those damn pants!!!!!

imamommyApril 3, 2009

After DH sent BM an email telling her that since SD was so upset on her birthday over trivial crap and there was a huge disagreement on what the 'verbal agreement' was in regard to time, he said they should just stick to the order 100%, no more changes!

He also told her we gave back all clothes she's bought and to send SD back in the clothes she has on Friday.. school clothes we provide. He said he isn't going to engage in petty arguments over clothes, she lives here and he provides her school clothes & BM only needs to worry about providing clothes for her weekend visits & to keep hers there since she always needs them back.

and he also mentioned that if BM wants to be involved in decisions regarding SD's education (primarily he wants her input on SD's progress because it is getting close to the end of the year and he had told her she may need to be in summer school, which cuts her time down. He was expecting her to respond to his first email a couple of weeks ago about it, but she hasn't mentioned anything about SD's grades or school work)

Well, her response to those three issues:

#1: She went off about one pair of pants that are still missing... she wants them back and if she doesn't get them, she is sending him the receipt so he can reimburse her because "her mom bought SD those pants and they are brand new and her BF's daughter can also use them!" She says she will file papers to go to court and the Judge will tell him he has to return them to her because they are not his!

OMG! I was LMAO when I heard that! He didn't respond since he told her we don't have her clothes.. end of story! If she wants to file court papers... go ahead! She owes him over $2k in child support and whining over a pair of pants she didn't even buy! Actually, I'm DYING to hear what the Judge would say???? (and that was the issue she addressed first)

#2. She said her aunt & uncle are coming to visit at the end of April from Hawaii and she wants her mom to pick up SD and take her for the day to visit the aunt & uncle since they never get to see her. She asked, "are you going to let my mom come get her or are you going to make me miss a day from work and lose pay to go to court to get an order from the Judge?"

Well, as we all know... she is a pathological liar! I'd bet just about everything I have that her aunt & uncle are not coming to visit. On top of that, even if they are, why wouldn't BM come get SD to take her to see them? Why would she send her mom... isn't SHE (BM) gonna come visit her aunt & uncle from Hawaii too? She just wants to either test DH to see if he will make an exception or pin him down to say no so she can make him look like an ass. Well, he told her that unless it's on her scheduled time, it's not going to happen. If she wants to take him to court, she may... if it means that much to her. I have to agree with him... no exceptions or she will take a mile.

She saved the most important issue for last... kind of as a side note really.

#3: She says that she won't let DH turn it around on her about SD's education. She says that SD is with us all week and she only sees her on the weekend so therefore, SD should be getting all the help she needs from us during the week.

Huh? DH was telling her that SD brought home work to do over the weekend and when we got her on Sunday, it wasn't done. He also told her that since she promised to help with the scrapbook project, she should follow through and so far nothing has been done while SD is at her house. He told her that she is falling behind in school and may need to attend summer school unless the problems SD is having are resolved. So, he told her that since she isn't interested in SD's education and is willing to leave it up to us to help SD during the week, we won't count on her for anything.

Of course, she responded again.. but only to address those damn pants!!!

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*shaking head*

(while trying not to go into convulsions and hystarical laughter at work!!!)

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 11:51AM
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Yeah, yeah --

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 12:11PM
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Well out of all those issues the pants are definately the most important issue!!

I am SURE a judge would order you and dh give those pants back this instance!

I would be tempted to tell bm that you will subtract $20 from the 2,000+ she owes in back child support! LMFAO

P.S. I find it adorable that the pants were to be shared between her dd and bf's dd!! It sounds as if bf's dd would get a lot more use out of them since her dd never makes it past grandmas house on bm's weekends.....

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 12:29PM
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maybe BM thinks you or your daughter stole those pants and wear them. hahha

oh did we hear ir right? BM works now??? so where is monthly CS then?

make sure everything is documented. save the emails.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 12:33PM
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Ima, this BM is losing post , made me laugh.
In my situ, my dh's ex would always threaten with court and now dh just turns around says ok take me to court. Go for it. Lets see how clean you really are.? she has not used this card in about a year or so. And i think she is getting the pic that we are at a point that we are ready for her.
So, yah, stick to the order to the tee! Photocopy the sections of the time for visitation and mail it to her reminding her of the amount of time.
She can scream all she wants about a pants you do not have. Maybe her bf's daughter it wearing it and doesn't even realize it!
Yah, the judge will order your Dh to give them along with the 2K she owes eh???
Keep it strict fromnow dh did and its nice.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 1:31PM
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I think you should buy GPS tracking chips for her clothes.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 1:39PM
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Apparently she is working now. She has made 6 payments of $61.38 each (per week) since the middle of February. So, a grand total of $368.28 in child support she has paid, entitles her to make these demands! hahaha. I spent well over $600.00 on clothes this school year, plus extra's like field trips, yearbook, pictures, etc. BM pays nothing extra and won't even feed her before we pick her up on Sundays.

