to be a parent to SD & she should be coming to get SD instead of sitting on her butt all day playing Farmville. She yelled at me that she has a doctors note for her ankle so I told her she gets hurt more than anybody I know & she always has a note or excuse for something. I told her that I can't have injuries all the time because I have to get up & go to work everyday, even if I hurt myself. Then I told her she might want to learn how to walk without falling down.. honestly, I was so worked up I don't know what she was saying after that... I heard both of them talking at once and finally I told her she needs to step up to be a mom to her kid... then hung up.

Then DH got a phone call from SD. She left him a message, crying that she's sorry because she didn't know her grandma and mom were going to yell at me. Apparently, BM & grandma had put the phone on speaker so SD & SD's sister heard it all. As upset as I am for myself for losing my cool, and I am upset that she allowed SD to hear it... everything I said was the truth & standing up for myself as well as for SD. They don't have the right to interfere with how we are disciplining SD... when she was given the consequence, it was explained WHY and it was also explained how she can get them back... start taking care of things. (of course grandma also brought up THOSE DAMN PANTS from two years ago!)

Then DH got another message from grandma on his way home from work. She wanted to let him know "what he is married to" and told him that I called BM a "lazy @ss & very crude word that starts with C and ends in UNT". Um, I don't use that word EVER. So, I thought back over what I said and what I said was "TELL BM TO GET OFF HER LAZY @SS AND COME GET HER OWN DD" and maybe it was the words "come get" that sounded like that, but later when DH called to talk to SD, BM said the same thing & told him to "please don't have your wife call me ever again!"... I didn't call her, I called grandma & had no idea BM was going to jump in on that conversation. It would not have gotten so heated if she hadn't been there.

They spent the whole day worked up about the shoes but I know the reason is they wanted to get worked up about anything because they have court next week & she wants to redirect the focus from her being in contempt for not paying the doctor bills to "look, they took my DD's shoes... see how horrible they are?"

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 2:14AM
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Oh, my.

Pfft. Let her bring it up in court. While they purchase and allow clothing and make-up at their house, that is fine...but they, no matter who THEY are, don't get to tell Dad how daughter gets to dress in his home. While they are playing 'whine to Judge', don't forget to bring all the receipts for all the clothing you have had to buy because SD 'loses' all of the traditional clothing over and over. Hell, don't stop there, take along the notes SD wrote to the boys ...give a real view of what influence BM is on child and how BM encourages this behavior by buying her the ill fitting sexy clothes. If they wanna play 'rat to the Judge' don't forget all the classroom/school grades and conference letters. But what are BM/Gma concerned and focused on? A fricking pair of shoes that were temporarily taken away as a consequence. Can't pay child support, can't pay medical bills nor even take child to dr...but those pants and shoes, by God, Judge, do SOMETHING about those!

Odds are the Judge will shut her up before she gets a chance to toss 'shoes' around as this is a hearing about CS and medical bills, the rest is all outside the rim of this particular hearing.

Whatever happened with the charges against BM were she was charged with theft and embezzlement last year?

I'm sorry SD had to hear the phone call, but maybe it's not such a 'bad' thing that she did. She heard it all, straight out. There can be no spin and excuses from BM now on only what and how BM chooses to tell her things , daughter has heard the reality right from both sides.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 7:03AM
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I still remember posts about DAMN PANTS, now it is about shoes! BM pays no child support she should be quiet! If she starts talking about shoes, DH must start pushing for CS and medical bills harder. What a piece of work.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 6:29PM
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I just recall that the whole damn pants situation happened when BM had to be in court over CS or medical bills, am i right? so every time she has to face consequences, she starts commotion about pants/shoes or other minor things to divert attention.

DH should tell her just that: you pay no CS, no medical bills, do not pick up your own daughter, buy her inappropriate clothing and raise her to be just like you, but every time you have to answer to judge you talk about shoes and pants. don't you dare raising your voice at my wife. heck if you didn't call her that C word, maybe he should.

