Why does this have to happen every time?
Ugh! I am so frustrated with the situation with my SD! I haven't really talked about it much since nothing new has happened. I feel like I (personally) am stuck on the hamster wheel. Until something changes that I have no control over, I'll stay on the hamster wheel.
DH won't file papers...for whatever bone-headed reason. He's going to keep doing the same insane stuff he's always done. But this isn't really about him. It's more about me and my helpless feelings towards a situation I have no control over, yet DH asks me to "be involved".
A little background for those that are new. DH & I have been together over 7 years. SD was 7 and DS was 4. Up until 2 years ago, SD lived around the corner from DH. DH had a close relationship. As a matter of fact, we all had a great relationship with her. We were all involved in all of her activities (volunteering, cooking/baking for fundraisers, etc.) and spent every weekend together.
Then, two years ago, BM and SF got transfers to BM's home town and moved away with SD. They lied for months and only gave DH 2 weeks notice before they left. Since then, SD has been calling, e-mailing, texting and visiting less and less. We haven't seen her since last August. BM has busied SD with all sorts of activities so she won't want/have time to come visit. There are a wide range of excuses why she can't come visit, but the main one is cheerleading.
It seems like every time we plan to see her, a bunch of lies and half-truths come out just before so it taints (at least for me) the visit. Here's just a few example:
-Christmas before last, it was the lift tickets for snowboarding that were supposedly bought before-hand so SD had to come home early, which SD slipped and told us the tickets weren't already purchased.
-Last summer when she came for a 1-day visit with BM, SF and her sister. We had been told before-hand that she couldn't miss any cheer practice, but this visit was day 1 of their week-long vacation to see SF's parents. So somehow she can miss practice for a vacation with BM, but not to see DH.
-Then....there's the wedding. Before DH proposed, we were take a vacation. We started with BM trying to plan SD going on vacation with us in March. By the time DH (officially) proposed in July, we still had no answer. DH & I decided to get married on our already-planned vacation with the kids. After a HUGE blow-up with BM, he got her to commit to sending SD for the wedding. BM started by wanting to fly SD directly to the destination so "she won't have to spend so much time in the car". Then, a week later, BM and SD contrive a story for her to have to go home early. We ended up having to fly SD out from our vacation destination.
Now, DH and I are going to see SD in a couple weeks, and already things are getting bad. These are the things that have happened just in the past couple weeks.
-SD told us she had a competition a couple weekends ago so she couldn't miss practice to come visit during spring break. When DH called SD the Friday of spring break, she was on vacation with BM, SF and sister. She told DH that they decided to not compete in that particular competition.
-DH talked to SD the other night. She told him that the Saturday we are there, she is having a photo shoot in the morning before her competition starts.
-SD told DH that she's going to acting classes.
-SD told DH that she is supposed to go hout to L.A. for a week sometime soon for this acting thing.
-SD told DH that she is having 2 foreign girls staying with them during the time we are there.
So how come she can have time for all this other stuff, but can't carve out a couple days in 8 MONTHS to see her dad?
And how is it that BM can have strangers staying with them and sleeping in their home, but all-but refuses to let DH see SD?
And when will we actually get to see SD? She will be competing, practicing, at a photo shoot and have guests. My guess is not very much.
It's so weird how we can't get SD or BM to tell us anything about SD's events so we can see them. We have to search the internet for any information. Then, when we ask them about things we find on the internet, they won't respond. We had to TELL SD we are coming and book a hotel room just to get her to confirm she was competing!
So, now, I have this sick feeling of dread in ther pit of my stomach where I once felt so much excitement. Why does it have to be this way???? Why must every time we see her be shrouded in lies, deception, or attempts to limit the time we have with her?
(If I left something out, I apologize, but please...no ugliness. Only constructive criticism, please. I don't think I can handle all of this and arguing on GW today).