Hello everyone, am new.
Hello everyone. I am new here. I just wanted to introduce myself and to say that I have been reading your posts for a while. This is a great forum with lots of constructive advice and I hope I can contribute just as well.
Today, I wanted to ask for some opinions....
My situation: I live with DH who has 3 children. 18 year old twin DS and a 14 year old DD. I have 2 DS of 4 and 7. DH's kids don't live with us. He got custody after his divorce but his sons only lived with him for a year and then moved back to their mother (who had really manipulated them by saying that she wouldn't be able to feed her new baby if they didn't live with her because she wouldn't be getting any social aide. We live in France.) His daughter stayed with him from 8 years old to 14 and I have only been with him for the last 3 years and we have lived together for the last 2. This means I did live with SD14 for 2 years.
SD14 is extremely disrespectful and arrogant. She has never been able to handle being disciplined. According to her, we don't have the right and if ever I did try I was told to "mind my own business". She has been the classic case of teenage turmoil for the last 2 years (but not uniquely teen turmoil because I have always found that she does not know her place which is that of a child, not an adult. She has always been disrespectful to all adults and has never understood that there are limits) and because she refuses to be disciplined or understand that her bahaviour or lack of schoolwork is not acceptable she decided to move to her mother's because her mother always listened to her moaning about how nasty daddy is. Instead of showing a united front with DH and not playing SD14's game, her mother used this to get SD14 back. Obviously DH was terrified of losing his daughter the way he lost his sons (because once they went back to their mother they had free run to do whatever they wanted when they wanted and basically became the trouble-makers at school and around town. When DH tried to discipline them their mother basically told them that they didn't have to go and see their nasty father unless they wanted to and because they didn't want to be 'in trouble' they never came. In the 3 years I've known DH I've maybe seen his sons 2 or 3 times and it's always in their town because DH parents live there too. It 's 600km away!).
So, DH let SD14 go and live with her mother but ONLY under the condition that she come to him EVERY holiday and for the WHOLE holiday. Needless to say, 3 holidays have come and gone since she left and we have had to fight tooth and nail for her to come. The next holiday is in a week and DH got her school report about 2 weeks ago. It's terrible - she has marks like 3/20 for math and 4/20 for French etc...All of her marks are under the average. So, DH punished her by contacting her school and telling them that he is refusing to let her go on a school trip to Spain, half of which he paid, because of her school results. Obviously she is now refusing to come here and see her father because he is being unreasonable. Even her own mother's DH agreed with my DH that she should not be allowed on this trip and her mother just laughed and said "oh well, we're not going to do that to her". DH is beside himself. I'm not sure he can go through the same thing all over again after his sons just stopped coming to see him. And he shouldn't have to. His ex has refused to put SD14 on the train as planned because "everything is fine at my house and the problem is between you and your daughter". I am disgusted by this. I have never seen such selfish, self-centered, disrespectful children in my life. I sent SD14 a text message this morning saying "shame on you' and she answered me saying "mind your own business and thank you but you don't have the right to talk to me like this".
What to do? Any suggestions would be welcome.