Can't stand these people and I don't even know them. Poor SD!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2011 at 6:40PM
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GOOD for all of you. step kids need to be told what you think of them. 3rd party unbiast oppinions are the only true oppinions.

tell them their dad is a queer who likes to hang out at the docks and blow sailors. or their mom is a heroin junkie who doesnt love them.

then beat them till they are too afraid to cry, dye their hair red and lock them in a closet for weeks on end.

it will make you feel good

Here is a link that might be useful: tips on being a good parent

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 10:51AM
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Oh how cute, a bait posting from a bored troll.

Uh, only not one posting on this thread is about telling the child about being rotten children, beating them nor locking them up anywhere. Meh, not only bored but bored with a reading comprehension problem. Yawn.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 11:07AM
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And can't spell, either...

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 2:55PM
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Lmao!! Wow --

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 4:35PM
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JMT , It is sort of a bait..Theres a website Maddox Mission, they post on hate mail responses for laughs..Have you seen the email " I m better than your kids" Where he grades artwork your kids have brought to the office (they are all F s)He s a 35 yr old computer programmer that posts his dislikes to the extreme..This is most likely a fan of the website( Or maybe him looking for more hits to his website......Its not for real......But had your post been a stronger reaction, you might have ended up on Hate Mail.....

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 4:51PM
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i used to always tell my sd bm how i felt. from throwing my sd dinner back at bm to argueing in court (stupid i know) it used to be hard for me to hold my tounge. but now that i have my own children to look out for - going to jail is not an option for me lol. Last year we both almost got arrested for argueing at the courthouse. I hate it when she tells me im not her mom... No im not but you dumped her off with DH father rather than take care of her yourself, you signed over your rights , and you beat and bit her - so dh and i took over. You left the job open and i was willing to take on her resposibility. No Im not her mom but i do have her 7 days a week , i do her homework with her, i feed her , i take her to school and pick her up , i pay her way to everything and i kiss her goodnight. BM is more of a friend than a mom. Tomorrow is court and yes i know now to bite my tounge but i can only hope our attorney fights like hell. She used to be a family law judge untill she retired and now just handles cases as a hobby. She funded the supervise visitation center down here.... Last hearing the judge wanted to hear nothing and stated the case has drug on to long and wants it over and final as soon as possible so i knowmonday will bring some big changes. DH is in denial but i know she will endup with weekends and from coming from only 6 hrs a week thats alot to us. Alot more worries and i know if she doesnt change her living conditions then alot more arguements. But once it is final and things dont change best believe if my sd is sleeping on the floor or in the living room on a blowup matress with her aunt (convicted drug offender) i will have cps involved. I took vows to my husband as well as my sd to protect her even if she doesnt see the danger from her mother. She has made changes though and i strongly believe it was due to the things i have said to her. sometimes its the only way to get through someones thick skull....

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 5:18PM
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Hey there be careful!! Yes you are raising her and please do not take this the wrong way.. I completely support you Mrs Proffit -- all of my posts I've supported you but want to tell you to be so careful. I was a bit out of control several years ago, I never dumped my kid or anything but I would lose my temper yell and scream at ex, wrote hateful emails.. You name it. My attorney told me once you better shut your mouth or you'll lose your kid.. But SM did something that got her arrested. She started a fight with me and she ended up going to jail. She spent the next 3 yrs not allowed near my dd. She just now started to have visits around dd and Bd had supervised visits bc he married her and the judge didn't like it. The judge didn't like how 'involved' she got. She was the one always stepping up for bd. She was the one in court fighting while bd just stood there. Then she started this fight and was arrested ... And she lost all access to my dd. And I won. So my point, just be careful. That little girl needs you. And even though BM signed away her rights, she is being given a chance so don't let her ever get the best of you because you will lose to bm. In my case that's how it was any way. Just don't want you making a mistake!

    Bookmark   April 17, 2011 at 6:45PM
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i have learned from those mistakes and i know now to hold my temper in... I know i will lose... the only way i can explain is.... i went from single to step mom in a month. DH and i met, things went fast. I was only 22 when this all began.. I was young , not an excuse but I have grown up alot. I am 25 with 3 kids to take of now! I feel wiser now if that makes sence. I am huge worry wart so i watch what i say because I dont want to end up in jail. I will admit I handle most of everything DH cant stand BM so he sits back - it stays quiet this way and is best for SD. I am now able to be in the same room with BM and be ok. She has put my family through hell. Calling to harass my DH sending him nude pics. Telling him she wants to be with him , she tried every trick in the book to push me out of the picture. Believe me I just want whats best for my SD if in the end she recieves w/e and SD is happy - im happy.. I just want her safe, healthy and happy. I know that good mom or not thier is a bond there that I could never compare to. I wont even try....I just want her safe...

