Can't wait 'til she's outa here!

poppingraysApril 14, 2009

As a long-time SM, I know better than to say "can't wait until it's over", because it won't be any time soon. Youngest SD turned 18 last December, still in high school, will be graduating in June, and is supposed to be moving in w/ biomom after that. This child has run her dad & I through the ringer this past year. She went from being a very responsible, self-sufficient, kind person to becoming this irresponsible, uncaring, overdramatic monster in less than 12 months.

SD had a good job, she just up and quit. We stopped supporting her cell phone and kicked her off our car insurance, but now biomom is taking over those debts. It frustrates me to no end, because before this year, biomom could have cared less about this girl, called her "too high maintenance" for her to deal with. All of a sudden biomom's handing this child money to put gas in her car with the idea that SD is to look for work (but she's not - just hanging w/ pot-smoking boyfriend). SD "ran off" to live with biomom in January this year (grass-is-greener notion). Lasted for a whole 2 weeks, then biomom tells her she needs to "go home" to her Dad & I, pawning her off again. Her Dad and I love her very much, but we don't much care for the person she's being right now.

Dad & I have not been handing SD money. We pay for neccessities, but nothing else. SD still manages to have enough money to run, run, run. Then she breezes into the house before 10 pm every few days to eat, do her laundry and sleep.

Now SD is getting ready to go to senior prom, even though she's drug-tested positive through her school 4 times this year. School sends us a letter stating she's excluded from all extra curricular activities, but the principal told her she could go to prom! I'm frankly outraged! If there was one thing I know could've really affected SD (maybe to the point of re-thinking her romance w/mary-jane) it would've been not being able to go to prom! Her dad won't stop her from going, her biomom went out & bought her a dress (praise for screwing up?) and the school won't stop her, either. There have been absolutely no consequences for this child and I'm tired of watching it!!!!!

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stargazzer

Brace yourself, it's never over....in most cases. It does sound like you have a chance though. The Dad seems to be a strong Dad and doesn't give into her.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2009 at 2:40PM
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poppingrays

Stargazzer, Dad is a strong Dad, I feel at least partially responsible for that... wasn't always that way. Fortunately and unfortunately he loves his daughters to a fault, at times, and does of lot of "taking back" any disciplinary actions he's handed out. Drives me a bit nutty, at times. I really do love my SD, but I'm not getting any return on that from her, so I'm just to the point where I'll be relieved when I see her bags packed and her heading out the door. I may sound like a terrible person for saying it, but I look forward to the time when she does have to deal with real consequences from her actions. Maybe then she'll appreciate what we were trying to teach her!

    Bookmark   April 14, 2009 at 3:40PM
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justnotmartha

It would be hard for me to sit back and have all the supposed consequences nulled - what lesson is that teaching? I can understand your frustration - wish I had some advice but I don't.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2009 at 12:56AM
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imamommy

I don't have any advice.. but I would share my frustration with the school system. We've had ongoing problems with SD lying and breaking the rules.

Last year, she was buying hot lunch on Fridays when her mom was picking her up from school. She was eating two lunches and we talked about it and all she would say is 'I wanted to'. So, this year we put a restriction on her lunch card after she bought unauthorized meals and snacks with her card. Well, even though her card is supposed to have a restriction... the Friday before she left for Spring Break, she bought another meal. She figured she was going to her mom for 10 days and we couldn't do anything about it. (She told us this when we asked her about it) Of course, I sent the school an email asking them how they allowed her to buy a meal when she had no money in her account and we had already put a restriction on it... I still have not received a response. SD has agreed to earn the money to pay for the meal... it's not about the money, but that's the consequence to her action. She didn't need it, she wanted it and she can pay for it.

Also, the Monday before spring break... it was her birthday. She handed out the leftover cupcakes on the bus & the bus driver said she was getting a citation. Instead, the week she was gone we got a postcard from the bus driver, thanking her for all her help and telling her she can bring the card to the office for a reward. WTH? She made a mess on the bus! She was told to help clean up the bus to make up for the bus driver having to clean up the icing from her cupcakes! All her help was her consequence for breaking the rule on eating food on the bus and making the mess! Why would they 'reward' her for doing what she is supposed to do anyways? I'm proud that SD worked at making it right, but does that mean she's entitled to a 'reward'? I don't think so and I don't get how the school officials think. So, I understand the frustration with the schools that don't seem to want to expect kids to be responsible for their actions. I just don't get it.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2009 at 1:13AM
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poppingrays

UPDATE: Just found out my husband handed SD money last weekend to go hang-out with an old friend from out-of-town!!! WOW! And this was after our discussion that there would no money handed out... It just goes to show ya... So now, just holding my breath for 6 more weeks until she graduates. This whole thing just stinks to high heaven!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2009 at 9:36AM
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