I like the GPS idea... but BM should put them on her stuff. Since SD has been living with us full time, we lose clothes all the time, I just go buy more as I do not want the headache of keeping track of everything. She outgrows stuff and as the season's change, I donate a lot to the hospice thrift store. Once, BM made a big deal about all of SD's clothes being at our house, she had nothing to wear at her house... I had no idea what she was talking about so I sent two pairs of pants that I bought her and BM didn't say anything about it, she kept them.

another thing I noticed BM saying a lot lately... "when SD comes home". In other words, she talks like SD is 'visiting' us and her house is 'home'. Funny stuff!

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 3:17PM
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That is funny, what is wrong with some of these BM's? I think you should ask for your pants back.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 3:32PM
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newwife, what do you mean? "what is wrong with some of these BM's" I thought there is one specific BM that people are talking about in this thread, who are "some of these BMs?" stereotyping? so if somebody talks about bad SM should i say "what is wrong wiht some of these SMs?"

I like "when she comes home". at the same time no responsibility for her school success because SD doesn't live there! This woman wants to have it both way. hillarious. maybe you should keep track of clothes you sent there, in case she bring pants issue in court, you can show how much you send there.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 3:39PM
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You should have a checklist:

One pair blue pants
One pair socks
One pair panties
One t-shirt
One pair tennis shoes
Total value: $75.00
Less depreciation:15.00
Total Estimated Value: $60.00

Of course, it should be in triplicate and notarized :)

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 4:44PM
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Yeah, yeah --

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 9:12PM
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BM does not like it very much that FDH is sticking to the court order huh? We are in EXACTLY the same situation with that one Ima. FDH sent BM a letter, as I wrote on here before, to announce he was going to stick to the order to the letter, and it's opened a whole new can of worms, of course. She needs to push the boundaries, after all nobody tells BM how it's going to be!

And 'our' BM is responding exactly the same way!
She's also threatening to go back to court, except she doesn't have such a good reason as 'your' BM: THE PANTS.


    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 9:27PM
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DH called me to say he got a text message from BM today after SD was picked up from school by BM's mom. She demanded to know where her mom's plate was... (the one that had half a cake that grandma & SD's sister dropped off at his work on Monday) and also wanted to know why he didn't let SD eat it.

He just wrote back his work hours and that grandma is welcome to come by his work to pick up her plate. (He doesn't need to explain to her why he didn't bring it home or let her eat it... GEEZ!!!)

    Bookmark   April 3, 2009 at 9:32PM
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Sometimes, there just aren't words . . . .

Can she describe the pants? Do you know for sure there really are these damn pants, or could this just be her one thing to drive you crazy with this week?

Sweeby, you crack me up.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2009 at 1:30AM
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Is she trying to deduct the cost of the pants she didn't even pay for ... from the CS she owes?

BM did this with hubby ... had a friend by the kids shoes then demanded the judge give her permission to buy all their clothes and hubby reimburse her for clothing she bought for the kids .... hubby response why would I reimburse her for what didn't even buy.

Its amazing the petty things they come up with to complain about ...

You know if it wasn't the pants it would be something else like the plate ties something ... anything to contact the other parent it doesn't matter what is missing its just something to contact the other about ... to keep the relationship going. :(

    Bookmark   April 4, 2009 at 11:31AM
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lol, she does not want to deduct from CS she owes... she wants DH to pay her. She said she'll send him the receipt (I guess when she gets it from her mom) and wants him to send her a check... hahahahahaha I don't think so! DH was actually going to do it! He said once he does what she wants, she has nothing to complain about... lol, then he got the text about the cake plate. I just told him that if it's not one thing, it will be another. He agrees. We are not going to pay her for the pants. She is looking for.. and will continue to look for anything to keep him engaged and we are not going to play along.

