I swear I am having some sort of on-going panic attack!
I can't handle this...don't know what to do.
I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH BM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
I know that sounds ridiculous...I married my husband, I knew what I was getting into...this is my bed, I made it, now I will lie in it, all that stuff...
I am just an emotional wreck about this. It just seems like reality has hit home in a major way--this woman will ALWAYS be in our lives and things will never be peaceful. That's how I feel.
How do you disengage from a BM? I don't want her taking up space in my head anymore.
Last night, DH and I were watching a movie and around 10 pm BM called. DH didn't answer. She called again. Then again. Finally, on the 4th call DH said "I have to answer, I have to see what she wants."
SHe was calling about SS's school's spring carnival this coming weekend...wanting to know if my DH had bought tickets yet. I mean, COME ON! Does THAT really necessitate FOUR late-night phone calls? NO. It does not. I was ticked at my DH for answering in the first place. THIS is the petty stuff I mean--there is just no reason for him to have a nightly "chat" with her about stuff that can be handled primarily via email.
It's like--I can't even have ONE NIGHT with my hubby without HER. Seriously, I am not even exaggerating. She calls EVERY night. DH will call to say goodnight to his son and then without fail, BM either gets on the phone or else she calls back...if he doesn't answer, she keeps calling and calling and eventually, he caves and answers.
And it is always the most trivial little sh*t that could be handled via email or later on in the week. It is just an excuse to "talk." She always tries to worm her way into a conversation with him about stuff that does NOT have anything to do with parenting their son. Ever since the incident, DH has been good about keeping it short, and not getting sucked into friendly conversation...BUT...BM is trying nonetheless.
I know this might sound trivial or petty....but it just drives me batty.
So then the issue of the carnival comes up and DH says to BM that he is planning to take off work to take SS. BM wants to go too b/c SS wants both of them there. So they work that out and then DH tells me he wants to take my DD, too. NO WAY. I am sorry but I really don't want DD around BM. Am I out of line for that?
I don't think so. I mean, this woman came to our home drunk, tried to drive with her son, and then punched me. And SS and DD know this. We have had to have some frank discussions in our family about what happened--about how BM drank too much alcohol and it made her act scary/crazy, and that what she did is not okay...that we don't think she is a BAD person, but we think she is a sick person who needs help.
So what kind of message am I sending my daughter if I send her off to a carnival where BM will be? That it's okay for someone to behave like that, to frighten and hurt people, and then not do anything to make ammends---but we will hang around with them anyway and pretend like everything is okay? That is just NOT a message I want to send my daughter. So DH said FINE, he wouldn't take my daughter but he acted all put out, like I was being ridiculous.
What do you think?
And back to my original question--HOW do you disengage?