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 12:36AM
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what a see the issue here is that you are fighting for SD and her safety rather than DH. I think when it comes to court hearings you should keep it low key unless judge asks you questions. I see that you are very good and involved SM but you do not have guardianship or legal authority, DH does. BM is harassing DH, again it is his job to stop it, not yours. Is DH doing any parenting, or you do everything?

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 10:15AM
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DH is gone from 6am untill 7pm when he is home it is my break!!! he takes over lol i am usually exhausted! he does bath time he is home for dinner and discussions. He is the one who attends school confrences. But 7pm is to late for homework crafts ect... If he is home early they do little things last time they made cupcakes.. last friday dh and sd camped out in the tent in moms backyard and fished all night and in the morning. He is deff involved! He ignores BM when she texts or calls and it is not about SD. He is not pleasent with her at all unless the conversation is about SD. The judge last court hearing told BM and DH to leave me out of it. I was pretty thrilled lol but BM insists on calling my phone using my phone to text and emailing me not DH. I dont want to just ignore it because then we might look like we are trying to exclude BM. The situation is difficult. We all got along fine today though. I didnt like her attorney he pissed me off but i behaved :) The only thing I do is document everything because DH spelling is terrible and i know mine sucks too but i try..

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 1:25PM
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sounds like dad is trying, that's good...

keep documenting, your spelling does not have to be good as long as you have dates and times and description of what happened.

it is really weird BM called him sperm donor and deadbeat, dad who lives with and raises his kid full time? are you sure BM is not using drugs anymore? she makes no sense

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 3:22PM
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lol i dnt believe she is using anymore. she is just mental. cps has a file that states she has a mental illness but as for what exactly idk. He does try. For awhile is was hard for him because he just cant standher BM. He knows its not her fault its his lol but he is doing much better! He just finds it hard to handle when he does something special for sd and whatever bm does is always better. maybe now bing with her bm more she will see its not all fun and games.. I know BM will let SD stay up atlate as she wants and i honestly cant wait because when SD doesnt get proper sleep - look out!!! she turns into a 2 yr old with temper tantrums!!!

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 3:30PM
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By your post about he tries so hard but BM does it better.. Sounds like a bit of jealousy. Mental illness doesn't mean she can't be a good mom. Not on drugs anymore - that's awesome!! People make mistakes. My ex threatened to kill himself once many years ago and I don't hold it against him. Even with all of his crap... I know he had just hit Rock bottom and I don't throw stones because I believe we are all capable of hitting the lowest place of our lives. Parent or not, everyone makes mistakes.

If the judge has told them to leave you out of it, I would heed his warning. Our judge did the same thing and SM didn't listen. Now she isn't permitted to do anything. She isn't allowed in the court room because the judge is trying to get BD to step up and do his own dirty work for his own child.

I commend you for being so stand up for sd. She needs that but tread lightly. This is a perfect age for your situation, if she were any older it would be much more difficult.
BM and BD need to be co parenting and all other parties should step aside. Maybe they should try co parenting classes.

Oh and when the judge told Sm to stay out of our situation she said oh good I'm so tired of being in the middle but the joke was on her... We never put her in the middle. She put herself in the middle and she found herself right out of the middle real quick in a very embarrassing manner.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 7:18PM
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I never go into the court room - today was actually the first time i attended even just the mediation. I was also invited. Co parenting classes hve been done but BM like i have said befoe is moe of a friend not a mother. She has been giving the option to make certain decisions but still leaves it up to us. She wants everything done for her and handed to her on a silver platter. She just wants to do the fun things and play. I hope she has changed and part of me does believe she has when it comes to partyng and drugs. this trial run of over nights and more time will show if she has or not.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2011 at 11:48PM
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