Haven't vented in a looong time
I've been in therapy for almost a year now and the difference in my attitude about external factors is so amazing. I don't care much anymore about BM---how often she calls or doesn't call, what harrassing texts she sends or doesn't send, how much she fights with DH or doesn't fight....I am disengaged.
Almost. I'll rephrase: I'm 95% disengaged.
Her behavior and attitude has been getting under my skin the last few days. And I need a vent or I'm going to take it out on my DH which isn't good for him, me, or our marriage.
Y'all don't mind, do you?
We have had terrible tornados in our area. SS is terrified of storms in general, and tornado warnings send him into a tizzy. We (at our house) just try to be calm for him, let him know WE are not scared, we will keep him safe, take shelter if need be, etc.
Two nights ago we had an awful storm come through. BM's house is about 25 minutes from ours, and the storm came through her area first. It actually was a bit to the north of us, so we didn't have anything too bad.
She called SS THREE times in a matter of thirty minutes. Each time, it was worse and worse. "We're having huge hail here! I'm going to the basement!"
"A tornado just touched down five minutes from my house and it's coming your way! Make sure you stay safe!"
"The sky is green here!"
Each time she called, SS's anxiety rose and he was literally in tears---worried for his mom's safety and worried about his own.
I don't understand her! This is the same woman who once called him to say goodnight and told him she was alone in the house and had heard a creepy noise and was so scared she was hiding under the covers. He spent the next twenty minutes crying about his mom, worried a robber or murderer was hiding in her house.
And she wonders why poor SS is so phobic of everything. :( UGH. She treats him like a friend or little adult.
After the third call the other night, DH texted her and said "Stop telling him all about the storms, you are scaring him!"
To which she promptly responded, "@$$hole."
So now it's Easter morning. She called SS at 8 AM and proceeded to tell him every little thing that is in his Easter basket at her house. I was in the kitchen making pancakes and SS was on the phone by the computer in the family room and I swear, BM was talking so loud I could almost hear every little thing she said.
After she told him what is waiting in his basket at her house, then she wanted him to tell her exactly what was in his basket here. He mentioned a few things and she must have kept asking because then he'd say "Ummm...oh yeah, and a Cadbury egg...oh yeah and some pixie sticks....oh and a stuffed bunny..." BLAH BLAH.
We're going to my family's Easter celebration later this morning and we always do an egg hunt for the kids there. I don't usually hide any at our house because of that tradition.
I guess BM must have asked him if he had hunted for eggs and he said no. And I heard her say, "That's no fun. But guess what? The Easter Bunny left 18 eggs for you at my house."
AUUUGHHHHH. "That's no fun???"
I know it's all about her own insecurities and I try not to let it get me riled up. But I had to do some deep breathing because as soon as SS got off the phone, he said, "My mom thinks it's too bad we didn't hunt for eggs here."
I just said, "The Easter Bunny usually hides eggs at Grandma's house, remember? And you get to hunt for them there."
And he said "Oh yeah, I forgot we do that."
I just don't know WHY---well, yes, I do---BM has to BE like that. Everything is a competition. Nothing can ever just be, "Oh, I'm so glad you are having a good holiday with your dad and I can't wait to see you!"
And then she has the balls to text DH and say that she has to have SS at her house by 2 pm today.
This is DH's year for Easter, and he is being flexible and considerate by agreeing to let her have SS at all. She had asked a few weeks ago if that would be okay, and DH relented but NEVER ageeed to 2 pm. Initially, BM had just said she wanted to have SS for Easter dinner with her family.
Now it's 2 pm. Which is not going to happen. DH texted back that we had our own family things going on and we would drop SS off at her house when we were finished, definitely by 4, but that it wouldn't be 2.
Okay, last vent. SS is struggling in school, really struggling to the point where he may need to repeat 3rd grade. The school has recommended he do a 5 week summer school course and sent home a consent form last week.
DH is all for it. We've already arranged, as well, for SS to work on a weekly basis with my cousin; she has her Masters in Special Ed. and has worked for over 20 years at a school for children with LDs. She's going to be doing some tutoring/catch up with SS over the summer.
Anyway, BM told DH she didn't think she was going to agree to summer school because "she wants SS to have a summer, plus she doesn't feel like having to drive back and forth for the whole month of June."
I have never met anyone more short sighted or petty. I understand the disappintment; I know it's a pain. It's going to cut into our summer, too. We had a short trip planned for the end of June that we're going to have to move into July.
But guess what? SS's academics come first. Every effort needs to be made to ensure he can succeed in school.
Missing 5 weeks of sun and pool time is not important here.
If they don't agree, and if BM won't consent, I really don't know what will happen. DH is arranging a conference with the teacher and hoping she can fully emphasize to BM that SS is NOT ready for 4th grade and this extra help is crucial.