I'm just glad that it's gotten to the point where I can laugh about it instead of getting frustrated and upset! I consider that a victory for me.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2009 at 12:09PM
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Oh, I'm betting she'll find something to complain about. I say let her take you to court over the pants. The entertainment value on that would be priceless, not only for you and us, for for the court as well.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2009 at 11:03PM
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For entertainment purposes only:

Today DH called me. He says BM's mother came into his work to get her cake plate.

Well, guess what???? She had SD and SD's sister with her! So, SD is supposed to be with BM for the spring break but she is with BM's mom 2.5 hours away from BM's house. Something tells me she isn't commuting back and forth to spend time with BM.... BM schlepped the kids off on her mom this week. Nice. (BM's mom lives about a mile from DH's work... he works 45 min. from our house)

    Bookmark   April 6, 2009 at 6:23PM
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How nice that BM takes her child for spring break and then drops her off with gram! She is probably busy playing mommy to her bf's kids......can't do that and see her own dd's.

The thing I wonder about your dh's ex is how her bf is okay with all this. She gives away her children and then coaches his kids teams and spends time with them? Doesn't he see that as a bit of a warning sign???

    Bookmark   April 6, 2009 at 7:56PM
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"Doesn't he see that as a bit of a warning sign???"

You'd think, huh?

The latest... BM sent another email to DH chastising him for the clothes SD wore to school Friday. She said:

"I want to talk to you about the clothes DD was wearing to school on Friday. She was in leggings (skin tight) as well as a shirt that was 1. too big 2. way too low cut without a shirt underneath it and 3. It is too thin and you can see through it. She was being made fun of because it was so low cut and you could see her breasts when she was doing normal stuff. You preach to me about not wearing tight pants then u send her in this? Are you freaking kidding me? What are you thinking? So instead of sending her in something normal your wife sends her to school looking like a tramp with a VERY low cut shirt and tights? Your priorities with our daughter are all off.


Here is a pic of the outfit:

I took the picture the morning she left so BM could not dispute what she was wearing. (It's an outfit I got her for her birthday last week)

He wrote back:


Thank you for your concern. If it makes her uncomfortable and DD does not want to wear that outfit to school anymore, that's fine. She picked it out and it looked fine on her, of course she was wearing her jacket in the morning. There's no reason why she can't wear it home on Sunday, she is coming straight home. It would be appreciated that you feed her before she's picked up so we can get home without having to stop... it's a long drive and she needs to get things ready for school on Monday.

Tell her I miss her and give her a hug for me. I'm sure she is enjoying her week there, she was very excited about getting to spend ten whole days with you.

Happy Easter!


    Bookmark   April 6, 2009 at 9:50PM
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Well I think the outfit looks cute. It looks like there is a shirt under the one she is wearing. And leggings are supposed to be tight. Her shirt is long so it covers all but her legs....would be different if she was wearing a half shirt with tight leggings!

Love dh's comment about wearing the clothes home and about hope she is enjoying the week there!

Looks like bm is just trying to fight with you guys and you dealt with it wonderfully!

    Bookmark   April 6, 2009 at 11:21PM
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Cute outfit. I see nothing wrong with it, and I dress my dd very conservative.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2009 at 10:18AM
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Something tells me there will be an afternoon update too!!!

Well, DH is on his way to work this morning & gets a call from SD at 7:30am. "Why can't I visit my mom's aunt when she comes to town?" He is not prepared for the question and tells her that she can visit her mom's aunt when she's with her mom... then SD starts drilling him for why can't grandma keep me while aunt is here??? and DH told her it's not her concern. He didn't really know what to say! (As I said earlier in the thread, BM's response to DH saying they need to stick to the order... was to ask if her mom can pick up SD and take her while her aunt visits from Hawaii. His response was "if it's not on your time, it's not happening... take me to court if it means that much to you")

So, I guess the shortcut to going to court is to have the kid call up and put dad on the spot? Give dad a guilt trip? SD is still with Grandma, so who put her up to it? I know she didn't wake up at 7am and have the burning question about seeing her great aunt at the end of the month. Oh well. I told DH that, at this point, I doubt her aunt is coming to visit. Hell, after all the lies... I have doubts she even HAS an aunt!

I can see how our week is going to go! Can't they just spend their time with SD... have fun and enjoy the time with her? If it was my spring break, I'd be sleeping in!

    Bookmark   April 7, 2009 at 11:15AM
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Does BM have a home phone? Can DH call there and ask to speak to SD . . . just to get BM to admit she isn't there? Or even call her cell and ask?

