Discipline of SD how to make BM on board?

nutbunchApril 9, 2009

So last night my DH found that the 12 year old SD had posted pictures of herself and videos on the internet complete with links to the school she goes to.

Obviously really stupid as any predator has a roadmap to her. She had a myspace page before we knew about but violated rules set up for it and it was deleted. Now she secretly set all this up and says nothing.

Her dad totally read her the riot act, why it was dangerous, and to notify her friend to delete her pictures from their sites or their parents will get a call.

Since it's happened before about her violating the rules when we explained to BM why she was being puinshed. BM goes along and has a suitable talk about consequences, but I think because BM feels guilty about not being the primary caregiver that she plays down the discipline. Then buys her something and treats her like nothing went wrong.

SD never gets consequences of her actions she has no common sense. She's 12 and frankly I'm scared to death what she'll get involved with in her future.

I'd like some ideas to suggest to DH and BM. BM isn't really available though, she lives in another state and doesn't visit as much as she could, although they do talk and text on the phone a lot.

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mom2emall

I think with BM living out of state the best you can get from her is the talking.

As for sd I would pull up some articles about girls who have been abducted, raped, killed, etc. from online preditors. Sit down with her and read her these articles. Maybe it will hit home?

As for myspace there are some protective measures you can take. Her profile can be private, so that only people she knows can view her pics and information. You can set it up so only people who know her e-mail address or last name can request her as a friend. Myspace is such a hip,teen thing I think if you again banned her from it then she would sneak a new one. If you let her have a myspace page then you can monitor it.

As for punishment I think some time grounded from the internet is in order since she did something online that she was not supposed to do.

But something I have learned with consequences is you have to find a happy medium. If you jump all over a child they will hate you and become secretive. If you do nothing they will walk all over you. So I guess what I am saying is that this situation can not be ignored...but do not go overboard with it either.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 2:36PM
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serenity_now_2007

"So last night my DH found that the 12 year old SD had posted pictures of herself and videos on the internet complete with links to the school she goes to.

Obviously really stupid as any predator has a roadmap to her. She had a myspace page before we knew about but violated rules set up for it and it was deleted. Now she secretly set all this up and says nothing."

Also, when it comes to kids and rules, and what is or isn't allowed, kids can be maddeningly LITERAL... especially if they don't fully understand the underlying logic or reason for the rule. So in your case you may have specifically told her that a MYSPACE page wasn't allowed, but she's found a loophole by making it A DIFFERENT Internet page. If it wasn't made clear enough (which of course I don't know if it was or wasn't), then she may be very confused as to why she should be punished. And to some extent understandably so. But if she in fact broke a clearly-stated rule (with clearly-stated logic behind it), then yes, she should have some sort of consequence.

Otherwise, punishment is not always the best course of action. And neither is a scare tactic for MINOR things, but a scare tactic in this case is warranted because you're explaining to her a very real danger that she's exposing herself to. She needs to be aware and informed about risks she takes and how to take proper precautions.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 3:13PM
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