These darn baskets!!!

mom2emallApril 1, 2010

So bm called yesterday, on younger sd's phone (probably because nobody else even wants to deal with her at this point). Anyways bm tells her how she has Fri and Sat off work and wants to get baskets from their grandparents to them before Easter. When bm was out there for services her parents sent her home with baskets for the kids.

Anyways sd gives me the phone and I tell bm that the kids are free Fri night and Sat afternoon if she wanted to take them. She then tells me that her work schedule is not definite because it is hand written. And tells me that she is sharing a vehicle with her bf. So she can not take them. I offered to drop the kids off to her and she said that she just wanted to get them their baskets before Easter!!

So now the plan is for me to drive there with the kids Friday night at some point to let them pick up their baskets. But that is it, no visit!


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That is ridiculous that you have to drive to get them. I get that she is sharing a car with her boyfriend, but you'd think she could find SOME time to drop the baskets by.

And it is really sad that she's not even going to spend time with them. :( Not really a surprise, though, huh?

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 11:09AM
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Well, since the baskets are a gift from the grandparents to their grandkids (not a gift from BM) and BM is just the means of delivery prior to Sunday, why not just tell BM she can drop them off any time between now and Sunday. Run by, ring the bell, hand them over and poof, on her way down the road. Or let DH and/or you swing by to pick the baskets up as to your schedule?

She's made it clear the baskets are not from her nor does she seem to want the kids to actually spend time this weekend with her, I'd not treat it as she was anything other than the delivery man go-between who has in hand the gift from the kids grandparents.

You can't make her be a mom and I bet if grandparents were going to be home the baskets would be brought over by grandparents or picked up at grandparents house by the kids. Dismiss the BM craziness, did you really expect different? This is afterall the nut making up friends names over the phone to impress distant relatives. You'd not of heard from BM at all so soon if she thought grandma would not jump her buns for failing to get the baskets they sent to the kids.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 11:35AM
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It's NOT your problem! Whether the baskets are from her or the grandparents is not relevant. She wants to get the baskets to the kids... she can figure it out. Unless you are not getting them baskets because they will have these baskets, I would not bother doing her any favors. She's made it clear she isn't going to make time for the kids. If you are going to save money by getting these ones, then that makes some sense to go get them, but do it for YOUR benefit/convenience, NOT hers. Kids are going to disappointed either way.... mom doesn't have time for them.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 12:16PM
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Well I decided maybe I will give bm a taste of her own medicine. Maybe I just will not show up or call! When and if she calls us I will just say oops plans changed...sorry. Middle sd is sleeping over at a friends house tonite so she will not be home till later tomorrow. Older sd has practice anyways so she was not going to go with. And I will just get ss to make plans with a friend or something. Then I will just tell bm "well I was gonna stop by but then the kids made could just drop the baskets off".

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 10:30PM
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Exactly, that sounds like a plan.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2010 at 2:54AM
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Good plan!!

    Bookmark   April 2, 2010 at 12:30PM
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Doesn't she just want to get the baskets to her kids?

I'd cooperate as much as I could.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2010 at 1:38PM
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Doesn't she just want to get the baskets to her kids?

she just has to do it for her parents, she clearly does not care if these baskets ever get to her kids

    Bookmark   April 2, 2010 at 2:18PM
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Sylvia I am just so tired of this woman only doing things to show her parents she is involved, when in reality she is not. After thinking about it why should I have to drive the kids over there so she can come to the car and play mommy for 2 minutes, hand over baskets, and say good-bye. If they were going to stay and visit her I would have no problem with dropping them off. But to drive there to pick up something from bm's parents, and then come right home is silly. If she does not want to spend time with her kids and just wants to get the chore of getting them the baskets from grandpa and grandma done then she should do it. Instead what would happen is I would bring the kids to pick up the baskets and she gets to tell her parents all about how she was spending all kinds of time with the kids!

    Bookmark   April 2, 2010 at 7:24PM
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Well I gave in. Younger sd said bm texted her and asked what time they were picking up baskets. So I drove the kids there when older sd got done with practice and ss and younger sd were home. Get to bm's house and kids go to the door. BM talks to them for a few minutes as the kids stand in the entry way. Then they come back out empty handed. I ask what happened to the baskets and they say that bm left them in her bf's truck and he is not home, wont be home till 7 and then bm will drive the baskets to our house.

WE go home and around 8 sd texts bm asking about baskets. BM then says bf is still not home. About 10pm bm gets home (probably from the bar I would think!) and bm texts that bf does not feel like going back out. Sd asks why bm can't come by herself. Bm says bf will drop baskets off after bm goes to work tomorrow?? Sd says "but I wanted to see you". BM texts back that she does not want sd to be mad but she has to get younger siblings to bed (mind you it is almost 10:30 by now!!!) So sd texts back whatever. BM then texts back something along the lines of "I am just a screw up I guess have a good nite!!"

Way to lay the guilt on!!! So then sd was feeling badly and I told her she should not feel bad because none of this is her fault!!

******This is what happens when I go along with bm's ideas....the kids always get hurt!!!********

    Bookmark   April 3, 2010 at 12:00AM
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I suggest you give her parents a call (you or DH) an tell them that you are sorry but kids still don't have the baskets and tell them exactly what's happening. Tell them she refuses to deliver the baskets, you drove there and still no baskets. Enough is enough. They need to know, next time they have to mail those baskets not ask BM.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2010 at 12:38AM
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~ BM then texts back something along the lines of "I am just a screw up I guess have a good nite!!" ~

Wow! That reminded me of my mom. She had a drinking problem and when she was confronted (by my dad) about getting help, she would say, "I am just an old drunk I guess I should die" or "I'm just a rotten mother I know!" and it's their way of admitting they have a problem without the possibility of a solution. What do you say to it? That is their closing line & they don't wanna hear anything after that ~ the shutoff line "good night". I don't think it's to lay guilt on the kids (though that may be the end result) but they are trying to alleviate their own guilt.

Have you looked into Alanon?

    Bookmark   April 3, 2010 at 9:04AM
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"About 10pm bm gets home (probably from the bar I would think!) " I meant to say bf got home......he is the one who drinks.

BM is not really a drinker. I do think that her bf is controlling and she is not allowed to drive anywhere without him. And I think he leaves all childcare up to her. It is a sick situation. And I am almost glad she rarely sees the kids because I don't want any of the kids to think that is a healthy and normal relationship!

But her saying that she is a screw up I really think is her trying to play the guilt trip on the kids becuase usually when she says that kind of stuff or she cries on the phone younger sd melts and apologizes for being mad at her. This time when sd read me the texts I told her that if she apologizes to bm then it is like saying that what bm does is fine. And I told her that if she is ok with bm treating her this way then go ahead and apologize, but if she feels like bm is wrong in the way she acts then she should say nothing. So sd ignored the text and shut her phone off.

I know grandparents will call the kids on Sunday and ask about the baskets. So I am sure older sd will give them the play by play with bm, so we don't have to say a word. I think it is better coming from the kids.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2010 at 10:48AM
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