BM's favorite tactic is to use SD as the messenger, especially for anything regarding a change in 'the plan.' Our pat response now - your mother can call me about it. Change topic!

BTW - I think the outfit was just fine. :-)

    Bookmark   April 8, 2009 at 1:12AM
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"Does BM have a home phone? Can DH call there and ask to speak to SD . . . just to get BM to admit she isn't there? Or even call her cell and ask?"

We've taken the stance that it really doesn't matter if she is or isn't with BM. In fact, we get the feeling BM's mom took SD into DH's work to make sure he knew SD was not with BM as if to get him to call and demand why SD isn't with her (because she's called DH to demand to know why SD wasn't with him on the morning of her B-day) and she probably would like to tell him, "what are you gonna do about it?" and the truth is... BM has the opportunity to have her daughter with her for 10 days... SD was excited about seeing her for 10 days and it's not DH's problem if she chooses to not spend it with her daughter. He can't 'make' BM keep her daughter with her and the order says it's BM's time, so he can't bring SD here. Unfortunately, he did not get an order with ROFR. We cannot stop BM from disappointing her daughter but we are preparing to pick up pieces when she comes back on Sunday.

We are spending Sunday driving up the coast and decided today that we will let BM know to call DH's parents or my dad if there is an emergency and then we will turn off our phones for the day. I may bring my daughter's cell phone so they can reach us since BM doesn't have that number. It seems like a lot of coordinating to avoid the drama she caused during every trip we've ever taken. If she knows we are going somewhere, our phone rings all day.. text messages... emergencies arise... and then she wants to change from the order, like her car broke down and she'll be late or whatever else she can think of~ you get the picture. Sunday at 6 at BM's house means Sunday at 6 at BM's house.

The outfit: Not for a moment did I think her email was about the clothes. It goes back to three years ago when I let SD wear my wedding tiara for fairytale day at school & BM yanked it out of her hair and told her she can't wear it. She's pulled pony tails out of SD's hair because I did them. and all the other things she's done to SD because she doesn't like that I am a part of it. For a long time, I refused to do anything for SD that crossed those so called 'boundaries' for fear BM would go off on DH for it. I used to resent it because she put me in a position as custodial SM to do those things for SD but then she resented anything I did. I was damned (by BM) if i did for her, damned (by SD) if I didn't. Finally, SD is admitting that her mom is hurting her and she has opened up to me and that fear of pissing off BM has lifted... because now I am beginning to feel I have SD's support in standing up to BM's craziness.

SD is in a tough position right now because she is with BM and/or her family this week and she'll do whatever they say when she's there. It's just crazy that she would have her call first thing in the morning to ask about something that is weeks away if it's happening at all.

    Bookmark   April 8, 2009 at 1:49AM
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Hope everyone had a happy Easter! We did. BM tried to do what she could to annoy or irritate but it was more sad and funny than annoying. Poor SD!

DH and I spent the day on the coast and turned off the phones. We got to BM's on time... no cars, no lights. DH turned on his phone & there's three messages and a text from BM telling him to pick up SD from BF's parent's house. He did not want to argue so he made sure SD had all her things with her and we drove across town to get SD. It was so 'staged' it was funny. SD's sister walked SD to the car by giving her a piggyback ride. BM walked up with SD's things and as she's putting SD in the car... a 10 year old needs mom to strap her in?...(whatever.) BM asks DH again about picking up SD to visit her aunt at the end of the month. He says no and she tells him she's got the paperwork ready for court and she'll file it tomorrow. Whatever. SD was wearing the outfit she left in but apparently BM decided the way to ensure she never wears it again is to ruin it. Whatever. SD's hair was chopped off again. Whatever.

Of course SD looked miserable the entire time and was the most unhappiest looking child all the way home. We stopped to eat since she hadn't eaten since brunch... except candy. She says her Easter basket was nothing but candy and she ate all of it before we picked her up. Not surprising that she said she felt nauseated when we got home. She's gained weight too... oh well, we can't do anything about all that. It's just sad for SD that she has to have such a miserable childhood.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2009 at 9:48AM
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Oh Ima, just like you can't fix stupid you also can't fix immature and self centered. Unfortunately, SD's mom has hit the trifecta.

Sounds like SD is beginning to see that, though?

    Bookmark   April 14, 2009 at 1:30AM
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