First time stepmom needs help
Hello! I am a first time stepmom. I am having problems with my 11 year old stepdaughter. Her father and I have been together for 3 years. We see her and her brother primarily on the weekends all throughout the year and we live close enough to her to go to school functions, athletic games, etc. during the week. My stepdaughter has started telling her mom and dad that she doesn't like me and hasn't like me in 3 years. She is saying that I stress her our and she doesn't want to spend time with me. This is obviously very upsetting to me. I am trying hard not to take it personally but I am. I would do anything for this child. But she will not talk to me (I can't make her because it stresses her out more) -- so I have no way of knowing what can I change/fix to make her feel better about me.
I do NOT bad mouth her mother, her mother's family or her dad at all. I do believe that I have a different parenting style than bother her biological parents and I do respect what they want done.
I just don't know how to go about things and my guy doesn't want to be with me because he feels his daughter should be able to tell her mom that she likes me (if she indeed does). Now when she comes to the house, she will talk to me, we play the Wii and we IM on facebook when she's not here but she tells her mom that she doesn't like me. Is this normal behaivor? He believes that she's just telling me what I want to hear in the moment and telling her mom the truth. But I feel like even if she did like me, she wouldn't tell her mom because it would hurt her mom's feelings.
I'm just trying to get a feel for what to do. I feel like I'm the only one here fighting for me to be in the position of stepmom.