Hi! I'm.... wait.... who am I?
Hello All! I have been reading this forum for quite some time now and am finally ready to introduce myself! Let me fill you in on myself and my story:
I am a 24 year old female and my amazing SO is 32. We have been together for about 3 years and have been living together for a little more than 2 years! He has a wonderful son who is just about to turn 6 ( I will refer to him as SS during this post for lack of a better term), and SO was fresh out of a divorce from BM when I met him.
BM is certainly difficult to like sometimes but, for the most part, we all have a pretty civil relationship. She lives at her boyfriend's house (the BF, we are not crazy about, but that is neither here nor there) with his 3 year old son. She has SS during the school year M-F and we have him every weekend(to keep things stable for SS during school). Then when school is out we have him every other week M-Sun.
I have had my struggles accepting BM and she has had her troubles accepting me (especially in the beginning) but I have worked my tail off to create a civil relationship with her for the sake of SS. I am able to say that I have successfully stayed out of virtually every disagreement and/or decision BM and SO have had (aside from, of course, offering my opinion to SO and hoping it is considered if the issue directly effects me or our schedule). I realized a long time ago that interfering would likely get me nowhere good and could possibly ruin all the hard work I have put into the civil relationship I have with BM. We are not best friends by any means, but I can feel comfortable with speaking to her at SS's baseball games and know that I can call/text her if I have a question or need help while watching SS if SO is not available.
This is the only relationship I have ever been in with a person who has a child or an ex-wife, and I must admit, it has been a long learning process with lots of growing up and adjustments on my part. I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I met the man of my dreams, but am proud to say that I have come a long way and handled everything the best I know how. Naturally, being the researcher I am, when I decided to get serious with my SO I headed to the library to learn all about dating a divorced man who has a child and how to deal with the ex-wife. Much to my dismay, I found CLOSE to nothing helpful. Which brings me to my current situation:
Why is it that everything I find on the matter (including many posts from this site) say "RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!" "YOU ARE SO YOUNG, YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU! QUIT DOING THIS AND GO HAVE FUN" and my favorite, "NOT YOUR FAMILY NOT YOUR PROBLEM! STAY OUT OF IT!". I know I am not married to the man(yet!) but (fingers crossed) I will be. And right now, I need answers! I made the decision that I love this man and his son and am in this for the long haul. So... knowing that... where do I go for support?
I am going through a bit of an identity crisis because my title is still "girlfriend", yet I play the roll of a "step mom". "Girlfriends" don't do HALF of the stuff I do for my SO and his son, nor do they have the same lifestyle and issues as I do. I identify with stepmoms more, but don't have the title yet so I don't feel like other adults take my roll very seriously. Anyone else feel me on this? Does anyone have any good advice or any resources that helped them?